Are young women insane?

[irishmurdoch]

Just been on a Reddit travel forum where young people planning their "year out" are discussing the merits of mixed gender hostel rooms. Lots of women talking about men snoring but absolutely none of them seem to be aware of the safeguarding risks. My mind is boggling. AIBU??

Once you see the world as it really is it can be difficult to remember what you thought before. I always say finding feminism is basically un-learning all the sexist brainwashing we all experience from infancy. Young women don't perceive men as a threat because that's the social narrative. This isn't new but it is disturbing to witness from a learned perspective. Why are older women so dismissed and reviled by our society and culture? Because the patriarchy knows the best way to control young women js to alienate them from older wiser women

What is the difference between mixed gendered hostels and single gendered hostels

Both are mixed sex hostels as far as I can see.

Just to throw it in there, ive always travelled with a predominantly LGBTQ group so mixed gender dorms are great for this because we can stay together as a group.

Young people are always going to be a bit less risk averse, its human nature.

At the same time most women I know would only date a guy who was taller, wealthier, more attractive and more successful than them

My mind boggles as to what scenarios lead to anyone knowing this about most people they know? I could probably tell you the dating preferences of about two of my acquaintances, let alone everyone I know.

I don't think you're using 'equals' to mean equal on the measures you have listed, are you? Otherwise it wouldn't make sense to say they expected the taller boyfriends to treat them as equal height.

I think you meant to treat them as equals in the sense of "respected human beings", did you?

He posts the same thing in lots of threads. I think he is just a bit lonely TBH. Its better generally not to engage because it never really goes anywhere new.

100% agree.

All women, whatever their age, make their own decisions about safety. The fact that some feel differently to the OP doesn't mean that they are wrong and need to have it explained to them in school.

I make different decisions to some women - I have always walked alone at night, though I might choose different routes. I have also stayed in mixed sex hostels.

I have been sexually assaulted/harassed like most women - this has happened:

On a train platform in the middle of the day
At work in the middle of the day
In a hotel room on my own (caretaker with key)

I am not going to stop working, drive everywhere and never stay in a hotel room because of these experiences

There’s one of those on the single women threads too. All best ignored.

Ah, ok, thanks. Just a bit of a weird thing to post that "treating as equals" includes being the same height - not seen that one before but I'll ignore if not genuine!

Glad we've gone for a typical insult rather than counter?

A person doesn't have to tell you their dating preferences, they demonstrate them with the people they date?

There are lots of studies and macro studies which show women typically have a very strong preference for dating men who are taller than them. Men also typically prefer women to be shorter but the trend is a lot less strong.

Women want taller men more than men want shorter women - ScienceDirect

Surely how attractive a person is, is a very personal thing? Some people may believe that they are much more attractive than the people looking at them believe.

You might be attracted to a person who's not typically considered attractive, but that's kind of a special case.

There are very much norms of what society considers to be a physically attractive person and most peoples desires are somewhere around these norms.

And a large number of men overestimate their attractiveness.

Firstly, I think women are attracted to very different things to men. Most 40 year old aged men would happily date the 25 year old Amazon delivery girl where as most women of a similar age would rather date the 55 year old Jeff Bezos.

Secondly I don't think any man that's ever been on a dating site has any misconceptions about their appearance.

I think a great many men have a lot of misconceptions about their attractiveness, otherwise they would never have the gall to wolf-whistle, or cat call strange women in the street.

I think that's more about intimidation than attraction.

Re the subject of the thread, the nature of the accommodation makes a difference too. There was an eye-opening thread about men trying to get into hotel rooms- anyone remember it?

Ultimately, assessing any risk involves some element of predicting the future, so no policy is going to prevent every scenario. It's doing what we can and what we feel is proportionate, which will vary according to experience and the knowledge we feel we hold, among other things.

I was staying alone in a hotel/dorm in NYC in the early 90s, and I was initially put in an 8 bed room with 7 young men, who were staying as a group. It was very awkward. I went back to reception, and the woman took pity on me and put me in a smaller dorm on an all-female floor, which tbf was restricted to long-stay guests, so I technically hadn't qualified. It was so brilliant I ended up extending my stay in that dorm for 2 months. But mixed sex was the norm for short stay in the shared rooms back then. In fact, that stay in NYC was the only single sex accommodation I had in 6 months of travel in the US/Europe. But it was the only time I was traveling alone, and I was grateful for it.

I agree. I was like you too with the politeness.

I have always remembered reading about Helen Mirren talking about feeling you have to do what men want, just to stop them badgering you on and on, and saying that now, if she had a daughter, she’d teach her would be to say, “F* Off”

Mixed sex dorms was the norm when I was backpacking 25+ years ago. I was mainly travelling with my boyfriend so I wasn't worried about safeguarding. When we did travel separately, I guess I was fortunate that the dorms were a genuine mix of sexes and groups and individuals - so wasn't a situation of a lone female with single/group of unknown males. So there was an element of safety in numbers that there would be other people around to deter/raise the alarm if predatory behaviour happened. But I can see the opportunity for threatening or opportunistic situations in quieter places.
I think if single sex is single gender then I'd rather go for mixed sex and larger dorm sizes as at least you know it will be mixed and will be people around.

I think there is a confusion between mixed and single gendered dorms and mixed and single sex dorms

I would definitely feel less safe in a single gendered dorm. I can understand why young people go for the mixed