Are young women insane?

[irishmurdoch]

Just been on a Reddit travel forum where young people planning their "year out" are discussing the merits of mixed gender hostel rooms. Lots of women talking about men snoring but absolutely none of them seem to be aware of the safeguarding risks. My mind is boggling. AIBU??

Not insane, just young girls

There is also a subset of women (of all ages) who genuinely seem to believe that men are not inherently stronger than women. Crazy, but it's like talking to dinosaur- deniers when you meet them. My ds14 is already way stronger than me.

I think it is a bit ageist to say that younger people are less risk aware. I and my friends used them a lot over 20 years ago. So I think lack of risk awareness is not new!

You are right in the sense that it is not the safest option. I wouldn't now.

Yes and you were younger 20 years ago! I think age brings at least a bit of wisdom.

I back packed around the world over 30 years ago and happily shared mixed rooms. It was the normal thing to do. Would I do it now? Not so sure ...

In West Yorkshire at the time the police were accepting hospitality from the worst, Jimmy Savile.

I nearly got raped in a mixed-sex dorm. I was the only person in there, then a man joined while I was in my bunk and within 15 minutes had tried to rape me. The managed to scream for help, which came luckily.

I would never stay in a mixed-sex dormitory.

Yes, this, did it in my youth 30 years ago without a thought. Never had a problem. Would think twice now though.

I did think twice, but figured 29 other people in the room would stop anyone even trying anything.

I think they would. Normally a mixed group of people, male and female some of who know each other some don't is likely to be fine. Problem's occur when:

• It is quiet and the only other person there is a man with bad intentions
• The other people staying there are a group (of all men eg)
• There is drinking/socialising involved earlier. e.g. a man and a woman are snogging each other in the bar so no-one thinks anything when he gets into her bed later. Or people are drunk - I don't think being drunk is an excuse for rape but I think some men use it as an excuse. Plus if the other residents are drunk they are less likely to help. Unfortunately I think "they were flirting" introduces false grey areas for lots of people.

So most of the time it would be completely fine, and a "why do people worry" sort of story. I think you would have to be "unlucky" both to be in a situation like the ones described above, and also that the men present are the sorts to take advantage. But "unlucky" still happens. Even if the men turned out to be really nice, I would have felt uncomfortable if it was only me and another man or me, my friend and a large group of men.
Which is why. I did stay in mixed sex dorms on university trips etc but it was with people I knew and trusted (and of course that can still go wrong).
Its hard because when you are young and want adventure you don't want to be restricted or fearful.

I am well aware of that, having had contact with many of his victims over the years, but it is hardly relevant to young women taking unnecessary risks, we didn't rely on the police back then, I can assure you!

The title of this thread is very condescending. I would trust young women to have agency and make decisions for themselves based on their own personal experience and preferences. Yes, there is a level of risk as with literally anything in life. Individuals can assess the risks for themselves. Personally I think the risk in a large mixed sex dorm is very low.

There's an awful lot of unsubstantiated accusations in quite a short post there.......

Reports are a very different thing to convictions, the highest profile case I'm aware of occurred in Cypress and video evidence was found leading to the case being thrown out as a false accusation.

If you read reports from those who have actually traveled extensively the majority say they feel safer in a busy dorm regardless of mixed sexes than in hotel room alone.

Yep I remember staying in ones with about 20-25 people in them! (massive rooms with triple bunk beds)

Honestly I was more concerned about stuff being nicked and catching bed bugs than being raped. I wouldn’t fancy a mixed dorm with just one or two other people in it, but I don’t see a massive mixed dorm as any worse than a sleeper train (which I’m also fine with).

The dorm I stayed in had 30 people on triple bunks.
There was lockers so no chance of anything being stolen and I wasn't bitten by anything!

I’m struggling to see the issue. Like others I’ve stayed in mixed dorm rooms in hostels. They were large and full of people and I never felt unsafe. I’ve certainly done riskier things travelling as a lone female. If there’s a female only room I’d book that for preference, but often there wasn’t.

Life is full of risks and we all do our own assessments. For women this sadly includes the risk of being attacked or sexually assaulted. But I don’t think it’s ‘insane’ to decide that the very small risk of sleeping in a mixed dorm is outweighed by the pleasure and interest of travel that it allows access to for young people on a budget.

I stayed in some mixed dorms while backpacking solo in my mid-thirties. Apart from the snoring and people returning late and waking everyone up, I never had any trouble. I never felt unsafe and I'm fairly cautious of unknown men while travelling. It was just seen as completely normal and I didn't question it, though I'd pick a female-only dorm if it was available.

Why wouldn’t you want the choice of a single sex dorm? Whether or not you actually experience something awful.

I slept in loads of mixed sex dorms in the early nineties - entirely normal.

I don’t know with this, I traveled with my boyfriend years ago and we stayed in mixed dorms sometimes. It wasn’t affordable to get double rooms every time, besides out of town a lot of the time we were the only guests staying in the dorm/hostel altogether. Dorm rooms were a good opportunity to chat to others.

If everyone else is in the mixed sex it can feel safer than being by yourself in the woman dorm. Especially if travelling with your boyfriend or a mixed sex group of friends. That said when I was backpacking in the 2000s in mainland Europe I think we opted for single sex. Also at one point we got a bit stranded and were going to sleep in the station overnight but my friends mum found out and insisted on paying a hotel room for all of us. At the time I thought she was being super overprotective but now I would probably feel the Same about my daughter and female friend sleeping in a random station in a strange country.
But when you are young roughing it /taking risks/meeting randoms is part of the adventure

Travelling with your boyfriend is completely different to being on your own!

Basically women want to control other women 'you are not thinking the way I am telling you to think' women are allowed to think for themselves or maybe not?

Are single sex dorms actually single sex? I know at one point the YHA were letting men use the women’s rooms if they said they identified as women / nonbinary.

That's another problem! I haven't used single-sex hostel rooms since they decided that some males are women.