“Feminism has left middle-aged women like me single, childless and depressed”

[MongoFrogman]

Article by Petronella Wyatt, thoughts?:

https://archive.ph/IBlas

As others have said, I can’t take anything this woman says seriously. I remember another article from her almanac of codswallop about how she was living in poverty because she could only afford a flat in Chelsea rather than a house in Primrose Hill. Or something.

She made her choices. If she’s thick enough to blindly swallow whatever Thatcherist dogma she says she was taught at school without doing any critical thinking about what she really wanted in life then she’s only got herself to blame. I can’t stand this school of thought that being ambitious and career-driven is “acting like a man” either - it’s a stupid invention of misogynist thinking that drive and ambition is male and submissive nurturing is female. They’re neutral, genderless personality traits.

I’m going to use the term ‘almanac of codswallop’. And yes, absolutely to your points.

Wealth and arrogance probably played a greater part in some of her poor life choices than feminism. I doubt many working class feminists (like me) would recognise St Paul’s school for girls take on feminism.

and not much sisterhood in evidence shagging a married man..

😆😂😂

I chuckled at this.

For all the talk, having a long affair with Boris Johnson, perhaps doesn't score highly for 'feminism points'.

Perhaps if she had, priortised having children and a relationship that respected her, she'd feel better.

@Lilacdew An army of Boris’s! Like the Midwich Cuckoos, but scarier!

this. And even if you had a roomful of people who genuinely believed feminism has a lot to answer for, surely none of them would think feminism is responsible for a woman sleeping with BoJo. Shes got 99 problems, and feminism ain’t one of them.

What a weird, bitter, article. I don't think it's feminism's fault. It seems to me that she should take responsibility for her life rather than blaming all these other things.

I think our society has a problem with loneliness and isolation but I don't know if I'd blame it on feminism.

How the hell did she manage to have a long affair with Boris and notget pregnant? I thought he had a child in every postcode.

She did. It's the thing she's most well-known for - she got pregnant by Boris and had an abortion, presumably under pressure from him.

2004

https://amp.theguardian.com/politics/2004/nov/14/uk.conservatives

If she had had children she’d be writing articles about how women can’t have it all and the “ drudgery “ of changing nappies and the negative impact of the school run on her career etc etc
i think what women should remember is that children are children for a tiny part of their and your life and they generally speaking grow up.
i have children and yes it was hard but they are now more or less adults and I have tons of time now and meet them for lunch. Life With children is easy now.
anecdotally it is public school wealthier females that were told to concentrate on their careers. Schools like St Paul’s. I actually went to a comprehensive near there in the 80’s and roughly same age but all my state educated school female friends had 2-3 kids , a couple had 4 so clearly not my experience. And we all had / have careers too.

I am going to go against the grain here. I think that feminism has made young women feel like motherhood is optional, in the way young women never felt before, and that led to a false sense of having all the time in the world to make their minds up about whether they want children or not, and given men this sense that they are under no pressure to get serious about starting a family or being motivated to be a good provider.

The result is that there are many women who don’t tell men to sod off if they are not serious about starting a family. They waste their fertile years waiting for him to declare that he is ready, leave him when that day never arrives, then find themselves in a desperate spot in their late 30s and 40s and many ending up without children and regretting their situation bitterly.

The feeling of having all the time in the world before thinking about having a family, is thinking/feeling like a man. It’s an illusion. Women need to get serious about it earlier.

<ducks for cover>

motherhood is optional though, in that women can choose whether they want to have children or not. I don’t think it’s a secret that fertility declines with age so if women do want children they need to be upfront about that when they’re dating. I told my current partner on our first date that I don’t want kids - if I did want them, I’d have told him that on the first date too.

I don’t know who these women are that think their fertility goes on forever - feminism has never said that, it’s about equality of opportunity and choices. I don’t think men have any obligation to be a “provider” or want children either. There are many men out there who do want families, and the problem isn’t feminism but people not being able to openly communicate. If you’re meekly sat waiting for your partner to declare he wants children, while you’ve never actually broached the topic or made that clear when you started dating then you only have yourself to blame. Men too should be honest about whether they do or don’t want kids.

I do think there’s something in that, not sure it’s fully attributable to feminism tho

I think extended longevity, different expectations of midlife (you can still be youthful, travel and have fun), extended education, extended parental support to get established (education, housing ladder, etc.), and probably other factors I haven’t thought of, all play a part in creating this sense that 30s are the new 20s and so on.

I think a lot of people at 30 are still getting established in their careers and see themselves as young still and starting out rather than nudging middle age.

Unintelligent private-school educated upper class woman, acolyte of Margaret Thatcher, ex-mistress of Boris Johnson, bewails her fate as middle-aged childless crone, blames feminism.

Feminism, Petra? You blame feminism? Not your genes, your parents, your class, your choice of partner? Not your lack of proper education, your wallowing in the tepid remains of aristocratic privilege? Not ... oh, enough. Feminism is to blame.

What a crock of shite.

Motherhood IS optional. We have a society where contraception and abortion are acceptable to the vast majority and freely available, and feminists were heavily involved in bringing those things about.

I don’t think blame can be laid at the feminist door for misinformation on fertility, though. I’d say that’s more the fault of myths that society tells itself in the hope it will be true, and services pushed by certain sectors of the medical profession with regards egg freezing, infertility treatments and so on that give false hope and a distortion of biological reality. I don’t see how that’s the fault of feminists.

It's a weird take.

I don't think her unhappiness has anything to do with feminism.

There are women with high powered careers who are single, married, cohabiting, with or without children. Some of them are happy, some of them are unhappy. There are also women who don't work outside the home and are financially dependent on a man. Some of them are happy, some of them are unhappy.

Feminism will not make you happy. Having a high powered career will not make you happy. Having a husband and children will not make you happy. If happiness if your goal in life then none of these things in isolation will get you there.

Where I think feminism can help women to be happy is that, by encouraging women to be financially independent, it gives us options. We can take control of our own lives and don't have to be like the Bennet sisters, being paraded in front of every eligible bachelor in town to make sure we don't end up being penniless spinsters. We can choose not to marry. We can choose not to have children. Most importantly, we can choose to leave an unhappy relationship.

I think for women who are past childbearing age who would have liked to marry and have children but didn't, the grass is always greener on the other side. I don't for a single moment want to diminish the sadness of a woman who will never experience motherhood when she would have liked to, but it is absolutely not the case that all or even most women who settled down and had children and did a little part-time job are happy and fulfilled in their lives. Many are not.

At the end of the day all we can do is make whatever we feel are the best choices at the time, and try not to end up, in our later years, regretting those choices and wishing we had made different ones.

She is absolutely barking. I read the Telegraph quite a bit, even though it's not aligned with my politics, because DH often gets it for sports coverage. They have 3-4 columnists who are actually insane, IMO, and Petronella is one of them. Their opinion pieces read like Private Eye parodies, except that PE would probably spike them for being too ridiculous.

And if Wyatt chose to have an abortion then she can hardly claim that she’s “missed out on motherhood”. She didn’t even just avoid it, she actively opted out when she was already pregnant!

Probably easier to blame feminism for her childless state than the man she had an affair with who paid for her abortion. It's a very sad story really of making bad choice and struggling with the consequences.

All the child-free women I know have good, worthwhile lives with useful jobs, close friendships and family, and hobbies. Seems like a good choice to me.

I think she had two pregnancies with Boris - a termination and a miscarriage.

I agree I'm baffled as to what feminism has to do with her being depressed, single and childless though. A predilection for dreadful men seems to be at least part of the issue.

I do find that a lot of women have a misguided sense of what feminism is. I've got friends who think it's cool and modern and independent to say "marriage is just a piece of paper" and think that they are sticking two fingers up to a patriarchal society whereas the position is much more nuanced for those who want children but don't have independent wealth/income stream.

I'm an ardent feminist and have been since I was primary school age. Somehow I have managed to acquire a husband, children and career anyway!

Posh women have been shagging politicians on the side since the dawn of politics. Definitely since way before feminism.

Ridiculous, childish woman who tries to blame others for her own mistakes: no wonder she and Boris gelled.

Standard Petronella Wyatt. Fascinated that someone born into privilege, expensively educated and well connected with the "personal responsibility" wing of politics is so keen to blame other women for her own life choices.

What a load of self-pitying bollocks.

You can be a feminist and still have a family. You can also be 50's, single, childless and very happy - one of my closest friends fits this demographic and she's probably the happiest, healthiest person I know!

This article just stinks of "I regret my life choices but want to blame something else for it so I don't have to take responsibility".