There's nothing I can do about this, is there?

[Acunningruse]

Visited a different city today for work and went to a branch of Caffè Nero. I was served by what was very clearly a man, despite his attempt to look female and the fact he was wearing a she/her badge. Said man was wearing extremely tight leggings which, as he was wearing a waist-length t-shirt, meant his manhood was obviously visible. His appearance was a source of mumbling/muttering in the queue and he seemed to be enjoying the attention with a lot of hair-flicking.

I m not able to articulate why this made me so uncomfortable- other than the fact that no way in hell would I want to share a bathroom or changing room with this person.

But there's nothing at all to be done, is there? As any objection would surely be met with accusations of "discrimination " and "be kind".

Just so so frustrating. I just wanted to scream "you are not a woman!!!!" But I can't, can I.

"Interesting" assumptions.

This is so wrong.

If I understand correctly you are suggesting that your assailants were men and trans women are sort of gentle, floaty types who wouldn’t hurt a fly?

The trouble is deviant males will look for ways to insert themselves in women’s spaces and becoming a trans woman is a gift to them.

There's lots of things I don't want to see in public.

Men and boys with their trousers slung so low that the only thing covering their arse is their boxers.

The classic builders bum crack.

Men wandering about with their shirts off when it gets hot.

Women with clothes so thin and tight you can see their bras and knickers, or the outline of their genitals.

Women in "scrunch bum" leggings.

The mens cycling club in very tight lycra in the nice tearoom the other weekend, wandering about with their crotches at eye height.

But they all have the right to dress like that and I just inwardly eyeroll and get on with my day.

This is the same thing. If his employer is happy with how he's dressing then your options are to find another café or put up with it.

This is different. This individual is employed to be serving the public in a public facing role.

If you went into McDonalds would you expect to see a lad with trousers showing his arse crack?

A young lady serving you in butt scrunch leggings? Manager with his shirt off?

Unlikely so not great comparisons.

It is not acceptable to dress in a way that emphasises your genitals in a service job. Especially when everyone knows that, unlike a complaint one may have to those you suggested, if someone was to complain they wouid be accused of being transphobic.

Protected caste and all

This is the same thing.

It's not. Various posters have explained why it's not.

As I said: "If his employer is happy with how he's dressing..."

Going by the response the OP had to her email, they weren't happy.

Oh, and the person posted to the branch to 'observe' the guy in leggings in response.

If this individual is not being pulled up about dressing inappropriately in the workplace, I'd bet his employer is probably scared of being labelled a big transphobe by the usual hard of thinking zealots.

Who hadn't sent the employee home to change, given that OP said he was in the same kind of attire.

Presumably they have to tread quite carefully, as Accidentally says.

No they don't. If an employee is not meeting the dress code they should be pulled up on it.

Not familiar with rabid trans activism no?

Like a PP said, 'protected caste' nails it.

It's interesting how many organisations will fall over themselves to accommodate the feelings and boundaries of a what's apparently a vanishingly tiny proportion of the population. Time and money needed for this is no object.

The feelings and boundaries of a woman who has been made to feel uncomfortable aren't as important.

That's what's happening here.

Men's rights and feelings prioritised over women's. Not a new thing and more depressingly the amount of women propping this up.

I can only echo what others have just come on to say.

The fact that he was clearly enjoying the attention would be made me adamant to not give him the satisfaction of thinking I'd noticed!

I'd keep my eyes firmly at eye level.

Tbh I really dislike low cut big boob cleavage revealing situations too but that may be because I have a very ugly open heart surgery scar where mine is.

Sorry for typos

The "time and place' factor appears to be passing some people by.

Maybe it just isn't taught any more. Some social "rules" exist for bloody good reasons.

My husband has a rare day in the office next week. Since Covid dress code is more relaxed but definitely still leans to "office wear".

Maybe he could don a cute T shirt and some nice tight leggings that show his meat n two veg off. Live and let live and all. When he stops by the desks of seated female colleagues for a quick chat he absolutely shouldn't worry about the fact his penis is pretty much in their face. After all he's just living authentically.

But then he won't do that because he's not a boundary trampling wanker and would never dream of putting his personal need for self expression above the comfort of anyone, especially women.

And if his employer doesn't send him home that then means it's perfectly ok. Or something.

Exactly this.

Anyway, I have sent the following:

"Thank you for your response. Unfortunately the issues I experienced were still the case when I visited this branch again yesterday. Please could you clarify what your staff uniform policy is, and whether grey sports-style leggings which reveal genitalia, conform to the uniform policy? "

Are manners and consideration for others such an outdated concept now?
Is farting loudly in a restaurant socially acceptable? Taking off your shoes and picking loose skin off your feet at your desk okay? Blowing your nose on curtains? Taking your trousers down and scratching itchy bits whilst chatting to your boss? Thin leggings showing cock and balls as a funeral director are fine, are they? No? What's the difference, really, between that and a cafe worker?

What's the difference, really, between that and a cafe worker?

Are you genuinely, seriously, in good faith, asking whether there's a difference between a server in a cafe and a funeral director?