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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Sexual harassed DD6 in unisex toilet

243 replies

LittleCoffeePot · 20/03/2024 12:42

I initially posted this using a throwaway account in AIBU for traffic but it got derailed accusing me of lying and being obsessed with toilets(?) and my account deleted. This is my main account so I'm hoping this wont be deleted as I genuinely need help and advice.

Monday night, my DD6 comes and tells me that the week before, when using some unisex toilets for a different classroom at school that she wasn't familiar with, she was struggling to lock the door and a boy offered to hold the door. These unisex toilets are unsupervised. While using the toilet, the boy gathered a group of other boys and they opened the door twice to all laugh at her while she was on the toilet. She was in floods of tears telling me this and now doesn't want to use the toilet at school. She said she told a teacher or TA but they didn't do anything.

Obviously I immediately brought this up with the school and they have 'investigated'. They implied that it was my daughter's fault for not being able to lock the door and that from now on she's going to be accompanied by an adult to the toilet. They said the boy's mother has been told but they're 'working on' an apology from him. They're also 'investigating' the member of staff who was told but did nothing.

I had no idea that the school even had unisex toilets as the ones I'd seen in Early Years were sexed. I'm horrified that the unisex toilets for young children are unmonitored and that the school has failed my daughter in allowing this to happen.

I've escalated the issue with the head but am expecting to be brushed off with a 'well we've sorted it now' as they've informed me that unisex toilets are apparently the norm. How do I go beyond the school? Who do I alert to this safeguarding failure?

Thanks

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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YetAnotherSpartacus · 20/03/2024 12:47

I'm so sorry that your thread was deleted.

CraftyDog · 20/03/2024 12:48

This reply has been deleted

This is the work of a previously banned poster, so we're taking it down now.

LittleCoffeePot · 20/03/2024 12:48

YetAnotherSpartacus · 20/03/2024 12:47

I'm so sorry that your thread was deleted.

I don't even understand why it was deleted. Is it because it was on a new account? This account is a few years old now but I'm scared to repost this thread it in AIBU again in case I get banned.

OP posts:
BonzoGates · 20/03/2024 12:49

Sorry to hear this OP - your poor daughter.

Is this a unisex loo - self contained or a room of unisex loos so gender neutral?

Coshei · 20/03/2024 12:49

It’s bullying but I don’t see how she was sexually harassed.

LittleCoffeePot · 20/03/2024 12:50

BonzoGates · 20/03/2024 12:49

Sorry to hear this OP - your poor daughter.

Is this a unisex loo - self contained or a room of unisex loos so gender neutral?

I haven't seen it myself but she described it as a self-contained room leading on to a corridor

OP posts:
Twistyripple · 20/03/2024 12:51

I just read your other thread. The amount of troll hunting was just ridiculous.

I'm sorry your daughter has had such a horrible experience. School need to be held to account, not just fobbing you off and "working on an apology". They need to take it seriously.

Unless a member of staff is going to take each child to the toilet each time I wouldn't accept this as a solution for your daughter. It singles HER out and will draw attention. Seems to be a bit victim blaming considering it was other poor kids behaviour that's resulted in your daughter needing supervision.

Total garbage. I wouldn't be putting up with it. Have you thought about contacting the board of governors?

jenniferjane21 · 20/03/2024 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ArabellaScott · 20/03/2024 12:52

OP this is awful, I'm so sorry.

Health and safety regs, planning/building regs and school guidelines all state that children over the age of 8 need single sex loos.

BonzoGates · 20/03/2024 12:52

LittleCoffeePot · 20/03/2024 12:50

I haven't seen it myself but she described it as a self-contained room leading on to a corridor

Poor child - so he offered to 'help' and then betrayed her trust and privacy.

PurpleSparkledPixie · 20/03/2024 12:53

Is it because it was on a new account?
Very probably. Email MN and talk to them about it otherwise this one might get suspended. You should have name changed on this account.

Sorry to hear about your poor DD.

LittleCoffeePot · 20/03/2024 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I've only ever used this account to post on the SEN boards and I think they're deleted after a certain amount of time

OP posts:
Twistyripple · 20/03/2024 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Give over. People have accounts for years without posting. If your not interested in adding anything productive to the thread bugger off and don't click back on it.

Ignore them OP

BonzoGates · 20/03/2024 12:53

And as for the TA and teacher not doing anything - awful

Noshowlomo · 20/03/2024 12:54

Yes this is clearly real MN!
God what a really shit situation. It’s still women and girls that lose out in this new weird world we live in.
Take your complaint as far as you can. I would email my MP, take it all the way. Your child was bullied at her most vulnerable and god knows what else could have happened

LittleCoffeePot · 20/03/2024 12:55

Twistyripple · 20/03/2024 12:51

I just read your other thread. The amount of troll hunting was just ridiculous.

I'm sorry your daughter has had such a horrible experience. School need to be held to account, not just fobbing you off and "working on an apology". They need to take it seriously.

Unless a member of staff is going to take each child to the toilet each time I wouldn't accept this as a solution for your daughter. It singles HER out and will draw attention. Seems to be a bit victim blaming considering it was other poor kids behaviour that's resulted in your daughter needing supervision.

Total garbage. I wouldn't be putting up with it. Have you thought about contacting the board of governors?

Would this be the next step above the head teacher? Is it Ofsted? The Local Authority?

I'm expecting a call this afternoon from the head so not sure what they'll say but I'm not hopeful.

OP posts:
PurpleSparkledPixie · 20/03/2024 12:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I see posts from March 2023 from her. Where are you searching?

UseItOrloseItt · 20/03/2024 12:57

Sexually harassed?

It was mean. It was unkind. It was bullying behaviour. But unless there is a huge dripfeed coming, it wasn't sexual harassment fgs.

If this was one of my sons he would absolutely be punished and made to apologise for being mean. Decent talking to about kind and appropriate behaviour etc.

If the other parent or school came at me with ridiculous terms like sexual harassment over this incident, that would be the end of the conversation or any cooperation from our side.

If 'sexual harassment' is something this child has been asked to apologise for then it might be unsurprising that the apology being requested is not forthcoming.

Itscatsallthewaydown · 20/03/2024 12:57

The troll hunters managed to get their way on the other thread then. I agree that you need to contact MN about this OP, otherwise you’ll get banned as a PBP.

LittleCoffeePot · 20/03/2024 12:58

Itscatsallthewaydown · 20/03/2024 12:57

The troll hunters managed to get their way on the other thread then. I agree that you need to contact MN about this OP, otherwise you’ll get banned as a PBP.

Sorry what's a PBP? What do I contact MN about?

OP posts:
Tinysoxxx · 20/03/2024 12:59

It is not the norm. It will lead to more harm. How have they risk assessed it? If the cubicles are fully enclosed there is a greater risk of serious injury or death as there is no visibility for safeguarding vulnerable children (epilepsy, head injury, heart problems, self-harm, assaults).

It is true that this experiment with children is increasing throughout the country.
https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/education/drug-dealing-drinking-dirt-problems-28517175

'Drug dealing, drinking and dirt' The problems with school toilets in Wales

Pupils are taking drugs and drinking in "dangerous unhygienic" completely enclosed toilet cubicles, says a report by campaign group Merched Cymru

https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/education/drug-dealing-drinking-dirt-problems-28517175

thatsthewayitis · 20/03/2024 12:59

Come down like a ton of bricks; they're in violation of the law and your daughter was sexually harassed due to the school's negligence in having mixed sex bathrooms.
Talk about suing them and mention; "have you spoken to your lawyers and insurers yet?"

Money is what will make them move on this. It's the insurers who will get the school to act!!
I feel for your your dear daughter and all the girls suffering now to this dereliction of safeguarding women and girls' rights!! So Fecking Angry...

lifeturnsonadime · 20/03/2024 13:00

I posted on the other thread. The troll hunters were obvious misogynists.

I agree that you need to contact mumsnet to explain the account issue.

Itscatsallthewaydown · 20/03/2024 13:01

LittleCoffeePot · 20/03/2024 12:58

Sorry what's a PBP? What do I contact MN about?

Sorry, too many abbreviations there! PBP is previously banned poster. If you report your own thread, use the box to explain the situation to the mumsnet mods

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