I think we're losing... It's gone too far

[Patty78]

It seems that everyone I talk to knows someone who is transitioning or is non-binary. I sometimes try to find out how terfy or not someone might be. And they're not because they have a niece or friend or friend's child who's trans. I feel quite alone in my thoughts.

Pronouns at the end of emails are everywhere. I've not been asked to do it yet, but I know it's coming.

I'm a freelancer. I'm on a trial period with a new client. I'm writing a script for a webnovel. The main character is non-binary but looks like a woman. I've been told that I have to write in a gender-neutral way. But it's vampire erotica. And nobody is allowed to be anything - no genitals/breasts. A lot of the other writers on this project are non-binary or FtoM. A lot of cosplay stuff. It's really hard to write. I'm upset because they clearly don't like me. I was hoping for lots of work from this client. Ties are REALLY hard. They loved the test I did for them. But they don't like my story. I just can't do this GenZ/Queer thing. I'm lost. I've always been a loony lefty, always been woke... but I'm all washed out now. I can't keep up. I'm really upset. I have to feed my kid and keep a roof over our heads, but I feel a bit pushed out. I could fake it, pretend I'm non-binary or something. I'm just very down. Very.

I feel like they're going to find out I'm in my 40s, have two tits, single mother, 6 cats... and it just won't wash. It's not cool. I don't have a TikTok where I cosplay. I don't really have much of an online presence at all. I don't pose in fetish gear on Instagram.

I live abroad. Very, very rurally. In the local arts centre I met a MtoF who just looked like a giant trucker in a dress. I know that sounds rude. And I can't believe I'm saying it because I never would have said anything like that in the past. He was complaining about going to a lesbian event and having to drive two hours to get there and that when he arrived, none of them were very nice to him. All the women I was with were comforting him and saying how terrible it was. He said there was a "very masculine energy from the butch lesbians" at the event and that they made him feel very ill at ease. I piped up and suggested that maybe that was because they were lesbians and that lesbians are attracted to women, and it did not go down well. So, I backed off. And now, I smile at him whenever I see him, and we have a pleasant chat. I don't have the courage of my convictions.

Today, I was on a phone call with an old client who might have a little bit of work for me. I told her that I was just finishing up a non-binary vamp story. To be honest, I was hoping for some "terf" company. She was delighted. Her daughter is non-binary, and her daughter's girlfriend is on testosterone. So again, I backed off.

I think this is how it will be. I can't make a living unless I play along. I feel so fed up. I really believe in women's rights, but I can't risk speaking out.

This isn't a very well-ordered post. Sorry. I needed a bit of a ramble. I'm really quite down.

You lot are great. I wish we could all get together and have a little terfy tea party.

One day please write a book with young people in it who love and appreciate their bodies and take care of them and have fun with them! It's very sad that that's taboo now.

All my teenagers think it's regressive bollocks, but saying so would be social death.

You didn't change...

It’s a struggle. We say no and get loads back via threats, institutions and not just U.K. but international orgs

I really hope we can do it collectively

I really want to get to the other side of this where people are writing ‘what the hell happened’

Pfft! There's nothing left wing about this ID Pol nonsense. Pseudo religious quackery.

The centre left does tend to align with gender ideology

Hence politics being closer on one side, and media outlets tending toward TRA eg The Guardian

Whether you go far enough left and drop it, maybe

Because, in case you hadn't noticed (and you have) it's entirely politicised. You re one side or the other and you clearly display your allegiance to one political side or the other by resisting or accepting gender politics.

It's not my idea, I think it's terrible, but it is true.

The thing is when being trans/non binary isn’t as special and unique as it was, the boundaries will get pushed further and people will really lose their patience.
I think there will be a major medical scandal brewing. The puberty blocker business opens the door to people openly discussing the damage at last.

All the people I know who are pushing it are parents of trans children. It’s sad.

Echoing everyone else: please write this book, even if it's just for yourself.

When you're in a captured creative industry (I am too) it can feel like the whole world is captured, but really it's a very vocal minority who make the majority feel like they can't or shouldn't say anything. But as everyone here has said, this fad is waning as kids are opting out of engaging with beer-gut middle-aged men in ugly dresses telling them about their beautiful rainbow lives.

And when it comes to being on "the same side" as someone like Piers Morgan, I've had those questions too. My thought currently is that he's not really a right-wing bigot (he's too experienced for that), he's a troll, trying to annoy or show up those people he thinks are annoying. I say this also as a lefty liberal: Lefty liberals are incredibly annoying over this issue, full of hypocrisy and misogyny and weird kinks, so if that troll wants to bring everyone's attention to this, he can have at it.

The actual mafia, not just the "Mumsnet mafia" as India Willoughby called us on Twitter after the Luna Spain incident? Wow.

My username is inspired by that tweet.

@HydraDominatus this doesn't make any sense. The hard left (e.g. communist party, SWP) are GC. Also, I despise the way the word 'liberal' has been misappropriated. We're not Americans.

I think you're deliberately misunderstanding. It's deliberately, completely and absolutely politicised in the same way Cancer care is completely not.

OK. So millions of ppl are going to vote Labour to get shot of the Tories. Most of them , maybe 90% , are very skeptical about gender woo. But they must all be right wing. Got it. Old communists like Kenan Malik are gender critical. Must remind him to vote Conservative or he will just look inconsistent

Yes if you go far enough left but the centre left is generally more aligned to gender ideology in politics and the media

As an example can you link many pro women articles from The Guardian?

There may be one or two but it’s generally pro men / TRA stance

Yeah you are deliberately misunderstanding :) I never said that

Ah OP, your posts have made me laugh. You’re obviously a great writer!

Don’t despair, not all industries and social groups are as captured.

I have DCs of 18 and 15. They both know a few trans/NB people at college and school and they tend to use people’s chosen pronouns to be polite, but they are rather jaded with it all. DD has observed that many of the young people claiming special identities don’t make great friends because they can be very needy and self-absorbed, and are not easy, fun company (a generalisation, I’m sure, but I’m just reporting what my DCs feel).

I work in the fitness industry and that doesn’t seem to be captured (in my sector at least). Lots of my colleagues are gay/lesbian but no-one is kicking off their fitness classes by announcing their pronouns to their participants. I haven’t even seen pronouns in emails from management. In the environment we’re in, it’s hard to ignore sex differences- we can all see who can do the most push-ups and who is the most flexible!

@HydraDominatus I'm not misunderstanding anything. Your cartoon implies that there has been a swing to the far left and that the far left is the bastion of "woke" thought. This is patently untrue. Gender ideology is a centrist ideology. The vast majority of those who subscribe to the gender religion are good little consumerists and materialists. They are not the hard left, who actively reject it as bourgeois.

Yeah you're misunderstanding me.

Also your soap box is really wobbly. TTFN

If I and others misunderstand you, it's because you are not managing to express yourself clearly.

That graphic is perfect.

The one thing it's missing is the 'fellow liberal' hurling a bundle of women's rights and equality, multi culturalism, LGB acceptance, reality and child safeguarding towards the right as they sprint away.

Yes, although it is true that actual Marxists (as opposed to Marxism-adjacent academics) reject gender ideology.

I think the argument by PPs above is to miss the point of the cartoon though, which is the shifting of the Overton window, regarding gender identity.

I second this. Hilarious paragraph. Please write us a book. I'd buy it

I am in the charity sector and pronouns on e-mails were raised a few years back and then universally politely ignored.

OP, on practical notes - there are other niche webnovel genres - could you try to tap into these?

Also - would you consider creating a plot, feeding it to AI with all the gender boundaries and rules, and getting AI to write the first draft, so it gets all the gender neutral stuff correct without you having to agonise over it. Then go over the draft and jazz it up with a bit of creative flair, making it your own, but keeping the guidelines without the headache of having to block your instincts every time.

As to everyone knows someone... There's a lot of bravefacing going on.