White, middle aged men telling us to be kind...

[MsMarch]

argh. So tedious. Just a rant really. BIL - your classic, middle aged, middle class, white male - has been posting all over social media about the importance of being kind. Lots of emotive posts about children/young teens in transition and why would anyone insist they use the male bathrooms if they don't feel comfortable etc. Patronising responses to women responding. I particularly enjoyed (not really) his faux "I'm still thinking but this is a concern but I'm sure we can come up with a solution" response to someone asking about men in women's sport.

Argh.

Never ceases to amaze me how men like BIL are so often the ones who have th most to say, and are the most insistent that us women must be "kind" because these poor boys/men need our sympathy.

No response necessary. Just wanted to rant.

If your BiL thinks it's wrong to 'penalise all for the mistakes of the few' could ask him his views on safeguarding? I wouldn't use 'penalise' for choice (is it a penalty?) but we safety check all adults working with vulnerable people. Most of those people will absolutely have their heart in the right place, only have good intentions etc. But - there are some, a few, who don't.

Does BiL think this is the correct approach? When I, as a middle aged woman teaching a group of men, had to have a DBS - should I have kicked up a fuss? (I didn't, of course).

Yep, I had this with my brother. I got the just 'be kind' bollocks.

He sent me the photos of the women who claim to be men. As if that would make any difference. And then I sent him the photos of the men who claim they are women.

I'm afraid he got a rather angry rant from me that he didn't have the first fucking clue about us women having to keep ourselves safe when he didn't even have to think about it. His daughter, our Mum, me, his wife and his MIL didn't even feature on his radar until it was clearly pointed out to him. I love him to bits but I am still very cross with him that he needed this to be explained. He gets it now but he should have got it much sooner.

I agree with you. Too many posts - almost certainly from white people trying to look cool - generally slagging off people for being white. The OPs post makes being male, middle aged and white sound like a bad thing. I find it difficult to believe it's a real post as I know vast numbers of middle aged men, none of whom believe that TWAW or believe in all the #bekind nonsense

yeah, I totally made this up. Not.

of course lots of white middle aged men are not like this - most notably, in my case, my dh. But let’s me honest here, there is none so privileged as white middle class man and most of us fighting the craziness of the BeKind brigade have come across such men at various times. Not all (white middle aged) men, obviously. Also they are not the only ones in the BeKind tribe. But it’s a thing.

I doubt if you live in a predominantly non white country that you find white middle aged men being privileged - they would be a minority.
I'm fed up with white people constantly putting themselves down. Other racial groups don't and they are quite right to be proud of their heritage. All racial groups have done and still are doing bad things, but that's a human thing it's not particular to white people. I am very proud of my white Celtic heritage.

Why even point out the "white" part? How does that make a difference to your premise in particular? That seemed strange to me, and even stranger that you would discuss sex with your BIL. I'm close to my BILs, but not that close.

In the event this actually happened, can you ask your BIL how he would feel if a transman used his bathroom at work? Would he be okay with that?

"Women have very little idea of how much men hate them"

A lot of ostensibly "respectable" people can be very spiteful and passive-aggressive, deliberately starting controversial viewpoints or "concern trolling" issues so they can insult and wind up people without directly doing it.

It's a way of social dominance and aggressive without being aggressive as they know that's not socially acceptable nowadays.

(Starting conversations about their "concern" for Channel boat crossings as soon as there's a non-white person in earshot. That kind of thing).

Pretending to play the innocent and "who, me?" when the other person gets wound up.

It's all getting attention and taking up women's energy on their low value selves.

This guy can get women wound up and giving him attention and be all "calm down, dear" (whilst staying within the law) so that's why he's doing this.

I particularly enjoyed (not really) his faux "I'm still thinking but this is a concern but I'm sure we can come up with a solution" response to someone asking about men in women's sport

Can we, aye? Let us know when you're finished having a think and have published your brainfarts findings

The Dunning-Kruger Effect, ladies and gentlemen. There exists no issue so thorny that it cannot be solved by a middle aged man of average intelligence

… because women don’t need his/men’s permission to say no. In fact, women are allowed to say no to him personally even if he feels upset about it.

women are even allowed to say no to him in an upsetting way without engaging in a discussion over it. The answer is no.

Because somewhere money is involved, someone has a financial interest in forcing this