Year 8 trans child - in secret

[WoollyMammoth1]

The recent news article about the trans child at a primary school made me think of sharing a similar story at my DD school, big difference being is that's a secondary school.
DD is in year 8, there's a child in her year that identifies as a girl but is a boy. No one at school, besides staff knows, DD doesn't know either as whilst I feel bad withholding the information, I don't want her to keep this secret at school.

The child has a sibling at the school, who calls him by his girl name. They change in the disabled changing room and use the disabled toilet.

I found out through social media, the parent came up as a possible contact, their profile is open and there were many pictures of her children when younger making it very clear. Absolutely no doubt.

When I first found out, I researched and found there is little I can do. The child's rights seem to trump all others.

DD and the child started building a friendship last year, but this went sour. Which I am glad for considering the circumstances.

My issue here is the deceit and secrecy. Non of the year group know the child is a boy which is such an obvious safeguarding risk, and once they find out they'll feel betrayed. Any friendships are based on a lie. And I feel like I am condoning the situation by not saying anything, esp to DD.

The child lives further from school then most other kids, likely to try and ensure there were no other children at the school that might know them.

It feels wrong to keep things quiet, esp for my daughters, and other girls in her year's sake, so hoping that someone here may have some good ideas in where to go from here.

(Long term Mumsnetter, name changed for this post)

So they feel more comfortable pretending that they have the genitalia of the opposite sex?

Gender identity seems to be something different. What are they aligning with? Stereotypes? Or are they aligning with having the genitalia of the opposite sex?

All this seems to be a rather unhealthy obsession with genitalia, particularly as we're talking about quite young children. Are young children now really this focused on genitalia?

No I don’t think the children are - it’s the adults like you who are making this out to be bigger than what it actually is.

Blimey. Christmas present analogies.

You brought up genitalia.

So another example would be that if I discovered that the new 'doctor' at my local surgery wasn't actually qualified but just identified as a doctor, it would be malicious to 'out' them as unqualified.

Or if I discovered that the man my friend was about to marry was already married (and not divorced), it would be malicious to 'out' him to her before the wedding.

Am I getting the hang of this?

I don’t know about you but I’ve never spoken to any female friends about my periods - I’ve spoken about periods in front of males in my family and it was no issue. It’s anatomy.

You also said this.

So it's just anatomy to you but you decide to bring up genitalia and tell posters here that we have an unhealthy obsession.

Despite telling us that you only discuss periods with male family members.

How did you know that they were male?

Can you answer my question about gender identity? What are they aligning with? Stereotypes? Or are they aligning with having the genitalia of the opposite sex? Or something else?

What is gender identity and what is the relationship between gender identity and sex?

Correction, it was old crone who described the unhealthy obsession with genitalia as emanating from gender explainers here.

If it's just anatomy what is the problem with parents sharing information about a child having boys anatomy?

Once again, I don’t know as I am not trans. How about you ask someone who is?

Why is it a secret that boys have boys anatomy?

I have. They can't explain it either.

It’s not if the boy has said that themselves. Just don’t out someone for how they identify.
Your doctor analogy - yes you should say that to someone in authority as it is damaging for lots of people as they can cause real damages for peoples lives. A child in primary school saying that they identify as a girl isn’t.
The marriage analogy - again you should tell others that before it can lead to emotional and financial harm. Which, again, is not applicable in this situation.
Also - in both examples they are ADULTS these are CHILDREN.

It's is malicious to tell someone a secret about another without their consent ie: ‘they’re a boy’

When we have a scan or amniocentesis is it malicious?

When does it become a malicious act? At what point? Are all family members malicious for knowing?

Are my eyes malicious? Do I need consent when I point to someone and say "can you ask that man if he wants milk in his tea"?

I believe it’s inate - you either have it or you don’t and you don’t know what it’s like unless you live it.
Like you don’t understand depression unless you have experienced it.

Malicious = speaking about someone with intent to harm them.

It’s not if the boy has said that themselves. Just don’t out someone for how they identify.

Eh?

My eyesight is fine but I can't see words this boy might have said about himself.

Not malicious if you know something but don’t tell anyone else without permission.
and I think ‘NO’ for the last 3 questions is applicable
I’m backing out of this conversation now

Malicious = speaking about someone with intent to harm them.

How does it harm a boy to say he's a boy?

So we can't refer to any human on the planet as a male or female, boy or girl, man or woman, without their permission?

Donald Trump has not given me permission to out him as a man, so I'm about to harm Donald Trump.

He's a man.

If it were innate, gender fluid people like Eddie Izzard wouldn't exist, detransitioners wouldn't exist, and there wouldn't be such a high proportion of Tavistock patients who had been in the care system.

Don't you think it's incredible that 4-year-olds understand all about it though?

I think another genderist imploded under the pressure of their unbearably weightless thought processes.