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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

The Asexual spectrum.

176 replies

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 30/12/2023 20:03

I've been informed recently about this.
I thought it was had no sexual feelings, or had sex, but apparently not.
Now I know better.

I absolutely didn't laugh, promise.

The Asexual spectrum.
The Asexual spectrum.
OP posts:
TheAntiGardener · 30/12/2023 20:57

nauticant · 30/12/2023 20:10

If you do an Internet search for relevant keywords, for example "asexual" and "promiscuity", you'll find that some years ago "asexual" became an umbrella term to include those who enjoy sex and have active sex lives. I'll leave to others to speculate on what's been the cause of this and who might benefit from the redefining of "asexual". What I will say is that it follows the familiar patttern of "queering" some people's sexual boundaries.

Quite. I find the demisexual label insulting. As though your sexuality isn’t a fully formed thing if you don’t fancy strangers. Or a given number of people at a given frequency.

Swelterer · 30/12/2023 20:59

The second picture is a bit blurry for me. Just wanted to check which is the correct flag for this particular type of asexuality. Can anyone read it and let me know?

ApocalipstickNow · 30/12/2023 21:03

Has the menopause been queered yet?

I feel it might all get sorted if it has.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 30/12/2023 21:09

This reply has been deleted

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Echobelly · 30/12/2023 21:10

I do feel as though some things presented as sexualities are just 'ways of approaching relationships and sex' rather than sexualities, for example 'wanting to get to know a person before you're sexually attracted to them' (which I think is 'demisexual') just seems to me to be one way (and a common one at that) of approaching relationships, rather than a sexuality.

I do think asexuality is a thing and there are different types of it that are explained quite well by this video: though I'm sure some here will roll their eyes at it. But the presenter makes a good point that it goes across a spectrum from 'up for it only in specific circumstances', 'doesn't seek it out, but genuinely happy to do it with someone they care about as an expression of that love' (which is very much me, though I can't see any great point to declaring myself asexual as I'm happily marroed and not going anywhere - not to say it might be helpful for others perhaps if seeking a new relationship), to 'actively repulsed and doesn't want to do it with anyone ever'. I suppose the point to it is that society assumes everyone really craves sex, and if they don't like it maybe they just didn't find the right person etc, and asexuality creates a space to say 'You don't have to pathologise me, I just don't want sex/have very limited interest in sex and that's OK'.

I do find it funny when you have 12yo's now saying 'I'm asexual' as it's kind of 'Well, I should hope so too at this stage!'

nauticant · 30/12/2023 21:12

I'm happily marroed

Now there's a mental image in a thread about asexuality.

DworkinWasRight · 30/12/2023 21:15

nauticant · 30/12/2023 20:10

If you do an Internet search for relevant keywords, for example "asexual" and "promiscuity", you'll find that some years ago "asexual" became an umbrella term to include those who enjoy sex and have active sex lives. I'll leave to others to speculate on what's been the cause of this and who might benefit from the redefining of "asexual". What I will say is that it follows the familiar patttern of "queering" some people's sexual boundaries.

So asexuals encompasses people who don’t like sex and people who do like sex. Isn’t that…everybody?

nauticant · 30/12/2023 21:16

Yes. But part of how we've reached this point has been the destabilisation of the boundaries of those who don't want to have sex.

Biscofffan · 30/12/2023 21:18

Oh god overthinking life and sex to the nth degree - my patience has run out with this idiocy. SSSTTTTOOOOOOOPPPPPP ITTTTTTTTTTT!

ResisterRex · 30/12/2023 21:27

Ricky Gervais wasn't wrong when he observed the change in the word "queer".

PianPianPiano · 30/12/2023 21:32

What I also don't get is if she's only out to her husband and other "queer" people, who is she defending her identity to?! Her husband? Other "special" queer people who don't feel she's quite as special and marginalised and they are?!

Moonflower12 · 30/12/2023 21:34

I just thought I was menopausal and knackered due to work, children, life etc. I'm at the very least, most surprised to find out I'm now queer.

Soubriquet · 30/12/2023 21:34

Some people are so desperate to be yoonique and special they have to come out with bullshit like this

AnActualAsexual · 30/12/2023 21:35

I made a post on an earlier thread (about Stonewall’s “research” into asexuals being terribly discriminated against 🙄) about the term being turned from a useful descriptor into a nonsense one so people can claim oppression points.

nauticant · 30/12/2023 21:36

Which I thought was an excellent post.

newtlover · 30/12/2023 21:43

its a bit like discovering one has been speaking prose all one's life, isn't it

kitsuneghost · 30/12/2023 21:47

I consider myself asexual but don't really feel part if LGBQT.
I just don't like sex.

aname1234 · 30/12/2023 21:58

thirdfiddle · 30/12/2023 20:44

I wonder if it's a too much porn thing actually. They see the always-on way people in porn react to members of their desired sex, and because they don't want to drop their pants and shag the plumber they think they're somehow unusual.

If this is the reason, then I find this very disturbing indeed. It does make sense of all these ridiculous labels

Echobelly · 30/12/2023 21:59

As a probably asexual person myself, I can't see especially how asexual people are oppressed I have to say. It might be annoying to exist in a world where everyone assumes you want something you don't but no more than that. If there are instances of mistreatment of women due to not wanting sex (which I think is an example I've heard brought up) I'd say that has more to do with misogyny and sexual violence than asexuality.

Original poster
TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 30/12/2023 22:06

I just don't buy it, and certainly not that ridiculous spectrum.
Who would even know if you didn't want to have sex, who would you "come out", to.
I've not had sex for years, have no interest in it and am very happy with that.
I'm certainly not "queer", or discriminated against because of it.

OP posts:
MsInterpret · 30/12/2023 22:09

Jesus.
Christ.

What next?
<headinhands>

SidewaysOtter · 30/12/2023 22:14

ApocalipstickNow · 30/12/2023 21:03

Has the menopause been queered yet?

I feel it might all get sorted if it has.

Oh I do hope so. I’ve always wanted to be one of The Speshul People.

TheWillowTrees · 30/12/2023 22:14

Good grief. Can’t help but think that porn is in part to blame for the idea that the default is to be permanently up for it, so anything outside that (eg wanting to feel emotionally close to someone before you get physically close) becomes a marginalised identity in need of defence.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 30/12/2023 22:20

@ShowOfHands kind of like chocolate cake, i wont make it or buy it but when offered it, it's lovely. old and monogamous here also.

Original poster
TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening · 30/12/2023 22:22

SidewaysOtter · 30/12/2023 22:14

Oh I do hope so. I’ve always wanted to be one of The Speshul People.

Show quote history

I'm very speshul, not having sex and being post menopausal makes me terribly vulnerable and people want to kill me, or something.

OP posts: