Page 18 | Dating as a TERF

TERFisTHEnewTREND · 2023-12-14T19:39:17+00:00

I'm a 34 year old female. I'm currently dating via Tinder. When the gender issue has come up and I've mentioned that I'm a TERF, a lot of men have disengaged from me. I once went on three dates with a man, we got on great, and then when I mentioned my views on gender ideology, he ghosted me after! Do you mention your stance up front or do you wait? I don't want to date anyone who thinks humans can change sex, is it worth stating this on my profile? Any help/ advice/ insights appreciated.

RainWithSunnySpells · 17/12/2023 10:11

InvisibleBuffy · 17/12/2023 08:49

I think it's because the reality is hard to accept.
It's far easier to believe that 'both sides' are bad and there are 'bad women' who did something to deserve the abuse they're getting.
The moment that you accept that they are no different to you, is the moment you understand that you're a target too: that the absolutely unhinged hatred that some TRAs display can also be turned on you.
It's terrifying being the target of such rage and a hard thing for the psyche to accept.
Far, far easier to stay in denial and cling to the illusion that those women did something to deserve it.

It's the belief in a just world fallacy.

ArthurbellaScott · 17/12/2023 10:58

So it is, Rain.

Waitwhat23 · 17/12/2023 11:24

I suppose we're at the stage of needing the joke now: what's the difference between a nice terf and a nasty terf? With the answer being 'a few months of direct exposure to activists and critical thought'.

You've made me think of this

Theeyeballsinthesky · 17/12/2023 11:34

Yes! I was only thinking of that meme yesterday @Waitwhat23

nearly every woman here started out thinking there was probably something we were missing, that there must be some kind of compromise, that no one really thought TW were actually women - and then realised no compromise is possible, once one man is in just cos he’s a ‘legitimate’ (however on Earth that is defined) then all men are in and women have nothing left jusr fir them

ArthurbellaScott · 17/12/2023 11:34

Well, sort of, only it's not polite to call women bigots/nutters/wacky for no reason, while apparently espousing all the same beliefs as them. The 'polite' only goes in one direction, and it's not towards women.

What I see in common between the 'I'm not like those nasty terfs' and TRAs is the underlying disparity in attitude towards women and men. I'm not wholly blaming individuals for this - some of this is probably down to societal misogyny.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 17/12/2023 11:36

Speaking of societal misogyny, I note India Willoughby - who was horrified to find that MN wasn’t all pushchairs & lipstick - has retweeted the thread. Let’s all wave to India.

Whiskerson · 17/12/2023 11:40

Oh what a massive surprise, I never ever thought this incredibly heartfelt and genuine cry for dating help could possibly end up being used as Twitter fodder 🙄

Waitingfordoggo · 17/12/2023 11:40

IW is so obsessed with MN. 😂 Hi India 👋🏼

ArthurbellaScott · 17/12/2023 11:49

Hi, India! Season's greetin to you.

MsRosley · 17/12/2023 12:14

ArthurbellaScott · 17/12/2023 09:50

The difference between a legitimate transwoman and a man who is faking being a transwoman is within the mind of the transwoman.

We, society, can't know if a man is lying about his feelings or not.

When there is a clash of rights we cannot base societal rules and laws on the subjective feelings of one group while dismissing those of the other group impacted.

To women, it doesn't actually make any difference if Isla Bryson is lying about his feelings or being really honest.

There's a bloke with a cock in women's prison. This is not okay, however he feels.

The difference between a legitimate transwoman and a fake one doesn't actually make any difference to women. The issue is a man in their space.

If you focus the judgement on women's feelings instead of men's the answer is clear. The 'legitimate' transwoman argument only works if you base the argument on the male point of view.

Great point.

MargotBamborough · 17/12/2023 12:16

ArthurbellaScott · 17/12/2023 09:50

The difference between a legitimate transwoman and a man who is faking being a transwoman is within the mind of the transwoman.

We, society, can't know if a man is lying about his feelings or not.

When there is a clash of rights we cannot base societal rules and laws on the subjective feelings of one group while dismissing those of the other group impacted.

To women, it doesn't actually make any difference if Isla Bryson is lying about his feelings or being really honest.

There's a bloke with a cock in women's prison. This is not okay, however he feels.

The difference between a legitimate transwoman and a fake one doesn't actually make any difference to women. The issue is a man in their space.

If you focus the judgement on women's feelings instead of men's the answer is clear. The 'legitimate' transwoman argument only works if you base the argument on the male point of view.

👏

MsRosley · 17/12/2023 12:16

Excellent news. Well done, India! It's always good to know our (carefully considered and researched) arguments are getting more exposure.

Waitwhat23 · 17/12/2023 12:19

India 'I grew a cervix and will show it on national television' Willoughby?

I can't say many of us here will be particularly bothered by criticism coming from India.

MargotBamborough · 17/12/2023 12:21

I've said absolutely nothing on this thread that I wouldn't stand by on Twitter, among friends and family, at work, on TV, in a police interview or in a court of law, so India can do what India likes, I don't care.

Helleofabore · 17/12/2023 12:23

“The Posie Parker character wouldn't exist if it weren't for the far left losing it.”

I think this pretty much was the icing on the cake.

Not only do we have a poster who dehumanises people with differences of sex differences, hypocritically scolding others for using blunt back accurate language that doesn’t dehumanise, doesn’t use slurs just correctly sexes a male individual. But we have a poster actively dehumanising any one who they feel is extreme. “The Posie Parker character .” This was on top of the ‘nutter’, ‘bible belt’ language and more.

Surely this is a caricature of a ‘kind’ and ‘tolerant’ person, and we have been pranked?

MargotBamborough · 17/12/2023 12:26

Helleofabore · 17/12/2023 12:23

“The Posie Parker character wouldn't exist if it weren't for the far left losing it.”

I think this pretty much was the icing on the cake.

Not only do we have a poster who dehumanises people with differences of sex differences, hypocritically scolding others for using blunt back accurate language that doesn’t dehumanise, doesn’t use slurs just correctly sexes a male individual. But we have a poster actively dehumanising any one who they feel is extreme. “The Posie Parker character .” This was on top of the ‘nutter’, ‘bible belt’ language and more.

Surely this is a caricature of a ‘kind’ and ‘tolerant’ person, and we have been pranked?

I mean, troll hunting is against the rules so I'm not doing that, but as a PP noted, the implication that the Bible belt is full of radical feminists was taking things a bit far. Surely nobody could believe anything so stupid?

Froodwithatowel · 17/12/2023 12:31

ArthurbellaScott · 17/12/2023 09:50

The difference between a legitimate transwoman and a man who is faking being a transwoman is within the mind of the transwoman.

We, society, can't know if a man is lying about his feelings or not.

When there is a clash of rights we cannot base societal rules and laws on the subjective feelings of one group while dismissing those of the other group impacted.

To women, it doesn't actually make any difference if Isla Bryson is lying about his feelings or being really honest.

There's a bloke with a cock in women's prison. This is not okay, however he feels.

The difference between a legitimate transwoman and a fake one doesn't actually make any difference to women. The issue is a man in their space.

If you focus the judgement on women's feelings instead of men's the answer is clear. The 'legitimate' transwoman argument only works if you base the argument on the male point of view.

Well said.

When you find yourself in a vulnerable, undressed state with a man beside you, are you seriously going to inquire as to what the male says is happening in his head at the time and then obediently adapt your objective perceptions around what he tells you?

I mean, it makes no odds whether he is telling you the absolute truth or he is lying.

The fact is that you are willingly outsourcing your reality based on what an unknown male tells you he would like you to. And my God do you account that male a hell of a lot of importance and authority over you. As with whether or not he is lying, it doesn't matter whether you're obeying him out of sentiment or indulgence because you feel protective towards him and it feels nice to do so, or because you are doing it in fear because you feel very afraid of what he may do if thwarted.

The effect remains exactly the same.

MsRosley · 17/12/2023 12:32

Theeyeballsinthesky · 17/12/2023 11:34

Yes! I was only thinking of that meme yesterday @Waitwhat23

nearly every woman here started out thinking there was probably something we were missing, that there must be some kind of compromise, that no one really thought TW were actually women - and then realised no compromise is possible, once one man is in just cos he’s a ‘legitimate’ (however on Earth that is defined) then all men are in and women have nothing left jusr fir them

I was going to post one of my favourites but I can't find it! Anyone else got the one of a man on his laptop and it says something like 'I'm going to check out these hateful terfs are saying... aaand I'm one of them'.

Waitwhat23 · 17/12/2023 12:35

MsRosley · 17/12/2023 12:32

I was going to post one of my favourites but I can't find it! Anyone else got the one of a man on his laptop and it says something like 'I'm going to check out these hateful terfs are saying... aaand I'm one of them'.

Show quote history

I love a meme.

Original poster

TERFisTHEnewTREND · 17/12/2023 12:35

Can anyone (perhaps India themself?) screenshot India's tweet? They has me blocked!

OP posts:

SinnerBoy · 17/12/2023 12:39

MsRosley* · Today 09:05

The fact that women are supporting this idiocy demonstrates beyond all doubt that misogyny is alive and well, and that intelligent, educated people are as susceptible to irrational belief systems as the great unwashed/unwoked/boomers/deplorables they despise.

Cf the Women For Trump group, before he got in.

GailBlancheViola · 17/12/2023 12:43

Ah India W with the very male 1950's view of what women are and what women should be, I couldn't give a flying fuck what India thinks or says, India's opinion is irrelevant.

Sidaway · 17/12/2023 12:53

Ok as predicted this thread has now been seized on with glee by the TRAs on Twitter/X. "Terfs are undateable".

Are we sure the OP isn't a troll?

https://twitter.com/windupgemma/status/1736035537020969167

Original poster

TERFisTHEnewTREND · 17/12/2023 13:03

Sidaway · 17/12/2023 12:53

Ok as predicted this thread has now been seized on with glee by the TRAs on Twitter/X. "Terfs are undateable".

Are we sure the OP isn't a troll?

https://twitter.com/windupgemma/status/1736035537020969167

If you think I'm a troll then just report me and MN will look into it. Troll hunting is banned BTW.