Dating as a TERF

[TERFisTHEnewTREND]

I'm a 34 year old female. I'm currently dating via Tinder.

When the gender issue has come up and I've mentioned that I'm a TERF, a lot of men have disengaged from me. I once went on three dates with a man, we got on great, and then when I mentioned my views on gender ideology, he ghosted me after!

Do you mention your stance up front or do you wait? I don't want to date anyone who thinks humans can change sex, is it worth stating this on my profile?

Any help/ advice/ insights appreciated.

Oswald Moseley, eh? The TEZs are more like his lot, with their Terf-Smashery rhetoric and violent actions.

MargotBamborough · Today 13:21

Also, I'm not sure what is so unreasonable about saying, "Yes, this 0.5% of the population deserves to be treated with compassion and respect, but not in such a way that involves depriving 51% of the population of the compassion and respect THEY deserve", which is what we are saying.

Well, that's the nub of it, isn't it? The difference is that they deny that with all their might.

Indeed.

Is it still the case that even if a woman identifies as a man she is defined by her birth sex for hereditary peerages in the UK?

Equality is a marvellous thing, or so I've heard.

And imposition of compelled speech, punishment of 'wrongthink' with the insistence of capitulation and apologies, suppression of free speech, etc etc.

So very progressive.

There's a reason that 'no debate' was imposed for so long.

Ohh, now we've moved onto 'thinking men aren't women is the the same as racism'.

How about you take some of your #be kind, and apply it to women?

Thinking that people who wear dresses and lippy = women is about as backward thinking as you can get, this side of the Taliban. You are the regressive one, you are the one lacking sense and tolerance. But you can't see it, because you're only thinking about what the men want.

Waitwhat23 · Today 13:47

And imposition of compelled speech, punishment of 'wrongthink' with the insistence of capitulation and apologies, suppression of free speech, etc etc. So very progressive.

Well, there's none so blind as them that cannot see, as someone said!

But being hostile to those who do and referring to them as blokes in dresses

But that's what they are! They may feel that they are something or someone else, but a biological bloke will always be a biological bloke, whether or not he wears a dress?!

Why is this even controversial?

The UK has areas where it is very tolerant and areas where it isn't, about different things (I'm thinking culturally rather than geographically). Often directly contradicting each other; so in the 50s when we had a vilely homophobic Home Secretary who presided over a huge clampdown on men having sex with each other, in one case a big crowd gathered outside the courtroom to clap and cheer the convicted 'criminals' because they could see the vicious irrationality with which the law was being enforced. And yet it wasn't like there was any real ability for men to walk down most streets holding hands without risking attack. Have we got there, even now? There might be a class element - British people are oddly indulgent of posh people, much harsher on those thought to have aspirations 'above their station'. The case that people gathered was trying aristocrats who'd been cottaging i believe.

My cousin transitioned 20 years ago as an adult and has continued to work in their professional job without any apparent issues (they might say differently of course). Apparently their genital surgery has resulted in longstanding complications- no idea if they regret that or not. Seeing teenagers and very young women transitioning medically immediately after turbulent years at school and apparently believing that they really are men, I do immediately see that as sexist and lesbophobic exploitation of women. A 20 year old having a mastectomy just to 'feel better' or to look more masculine is grim sexism of a type im too familiar with after a few decades on this planet. How can people not see that?

redlavender · Today 13:51

Because Be Kind ™®© you massive bigot!!1!

Just to clarify, do you think it is "progressive" to believe that it is the act of wearing a dress that makes someone a woman?

Someone ought to travel back in time and tell Miss Pankhurst that the reason she isn't allowed to vote is because she wears dresses, not because she is female.

Aha! Found it

@DC1888 Do you know about Susie Green?

She is the former CEO of Mermaids, the trans kids charity, and the mother of a trans woman who began identifying as a girl in early childhood.

Until recently it was easy to find a video of her doing a TED Talk about raising a trans daughter. It was very illuminating.

Basically she said that when her son Jack was a toddler, he liked stereotypically girly things like dolls and dresses. She said that she assumed he would grow up to be gay (which is a bit WTF in itself) and was fine with it, but her husband wasn't at all fine with the idea of having a gay son and took all these girly toys away from him and tried to make him play with cars and trucks instead. It didn't work, their child became more and more unhappy, saying he was really a girl. At 12 his mother took him to the US for puberty blockers and on the eve of his 16th birthday she flew him to Thailand to have his penis removed and an artificial vagina surgically constructed. In a separate video she was filmed appearing to laugh about the fact that the surgery wasn't terribly successful because her child had been on puberty blockers from such a young age that his penis was the size of a prepubescent child's, and so the surgeons were unable to perform a really successful penile inversion as there wasn't enough tissue to work with.

Still think this is progressive?

Wouldn't it have been more progressive for this person's parents to have just accepted that their son liked to play with dolls and that he may or may not grow up to be gay?

I cannot for the life of me understand how anyone can claim that this sexist, misogynistic, homophobic ideology is in any way progressive.

Oh and by the way, these videos are now nowhere to be found. Someone has gone to considerable time and expense having all trace of them removed from the internet.

I wonder why.

Or will not see

This thread has found its way onto Twitter (or X): https://twitter.com/KatyMontgomerie/status/1735999060857749877

I see some posters continue to post opinions in agreement with feminists on points about women's rights, sport, etc, but still managing to pepper their posts with slurs and insults. 'Wacky' 'nutters' 'bigots' etc.

It's almost as if they're only here to fling shit.

Shocked.

lol what did I say about screenshots?

Shocked.

And it's ALWAYS a screenshot, rather than a link to the thread.

Yes, annoying that.

Well of course. God forbid anyone actually came on here and saw what was written with their own eyes.

As if any of Hatey's followers are capable of engaging their brains anyway.