DD feeling bad after mis-gendering sub teacher.

[ImDuranDuran]

On the way home this afternoon, DD14 explained how she is 'in trouble' after addressing her sub teacher as 'Sir' during a lesson.

It's the first time the teacher has subbed for the class.

Apparently teacher snapped back "Actually it's 'Miss' to you!".

I asked DD if the teacher had made any announcement at the beginning of the lesson regarding pronoun preference and she's adamant that they did not.

I'm concerned that DD now thinks she's in trouble and to be honest I'm pissed off. It was a genuine mistake and she's 14. She would never intentionally try to embarrass a teacher.

If the teacher had pulled her aside afterwards and explained the situation I might be more understanding.

Should I just leave it?

There's calling a woman, a man, in a 2 second encounter where you are handing them something in a shop, and there's having a 40 minute lesson with someone talking to the whole class and moving around.
You can ask the school without making a scene!

The point is, he didn’t correct her. She had correctly observed his sex. He told her to pretend he was a woman.

When was Gaslighting added to the school curriculum?

This, 100%.

As in PP’s point about being able to tell a person’s sex when seen only as a silhouette: the ability to recognise someone approaching on a dark street is a man can save a woman’s life.

Anyone trying to undermine this innate ability is a danger to children and women.

The OP is complaining her DD is "in trouble". She isn't. There's nothing to suggest she is.

Several times a week through the whole pandemic, and a couple of times a month since then. I have had a whole telephone clinic of patients. So adds up to ringing many hundreds of parents, with no indication of which parent the phone number belongs to. Most of whom answered the phone with the one word "hello". Do you know how many times out of those many hundreds I got the sex wrong from one word over an often somewhat dodgy phoneline? Twice. That's with zero visual clues. It really isn't that hard.

I bumped into a bearded individual in the ladies' toilets of an event. I had a nanosecond of fight or flight, and then immediately relaxed. Because their build, height, posture, facial features, lack of adam's apple, carrying angle, everything about them screamed woman. Trans man of course. No threat.

And this is how they're winning. No offence intended you to OP as I'd not want my young DD to face repercussions either.

Because we're decent mothers and care about our children's wellbeing and mental health we don't do things to embarrass them or which could harm them and we know gender zealots don't give a fuck about child wellbeing and are willing to use violence against those who believe in biological reality, like Posie.

They don't even care about trans kids - because not only are they promoting their sterilisation for their own personal political gain but they're also creating a situation where any child with a tiny iota of sense will avoid trans kids like the plague for fear of repercussions for getting stupid shit like bloody pronouns wrong.

So ridiculous to humiliate a child over this, and with such language. Teacher is obviously touchy about "not passing" and has to punish DD over it. She did the correct thing in not looking at a male in "female" dress and assuming it's a tw, to me that shows a progressive view opposing the deeply homophobic, misogynistic one taught at schools today.

She might be upset, due to being a respectful and sensitive child (fantastic traits), but she also showed independent thought, good on her.

Why would you act any further?

Your DD got their gender wrong, yes it’s a bit embarrassing for them both but there were no repercussions for your DD at all.

Your DD came to you, embarrassed about the situation and instead of making her feel better about it, you want to take things further, put it all over MN, get it put on SM and use it as a tool to further your transphobia.

Your poor DD made a mistake.
Don’t embarrass her any further.

A general point.

Correctly identifying someone's sex is not a 'mistake.'

The DD made a mistake because she thought the female teacher was a man.

The teacher corrected her and that was the end of it.

There are multiple posts from teachers who have been or know people who have been mistaken for a man, due to having short hair or facial hair.
Its a common issue unfortunately.

DD doesn’t want to take it further as she’s obviously realised her mistake but it’s the OP who is trying to turn this into a trans issue (of which they have form) when it’s not.

There's an option to 'report' on here. Exercise it.

*The DD made a mistake because she thought the female teacher was a man.

The teacher corrected her and that was the end of it.*

In 14 years she's never had an issue with establishing the difference between a man and a woman.

She said the teacher was a man. He clearly identifies otherwise. That's his prerogative but as an adult, responsible for a classroom full of children, he should have made it clear that he wished to be addressed otherwise. Not make an example of a child to fulfil his agenda.

There are multiple posts from teachers who have been or know people who have been mistaken for a man, due to having short hair or facial hair.
It’s a common issue unfortunately.

None of whom, on here at least, have snapped at the child in response.

DD doesn’t want to take it further as she’s obviously realised her mistake

I must’ve missed your conversation with her? That’s not the case at all. She hasn’t made a mistake nor is she under the impression that she has. She doesn’t want me to do anything as she’s worried about the potential impact it will have on her.

The DD made a mistake because she thought the female teacher was a man

Once more pointing out that this poster was not there and does not know this, it's purely their biased speculation.

OP you’ve said that the teacher had short hair and was wearing a tracksuit - do you really think a trans woman would have short hair and a tracksuit?
Of course not.

If this was a trans woman they would have make up on and be dressed obviously as a woman and make their pronouns known.

If it was a man in a dress and your DD accidentally said ‘sir’ then I’d 100% be on your side.
But this was a teacher who was wearing masculine clothes and DD assumed that it was a man.

DD was corrected and that was that.

This teacher snapped at her because she probably gets nasty comments all of the time and thought DD was taking the piss.
No other student said sir in the entire hour lesson?

If a male teacher was dressed as a man and didn’t give his pronouns as anything different, then of course you would say sir.
The fact that the teacher snapped and said miss is obviously because she’s a biological female!

Your view on trans people is influencing your ability to think logically.

The only reason this is an issue is that it was an actual man. If it becomes an issue, it would be an interesting question to ask ‘How many teachers at this school have ever been misgendered and how many of them have ever made an issue out of it?’ I’ve been called ‘Mr …’ loads of times. I either just respond as if everything is normal or a bit of a raised eyebrow look until they correct themselves.

*OP you’ve said that the teacher had short hair and was wearing a tracksuit - do you really think a trans woman would have short hair and a tracksuit?
Of course not.

If this was a trans woman they would have make up on and be dressed obviously as a woman and make their pronouns known.*

Dressed obviously as a woman?? You can't be serious!

I'm wearing trousers today. My 86 year old great aunt has consistently had short hair and I have no recollection of her ever wearing a dress. Or makeup. Does that make her an obvious trans man?

Your post couldn't reek of sexist stereotyping any more if you tried.

OP you’ve said that the teacher had short hair and was wearing a tracksuit - do you really think a trans woman would have short hair and a tracksuit?
Of course not.

If this was a trans woman they would have make up on and be dressed obviously as a woman and make their pronouns known.

You are aware that "non binary" males exist? They don't always conform to the feminine stereotype, but plenty call themselves "she/they."

So that's what kids are being taught in school nowadays? We're doomed.

Your view on trans people is influencing your ability to think logically.

And you yours. You are uninformed about this subject in general and you weren't there. No one needs to listen to what you reckon about it. This is FWR, not AIBU, we believe women and girls here when they report things men have done. OP's DD thought this person was male, that's good enough for me.

Are you and your great aunt biological males pretending to be women?

Don’t try and deflect by accusing me of being sexist, just because you have no good answer to what I’ve said.

Your DD made a mistake.
She didn’t get into trouble for it.
She doesn’t want you taking it further.
Just drop it and stop making it into something it’s not.

Yes trans people are shockingly sexist, especially tw who try to appropriate the oppressed sex rights. Why berate someone pointing that out? The whole movement is regressive and sexist and apparently allows men to tell off teenage girls and be praised for it. Like your dd and those girls Eddie Izzard told off in the toilets.

Yes which is why OP posted on this thread and why some of these replies are so silly and completely ignoring all of the posters saying they’ve been called sir.

Those posters are actually women. You have zero way of knowing whether this was a woman, all you have is what OP's DD says.

Most of these males are completely obvious males.