DD feeling bad after mis-gendering sub teacher.

[ImDuranDuran]

On the way home this afternoon, DD14 explained how she is 'in trouble' after addressing her sub teacher as 'Sir' during a lesson.

It's the first time the teacher has subbed for the class.

Apparently teacher snapped back "Actually it's 'Miss' to you!".

I asked DD if the teacher had made any announcement at the beginning of the lesson regarding pronoun preference and she's adamant that they did not.

I'm concerned that DD now thinks she's in trouble and to be honest I'm pissed off. It was a genuine mistake and she's 14. She would never intentionally try to embarrass a teacher.

If the teacher had pulled her aside afterwards and explained the situation I might be more understanding.

Should I just leave it?

Often happens - I’m a female teacher and have been called sir, mum and dad numerous times. I get kids names wrong too sometimes!

Is this actually a case of the teacher being trans or did your DD make a simple slip of the tongue like when students accidentally call their teacher 'mum'?

What exactly do you mean by 'trouble' - is there an actual punishment?

I do t tell them off though!

Posted too soon but this sounds like a complete non-issue based on what you've shared so far.

Is this teacher trans? Or was it just a mistake like saying Sir automatically?

From what I can gather, teacher is a biological male and and based on the response to DD identifies as female.

There was no reference to this at the beginning of the lesson which is why I'm not sure if I need to address it or not.

If it's a non-issue then why feel the need to respond to DD the way they did?

Did she say ‘Sir’ as a slip of the tongue, or did she think she was being taught by a man? Either way, not her fault and no big deal, especially if there wasn’t an announcement about preferred pronouns. Imagine a teacher intimidating a 14 yr old pupil over something like that. I despair.

She thought she was being taught by a man.

She was being taught by a man.

So what you're saying is that a man has told your DD that she must believe he really is a woman. And told her off when she referred to him as his actual sex.
Bollocks to that - I’d be speaking to the school about your child not being made to use compelled speech.

IMO, any teacher that brings this in to the classroom in this form shouldn't be teaching.

Every teacher that I have ever known has at some point been called the wrong pronouns.

She was being taught by a man.

Tell her that she used her eyes to make a judgement about the situation which is a vital skill that could one day prove lifesaving. Subsequently she used the correct sex pronouns for the teacher which she absolutely shouldn't feel bad about. The situation's over now, move on.

Just maybe worth being a tiny bit careful - a teenager today might conceivably not have fully-developed sex-detection, so I'd be wondering whether perhaps an unmade-up, short haired, fairly deep-voiced female teacher might be read as a male by a teenager. If this was a substitute teacher she's not going to have to deal with again, I think I might ask about that, and then likely reassure her she did nothing wrong and move on.

She thought she was being taught by a man.

She was

What are you on about?

Short hair, no make-up and a deep-ish voice does not a woman make.

What about the bone structure, the shoulder width, the adam's apple, the neck girth, the body shape, the hand size.

Even aside from all of this -sex recognition is innate and primal so even the smallest of high-voiced, narrow, slender men would be fairly easily read as male.

That's pretty appalling: using young tens/children as pawns in your personal politics.

I would be raising this with the school ...

She thought she was being taught by a man.

She was being taught by a man.

I would wait to hear what ‘trouble’ your DD is in. If she is given ANY punishment, I’d be in the school sharpish!

If no punishment is given, I’d ignore. Attention is what these deluded people want. It’s absurd that this shit is allowed in schools, they’re gaslighting kids and making them go along with this crap.

And this is why pronouns are not cool

They are a way to gaslight and abuse people and then make them feel guilty for an honest mistake.

It's a power trip. And why it's wholly inappropriate in schools / other positions of authority.

Your daughter has been the one who is the victim of emotional abuse here, not the teacher.

Absolutely my position.

Just maybe worth being a tiny bit careful - a teenager today might conceivably not have fully-developed sex-detection, so I'd be wondering whether perhaps an unmade-up, short haired, fairly deep-voiced female teacher might be read as a male by a teenager. If this was a substitute teacher she's not going to have to deal with again, I think I might ask about that, and then likely reassure her she did nothing wrong and move on.

Total bs. Toddlers can tell if a person is a woman, even ones who have short hair and aren’t doing womaning well enough for you.

In my DC's old school there was a female to male trans teacher who transitioned at the end of an academic year ending the year as Miss and starting the next term as Sir.

It was really disconcerting to talk to them and have to remember to address by a different pronoun.

If it's a male trying to compel your daughter's speech that's a safeguarding red flag and also I believe breaches keeping children safe in education. You could mention A Millar in Scotland. Young girls should not be bullied into denying their instincts about someone's sex nor compelled to use language differently to the norm (sex-based speech) on the say so of a man.

And as PP says, the way this breaches KCSIE is that it's emotional abuse - there's a bit in there IIRC that children should not be treated as if their only value is in validating an adult.

I'd be requesting that this teacher not be in any position they could be alone with my child based on this.

She was