DD is now a TERF

[Bouledeneige]

So pleased. When she was at school in her late teenage years she was very woke and we had some horrible arguments - she told me to never to say my views in front of her friends as they'd hate me (all very privileged righteous middle class girls who had all the views and were constantly 'calling out' others behaviours). I simply could not say that woman means an adult human female.

But now she's 23 and a feminist in every way. The conversation started on men in women's sport and Lia Thomas. We then moved to women being safe in refuges and prisons. We then discussed who but a biological woman understands period pains and the everyday institutional sexism in society, or feeling unsafe in the streets after dark. Then we discussed medicalising young people and doing irreversible harm to their bodies and future fertility. She brought up the NHS using terms like 'people who give birth'. I told her about Jessica Yaniv.

It felt so good. I've kept my mouth shut for so long.

Just need to wait for common sense to prevail with DS 21 currently at Sussex University.

The trick is to never feel guilty or bad or doubtful about your opinion and attitude. Not an iota. Not for a moment.

It's a tough thing when it causes divisions between families and close friends - and none of us do want to be unkind to, or about, vulnerable young people who are in confusion and hurt and adopting new identities. Quite a few years ago I remember talking to a parent who described how tough it was to completely change the language he used for his child - he was confused and sad.

On a lighter note my DD and I adopted new names - I'm now Henry (should I say Henri Boule-de-n?) and she's Trevor.

I absolutely agree, and I don't, even though it's my daughter.
It's far too important.

My daughter is ten and knows far more than I'd like her to, at her age. She's completely TWAW, not least because she has a "trans girl" friend. I've tried explaining unfairness in sport, as an example, but she just goes off that it's so unfair that Polly won't be allowed to play with the girls next year.

It's mixed sex at the moment.

She's joined the LGBTQ allies club and insists that transphobia is far worse than racism, despite Polly being popular and never having been bullied. My daughter, on the other hand, has been on the receiving end of several pieces of racist bullying.

I can only be patient, I'm not willing to discuss sex offenders with her just yet.

@TrishTrix
”I have a senior role at work but recently experienced everyone ignoring a point I made , only to have the same point championed when made by a man. Fortunately the committee chair is an ally and reminded everyone that I'd just said the same thing. Bravo to him. Grr to the rest of the fuckers.”

I read that this is classic. I hope it doesn’t often happen to you at work.
Hurray for the committee chair, though! ❤️

Sadly, in the experiences of one of my DD and her friends, it was only when they felt threatened or actually assaulted in so called "safe spaces" that they caught on to what me and their mothers were saying.

DD's best friend had a man attempt to access her in a changing room when swimming, they were both very much "trans women are women" which changed when she saw a man with an erection, in a womans swimming costume, trying to get to her.

Its horrible that it will take these sort of experiences for them to realise.

I think what I mean is perfectly encapsulated by opposition to the trans conversion ban. However you phrase it to start, many people will just see you as a bigot, and I don't even mean TRAs. You can feel really beleaguered being called uncaring.

But once you break thru the illogic of it all, and people "get" it, your attitude is justified.

There are so many things in the world that need energy and attention and solutions. One of the biggest developing hates I have is how so much time and wasted emotions have been expended on likely the biggest own goal the West has ever scored.

My DS 21 is at uni and thinks gender woo is a load of rubbish and my DD 14 and all of her friends think it's stupid and for the weird kids.

An LBGTQ blah blah club for 10yr olds?
All the nope, I'd be putting a stop to that immediately.

excellent! I’ve just started talking to my 11yo DD about it, so I can get in ahead of whatever they’re going to be taught at school.

TastesLikeStrawberriesOnASummerEvening

I don't want to alienate and anger her at this stage. I'm just trying to drop hints and inform her simply about some of the issues.

My teenage daughter is a total TERF and has been to feminist events with me in the past. She really appreciates the wisdom and experience of my older, often lesbian, feminist friends. Younger daughter not long started year 7 and has no patience for the school’s genderwoo or for the male teachers who lecture them about skirt length and ‘giving boys the wrong idea’🙄

It helps that their brother has an enviable head of curls down to his bum and they have no truck with gendered stereotypes. Plus we live in farming country in the north, where any such utterances of “Mum I think I’m trans” would be met with a snort of derision and a “Don’t be so bloody ridiculous, you can’t change sex.”

I think there’s a lot to be said for taking the piss and refusing to indulge this nonsense. Also, given it is the teachers pushing the ideology in schools, surely the kids with even the slightest hint of mild, healthy rebelliousness won’t have any truck with it?

She's 10, that is not an age appropriate group, even if she was full on TERF.

The issue is the school running an LGB etc allies club. It's a form of social grooming - putting children in a position where they can never establish boundaries, stand up for their rights to single sex spaces when undressing, sport etc because they've signed up before they are emotionally / intellectually able to understand adult sexuality.
Why does a primary school have any club focused around sexuality? That's what parents need to challenge. Schools that breach their legal duty to be politically impartial and who dabble in age inappropriate issues relating to sexuality need challenging,

Exactly, I'm really shocked by it.

It's really depressing that switched on parents have to start discussing these issues with their children much earlier than they might have wished to, and earlier than their children might be developmentally ready for, if they want to avoid schools getting in there first with a load of damaging nonsense about gender identity and being kind.

Ten year olds shouldn't need to think about this stuff. They should just be focusing on being ten years old.

At this point, even the most out of touch politician would know of the lack of transparency re gender teaching in schools, including these schemes of indoctrination like LBBTQ clubs for under-11s.

The very least Sunak could have done is compelled schools to publish their materials. Yes, it would have been a struggle, especially with TRA Edu Sec Keegan known to absolutely be obstructive here, but a worthy struggle. So many parents would have thanked him, and on a purely selfish political note, it would have put clear blue sky between him and Starmer, and likely Starmer would have quickly UTurned to support this policy.

But no, Sunak is happy going for the instant gratification of taking on the SNP over Self ID or soundbyting "a man is a man, a woman is a woman" etc, but to actually extend this as principled attitudes to stuff like opening up transparency in schools, he's either not interested, too scared of his TRA wing, or hasn't the heart for a fight...or worse still, has no principles here at all.

For me, the layers of cognitive dissonance on my feelings on politics and politicians is mounting. Am I really going to be obligated to vote for my local Tory MP, the former PM who was beaten by a lettuce, a GC for sure, representing a party that, yes, hasn't pushed for Self ID like Labour were planning to just 9 months ago, that has no principled policy on a trans conversion ban, and won't even give parents the benefit of gender teaching transparency. Just because they're not Labour?

How can such an area of public life be so badly served by our politicians, from both parties?

Absolutely. Far too many primary schools have unthinkingly adopted all this nonsense and failed to engage any critical thinking about safeguarding, age inappropriateness, impartiality & the law. A few young activist teachers throwing around "bigot" & "transphobe" and the rest of the staff silenced.

All magnified by the repeated silence from the government & with Ofsted unforgivably having been Stonewall champions (until the grim reality of this was revealed) and they've now backed away (silently). But of course, they daren't challenge this in schools because it raises the question of how they got captured by this anti child safeguarding ideology in the 1st place and why they've been missing in action for so long while trans activists have run amok in schools.

Re : being ‘kind’….it isn’t really kind to go along with the transitioning process though. If you saw a child about to step off the curb in front of a truck, you would knock them out of the way, even if it meant showing up their inability to cross the road safely . Nodding along as anyone takes even the first steps towards ruining their physiology or mutilating their body, is the same as just standing back from the roadside, to me.

The “negative experience” openeing your eyes experience its pretty common across the board unfortunately. I can’t think of several people who were adamantly not feminists (even though they were in reality) until they were pregnant and unwell or had 2 toddlers at home and no access to income or retiring and were short of NI contributions. Intelligent educated politically aware women hadn’t realised they were standing on the shoulders of giants.

My DD is 14 and TERF, as are many of her friends including her friend who is lesbian.

This is a recent change and came around mainly due to biological men in women’s sport.

The visuals are quite compelling.

I just want to say how nice it is to hear the word TERF in such positive terms. The TRAs meant it as a slur but instead we’ve embraced it. Isn’t that what happened with the word “queer”? Sauce, goose, gander.

interesting you want to advertise your failed parenting. Hope your younger sees sense and kindness

Here we go...

I’d be singing TERFy lullabies to my newborn if I had one.