There has been quite a lot of in the past year how women are now choosing to stay single and they rather be alone. Are you actually seeing this in real life?

[ThisWillBeMyDay]

Also there is big talk how women won’t date just any man, women have standards and no woman now NEEDS a man.
I’m not really sure why they push these articles, often times they are total hyperbole too (apperently in 2030, 45% of women aged 25-44 are unmarried and childless. Like not being married and not having kids in your 20’s is even worth saying - nevermind a headline!)

To be clear, I support all of this. Being or staying long term, or whole life, single. Being childfree.
I personally am single and don’t want kids. So definitely not saying anything bad about these news and studies and what-not. I’m just not seeing it in real life.

That being said, I don’t really see this in the real world. Most women still want boyfriends/husbands. So many put with shit (biggest is porn watching, honestly can’t understand how any woman can stay and love a man like this) I could never.

And I’ve been looking for women to be friends with, who have something else than men in mind, they are HARD to find, impossible.
I don’t know one women who isin’t/doesn’t want a relationship and don’t do hook-up’s (sorry, but these women are often times worse than women in relationships, men take so much of their mental space).

Anyway, that was my linger than intented rant.
My question and point was: have you personally seen these ’women are walking away from men’ thing happening?

The fact that almost half of all women are not having children is a societal disaster

In fairness I don't think it is almost half. The majority of women in their 20s are not having children but there's a substantial peak in the 30 age group. The bigger issue(?) In the UK is that women are having less children (later) rather than less women having children. Other countries (eg China) have a significant amount of women who never want children and the ones that do don't want more than one. So they are a bit fucked.

I'm one ,late 40s grown up kids that I brought up by myself . Good career lots to do , love the freedom would never live with a partner again .

Just don't see the point , why would I there's nothing missing in my life .I am positively single

I just realised I hadn't answered the actual question I am mid-thirties and was one of the very first in my extended friendship group to have children (at 26). Now at 35 everyone is suddenly having babies.

Yes. It's one of the issues which comes up again and again and again in the popular press, though usually as one of the scare-women-into-doing-something, such as in the 1990s when women were told that they are more likely to die in a terrorist attack after some age (think it was forty) than find a husband. It was something like that.

A very very popular evergreen topic. The other evergreen one is how bad it is for women to get a university degree. That has cropped up from the Victorian era on, when some women actually were able to get those degrees for the first time.

The point is not if the concerns are true or false, but the repeating nature of this, because it is driven by something else than actual data. And I'd be really interested in learning about the numbers of men who don't have children, too, but for some reason this is not an interesting topic to discuss.

I'm single not through choice, but most people would think I am single by choice. I've not had luck meeting men. I've not met anybody via OLD. Men my own age have the choice to date women 20 years younger.

I don't think my standards are unreasonably high. I don't want to be treated badly but right now I would probably date anyone with a pulse. I haven't met anyone at all in well over 10 years of trying, more like 15, and I imagine I am quite unlikely to do so now. People do tend to say to me they could never do the things alone that I do but I have to do everything alone because there is nobody for me to do things with. Friends think I don't want a man because I go cycling alone. I think I would be viewed as one of these women you refer to who are choosing to be single but in reality I'm not young or attractive enough to find a man under the age of 75.
I don't want to marry, live together, or combine finances. I would very much like some sort of boyfriend and that feels like some sort of impossible dream. I would stand more chance of becoming prime minister.

Right about outskirt (I believe that’s the word) of the city.
In my mid 30’s and in a nordic country, birth rates have been down for many years, most people aren’t religious, there isin’t a huge family pressure (from family and/or to have a family), there has been also a lot of news in the past years of how many people live alone.
And yet, I still don’t know anyone else (not that anyone has to be, this topic just is close to me because I’d like to find likeminded people) who is long term single without kids.

It is a puzzle to me how what I read and hear in the news and what I see IRL, do not match.

Most of us have dated but really found that men of our are either looking for younger women, want a replacement housewife or just after sex.

I think this is a huge part of it. The single women I know are fit, look after themselves, have careers, hobbies, friends, lives. They travel, they're great companions and are effective. Their homes are clean and pleasant. They aren't addicted to any substances or porn.

The single men I know are often not in the same league by a very large margin. Which means women are expected to 'settle' in a way men aren't. And they don't want to. If they could meet their equivalent, they'd definitely be in the market. But they can't.

I don't think the issue is women, I think it's men. The only way the whole system works is if women are conned into thinking the only important thing in their lives is a man. We've stopped selling that nonsense to our girls but men haven't caught up yet. Well, some men. My DH talks to his single friends who moan about being single and says, "earn some money, get down the gym, sort your shit out" but they don't. They want an uncomplaining supermodel to drop from the sky on them.

So sorry to read this!

I also find it really annoying when people say 'I could never do what you do' when you're only doing it as circumstances force you to!

Ps @Floatylinenrag have you considered dating a younger man?

I would consider dating a younger man but again no interest from them. The only men I have been attracted to of late have been 10 yrs younger.

I agree OP. I'm late 40s and nearly everyone I know is married with kids. I do know a few divorced people, but all but one of them are now with a new partner.

Totally agree. My friendship circle of 50 something ladies are all attractive, have their own homes, jobs, kids flown the nest. We are very sociable, outgoing and confident. We’re well presented and bring a lot to the table.

We aren’t the MN 6 figure salary supermodels who run marathons for fun but we are all good honest women with a lot to offer.

But the men we encounter are just not on the same level. There are a lot of very mediocre men who think they’re the local Brad Pitt. Even at our age we get dick pics, men wanting to talk about nothing but sex from the start or can’t string more than 3 words together. Honestly the way sone men think it’s acceptable to speak to us is laughable and then they are shocked we don’t want to take up their - usually very graphic - offers.

Maybe b cause we’re older and been there done that, we really would rather stay single and have a great social circle rather than settle for a half arsed man.

You are correct, the balance has shifted and men haven’t caught up yet.

such as in the 1990s when women were told that they are more likely to die in a terrorist attack after some age (think it was forty) than find a husband.

This is so absurd it’s made me laugh! It sounds like something Joan and Jericha would say.

There has been quite a lot of in the past year how women are now choosing to stay single and they rather be alone. Are you actually seeing this in real life?

I'm living it!

Yeah I’m seeing it! I have lots of friends who are single. Late 30s and women seem more ready to commit to themselves than to men (I’m one of them). Did over 10 years married and miss it sometimes but I have a lover, and friends, and family, a job I love…nothing’s missing. I’d have had more children but realistically that ship has sailed and I’ve made my peace with it.

What do you think the reason for these headlines is then?

I was thinking today how, in my office, one woman is married with no kids by choice, one is married with no kids as her DH doesn’t want them and I think there’s some control there, another woman is single as she cares for her parents, and another in her 20’s has never had a female/female relationship but wants one. The rest are married with kids.

If many posters on mumsnet were to be believed, you would think that four out of five women in this country are single - and they are deliriously happy with it of course! Earn 100K a year in their big important professional job, and are living in a beautiful, elegant, three bedroom apartment in the city, and have a massive group of friends who are all highly educated and on fantastic salaries. And they have a different man every week for a shag. But won't settle down with them because no man is good enough for them.

In reality, single life for the majority of women (I'd say 26+) is actually quite difficult... Especially if they live alone. They don't have that many friends as many of their friends are coupled up. They don't earn a massive amount of money and they struggle badly financially. Most will not buy a house. A few will. Most won't, as they will never afford it. I know a number of single women who fight for more hours at work, to make ends meet. They have zero social life as they can't afford it. They are pretty miserable.

Up into I got ill I had the big job, with friends on similar salaries and a different man every night of the week, never mind every week! And like hell would I have wanted to settle down with any of them

And you'd be surprised how many women out there are actually single, there's about 15 of us in my road alone. some of them earn decent amounts of money, some of them don't. Most of them appear to have Fairly healthy social lives. a lot of us have even, gasps, bought our own houses! 😮. They all seen much happier than the women with husbands, wives or partners.

I know quite a few single childless women. Some are very career oriented (architects, doctors etc) all mid 30’s+ we don’t really talk about it but yeah I think most of them want a relationship and would have liked kids but never met anyone to do it with. They all have fulfilling lives and lots of friends yet when it comes up you do sense a feeling of sadness over it.

However women who are actually married with kids have basically said they probably wouldn’t bother with another man. Happily married etc but I think the demands of family just wring it out of women. Perhaps also whether they are conscious of it or not even before the kids come along they are doing more work to keep their households ticking over. I love my family dearly but i’m tired and wouldn’t bother with another man after DH.

Increasingly I think men may just be a bit shit tbh.

I want to live where all you who have groups of single friends live! I've got a few single friends but all dotted about - I love being single, the only disadvantage is it would occasionally be nice to have a specific person to do 'things' with rather than try and slot in with friends with families/go alone. If all or even most of my friends were single as well, life would be perfect!

@SweetBirdsong hmm not sure about everything you've said, although you're right that people do extrapolate a lot from limited/biased information.
Me, and all the single friends I do have (all aged between 30-40) all own our own homes for one thing and while not having as much spare cash as people in relationships (so dual incomes) without kids, it's those with kids that are struggling the most, mainly because most are in that ruinous early childcare stage, and even with 2 incomes, its rare both are working full time. My friend's weekly nursery bill is more than my monthly mortgage!

Also 'while obviously there will be individual examples of happy singles, happy married, miserably married, miserable singles and everything in-between there have been quite a few different studies that all found overall that single women are the happiest, and married men!

I’m not seeing this either. Sad to say, a lot (not all) of my friends are in relationships that they shouldn’t/don’t want to be in for fear of being on their own. I know very few women with high worth or standards.

I'm 31, single and no children. My last serious relationship ended at 28 after (his) infidelity and I've had short relationships since. Let's also not forget most of us lost time to covid.

From the ages of 14-28 I was always in a relationship. But since being single my mental health and happiness has increased and my career has taken off. I'm honestly content.

I occasionally meet nice enough men who express interest, but none who spark interest enough to want s relationship with them. Maybe I'll meet someone like that again.

Also few people my age I knew at uni or school etc have children or married, but it seems to be more common towards 33-35 or so.

👋 I'm one late forties, DC and single for about 6/7 years.
All my group of friends are married with children and they have asked if I am interested in dating/tinder whatever and the answer is a definite no. I know I would end up doing all the things for them that I do for the dc and I CBA for that to happen and have my space invaded and be pestered and sulked at.
The only time I think 'hmmm' is when some of my friends plus their husbands go out socially and I'm not invited and no it's not because I am stunningly gorgeous and they worry for their husbands 😂

I've been single for 11 years now (I'm 43) and I can't imagine the thought of sharing my home and life with another man ever again.

Obviously I'm not wishing my children away but if I had my time again, I wouldn't marry.

DD is only 17, so very young to have "decided", but she is adamant that she never wants to be married or have children. She's had one brief boyfriend and she hated it - not the person but the lack of space, the messages, the physical touch, the expectations.

It's interesting. If my DH disappeared tomorrow I think I would probably call it a day with relationships (aged 60, fully financially self-sufficient, one teenaged DC with special needs). But I have a friend who is 62, recently divorced, adult children, and she has been on OLD and recently met someone who seems very nice.