Ways to lessen the risk of rape

[ArabeIIaScott]

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/789f07e8-49aa-11ee-ae7e-1fff6c8e0528?shareToken=0d97e81f86763060709b5a5106cc7a9b

The idea that any form of precautionary behaviour from women is akin to 'victim blaming' seems like madness to me. A very sensible column from K Stock.

'Someone needs to tell young women what sort of world they live in and how best to defend themselves accordingly — imperfect certainly, but still better than nothing. Contrary to popular belief, this isn’t always the same thing as telling women that if they don’t listen to sensible advice, they have no right to complain about whatever happens next.'

Another detail that I'd never considered is how insulting it is to suggest that it's mothers' responsibility to 'teach sons not to rape'.

It feels to me like it aims to give women a bit of power, a bit of control. If I think I'm aware there is a danger but I'm doing things to help protect myself, I'm being proactive and building confidence. It's not victim blaming to be sensible but why should we have to? Why do we have to live with this shadow forever hanging over us?

And what happens when we do all that and still get assaulted? We blame ourselves, and society blames us for trying, but not doing enough.

But I don't think there is anything we can actually do to protect ourselves from men. Men rape babies, women wearing burkas, women drunk in dark alleyways and women sleeping beside them in bed.

Maybe what is needed is far more specificity.

I guess an awareness of the scale of the problem would be a start.

There is still an idea somehow that rape is rare; in fact I'd say the inverse is true. From CSA to harassment to stranger rape to spiking to IPV. Its so fucking ubiquitous and I'm so fucking sick of it.

Great point

And I am truly sorry I'd this thread upsets anyone. How do we sort it? What can be done?

'Teach men not to rape' sounds great but how the hell does one do that? It has the desperate ring to it of something like 'Teach murderers that murdering is wrong'.

What are the character traits do you warn about? How do you know someone is a rapist before they rape you?

How else can you avoid being vulnerable apart form not getting drunk with "randoms"? Can you get drunk with people you know? Should you go out alone? Can you walk home late at night sober?

What martial arts do you recommend? Even with martial arts training, do you feel the average female could physically overpower or even evade the average male?

Argh "but some rapes" FFS. Really??? Unable to fight a man off??? You can do that sober can you? Are women going out and "deliberately" making themselves vulnerable or are they just going out?

Also don't be naive and go back to someone's home on the night you've just met them. But you can go back to someone's house if you know them and they won't rape you right?

THIS is why women are blamed for being raped. Can you not see that. Women and girls cannot protect themselves from sexual violence. It can be anyone, anywhere, doing anything and this "advice" perpetuates blame and shame.

How do we sort it? What can be done?

More persecution and convictions which would need some political clout behind and better street design - though I've seen same said about road traffic accidents and deaths as better street design there could be huge they've done a lot on it in Netherlands so we already know what works - but no one willing to invest in that in UK.

Take that app I was so frustrate about either deigned by a car driver or by a full grown male ie fit healthy - very possibly both so they never thought some routes are unsuitable and there may even be some political pressure not to admit that as then can point to oh it is accessible by public transport when in reality it's just not.

This thread is rife with victim blaming and it shows contempt for women who have been raped.

@ISpyNoPlumPie I wouldn’t advise a woman (sober or otherwise) to walk around by herself late at night. Some martial arts are very helpful for fighting off a stronger opponent, but obviously they don’t make you invincible, especially if your attacker also knows how to fight or has a weapon. They are good against an opportunist and also help you learn to fight or flee instead of freezing.

Character traits I am wary of include selfishness, lack of empathy and aggression. I am wary of any man unless I’ve had an opportunity to judge the above. Girls are particularly vulnerable when they are young, so extra precautions are needed for a teenager going out alone. And obviously stuff like not getting drunk, protecting your drink etc.

For some people this attitude would seem paranoid or unfair, but I like to feel I’m dealing in reality. I have been assaulted and I felt weak and afraid for years until I started taking the power back.

The trouble with this for me is that it's a small slip from doing something to keep you safe, to well you didn't do this/that/other and therefore it's your own fault.

Yes, it is sensible to keep ourselves safe - not drink legless etc. BUT if a girl is drunk legless this is NOT an excuse to rape.

And it's all very well us women saying this isn't an excuse - but men are very quick to disagree. The rapists, the police, the CPS and the judge/jury.

They are good against an opportunist and also help you learn to fight or flee instead of freezing.
Female Martial arts instructors have been raped. Many men are simply stronger. And for those whose drinks are spiked, and unable to fight , or those who freeze in fear, should they be blaming themselves?

I was sexually assaulted at work dress in jeans and a jumper. My ex husband raped me, he was absolutely wonderful up to the point I was pregnant with our 2nd. None of the advice given here could have saved me.

The problem is advice like @Bananaanaana is placing the blame back on me, why did I marry a rapist?

Hands up all who do not "take precautions" such as

• walking with keys in hand
• parking under a light
• parking as close to your venue as possible
• checking the back seat before you get in
• not walking through dark parks or streets if possible
• asking for a lift from the station rather than walking even though it is a short and nice walk
• crossing the road when you see a man up ahead at night
• ducking into somewhere with people when you think you might be being followed
• many other things.

@Ifallelsefailschocolate Yes if you read my post you’ll clearly see that I said “they don’t make you invincible”. And no, they shouldn’t be blaming themselves. The rapist is to blame.

I’d like to read a similar article written by a MAN talking to fellow MEN. This would be a starting point.

All the “stranger danger / cover your drink up in the pub” advice is of minimal help if most victims already know their rapist when the rape takes place.

A plain-speaking public service campaign with some stark statistics on how many victims know their attackers/conviction rates etc during prime time TV / all over Facebook would get people thinking and talking. It would make most men feel very ashamed and all women more confident about speaking out and going to the police if necessary.

@BaronessEllarawrosaurus It’s not blaming you. It’s saying that maybe if we try and judge character we can prevent some assaults, not that it is possible to prevent all of them. Of course it isn’t, some men seem nice and then aren’t. Sometimes we’re not capable of judging character for whatever reason.

I have reported the post from CassiniG.

Women spend enough time blaming themselves for being raped, they really don't need this.

To all the survivors: IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT

but I remain unconvinced about clothing being part of it.
I agree - My friend's 80 year old mother was raped in an alley in broad daylight, she was wearing her best crochet hat and long knitted cardigan.
Another friend was raped at home, in her pjamas, asleep in bed, by a man who climbed in her bedroom window.

I do all these things but have been sexually assaulted in broad daylight in a public place, and by a very trusted friend when drunk in a “nice” comfortable home. Other things, too. My clothes were totally bloody irrelevant to what happened to me.

I think it would be useful to know exactly what makes you more likely to be raped. Other than being a woman, leaving the house alone or being in the house alone with someone you know. Because I don't think how you dress makes any difference and while drinking to excess makes you vulnerable in all sorts of ways I'd be interested in knowing how many rape victims are drunk Vs rapists at the time of the rape.

So much easier to treat rape as something that happens to you rather than something that somebody else does though eh.

So it’s up to us to “judge character”? What if the man who assaults you is a trusted friend?

How many years do you advise women spend “judging character” before deeming a man trustworthy?

Women need to learn the hows and whys of rape. We need clear information. Not instruction, but information.

@Bananaanaana The more I read your post, the more I see how naive you are.

There was a public service advert recently in London by TFL... it goes MAAATE

That's it. Apparently that's all that's needed to solve VAWG.
Or maybe that is all that bad men will tolerate from the good men who stay quiet.