Concerned teacher - 8yo 'trans' child

[EtherealAurora]

NC for this.

A family recently moved to my school. There is a 9yo girl and her 'brother', an 8yo 'boy' who is actually a girl. Staff are to call the 'boy' David (obvs not real name) and use pronouns he/him etc. Children in the class are NOT to be told this is a girl.

Currently, children use mixed sex toilets. However, from September, the class will be split to change for PE into girls and boys.

I am not comfortable with a girl changing in a room full of boys. I think if I suggest they change in another space (eg toilets) this would cause questions to be asked by other children in the class, potentially 'outing' the child. What would be a sensible suggestion for me to make to SLT in this instance?

There are some very good answers on here, @EtherealAurora , including @HagoftheNorth above as a great summary.

One item to add - I don't think you mentioned if you are in a union. This may be helpful for you to consider joining - especially as you mentioned earlier that you are worried about speaking about on this topic. You should feel that you can speak out at work, appropriately, without fear of losing your job - could be that a union would support you with this feeling.

Not read the whole thread, but if you start with this lie what happens in year 6 when you go on a residential trip? Is “David” going to share a bedroom with boys? How on Earth is that compatible with safeguarding practice?

Hahaha unlikley a teaching union would support this. But maybe free speech union. Obviously stay in teachers too.

Absolutely! The NEU or NASUWT would happily hang you out to try on this. I am in the NEU for general school stuff but also in the Free Speech Union in case anyone complains about me at school. I know the NEU would NOT have my back as I'm an evil TERF as far as they're concerned.

to dry - obviously

I'm baffled why this is being kept a secret. Surely a move to a new school was the opportunity to be out and proud? Much more chance for David to be accepted by eight year old boys as potentially one of them, than further down the line when any gossip/bullying is likely to be much more savage. Or is the idea that by the time David's new mates realise, they'll rally round and protect David? Let's hope they don't resent being lied to. I have two eight year old grandsons; I'm just trying to imagine how they would react in this situation.

Poor child.

The children will know which add this kid is. Children aren’t that unobservant.

I'm baffled why this is being kept a secret. Surely a move to a new school was the opportunity to be out and proud?

This is one of the contradictions of transgender ideology isn't it? They want us to be accepting of trans people, but at the same time they want to keep it a secret whether some people are trans or not. How can we be accepting of trans people if we don't know they're trans or are being lied to and told that they're not trans?

But then you think about how being open about David's sex would work in practice.

'This is David. She's a girl who wants to be a boy.' Then you get all the difficult questions from the children. Why does David want to be a boy? (Stereotypes, obviously at this age.) Can people change sex?

What about instead just introducing her as a girl who likes to be called David and wear the boys' uniform? The school would also have to accept that other girls could wear the boys' uniform and boys could choose the girls'.

Taking this approach (lying) undermines authority apart from anything else. If teachers are willing to lie on such a basic point of fact, why on earth should the children believe them about anything else?

You need to ask SLT how this will be managed in the future.

All the adults involved in this and one child are keeping a secret that at some point will attract attention. Obviously each child’s private business should be kept confidential but (again) once puberty hits, swimming lessons start, residentials are planned there’s more and more problems to fix.

say David goes on a residential in y6. Maybe David is still passing as a boy, but this is harder to do as they mature. As far as I can see the options are

David doesn’t attend the residential at parents request. Maybe David will be happy with this.
David attends but is given a private room. This will almost certainly focus attention on David from the other children and potentially from parents.
David shares with the boys. How well will a y6 girl pass in this situation and what stresses are causes keeping up the pretence?
David shares with the girls- which seems pretty left field a solution of everyone is under the impression David is a boy.

Tbh I suspect most of this is moot as either David or the sibling will disclose their identity at some point anyway, or the other kids will work it out for themselves.

Of course SLT may not feel it appropriate to discuss with you if you are not the child’s teacher.

I’m quoting you as you’ve said things I’m trying to work out how to say.

Every single child will know "David" is actually a girl don't worry.

Absolutely

Absolutely. One of the biggest problems, societally, is that when people hear politicians or those in authority come out with nonsense like this then trust is undermined.

It's corrosive.

I don’t think this is true, not at that age, but yes, even if the “secret” somehow manages not to get out, David’s sex will become glaringly obvious in a year or two. Isn’t having/keeping secrets considered bad practice anyway?

David's parents should have read the Famous Five books to their daughters, but I suspect Enid Blyton was persona non grata in their house.

I understand that a child being asked to keep a secret by an adult is a safeguarding 🚩

If children realise that the adults who are supposed to look out for their best interests are lying to them, where do the children turn when they need help, support, advice, feel afraid? How do they trust other adults as they move through life?

The sad fact is that there will be other children in your school who are struggling silently. Children who suffer SA, trauma, chaotic backgrounds. They may see school as the only stable place with trusted adults around.

Lying to them openly is going to crush their trust completely, and they won’t have a voice or be a point of discussion about their interests. That’s why safeguarding exists. I would be asking about the kids this decision affects who don’t have a voice, or parents expecting special provisions.

This is so awful. Awful for the teachers, children, and especially "David". There are a few "tomboys" in my dds class. Girls who wear shorts and trousers instead of dresses and pinafores, have short hair styles, and mainly play with the boys, but they are still girls, and there's never been any question about that. Who knows if they may grow up to be trans, homosexual, hetrosexual, or whatever they wish, but at the tender age of 8, having their whole identity changed, is going to be bloody hard to revert when for so long, they've been allowed and led to believe they're something that they absolutely biologically are not. The parents have truly done this child a massive disservice, and changing schools midway through primary, makes me think they've done this to make their child appear male to their peers with no questions asked, as these kids haven't known David, pre-David. It's extremely short sighted as in a couple of years it's going to be blindingly obvious who is biologically male and female, which will be so confusing for the other kids, and such an awful situation to put the teachers in. David is likely to suffer being "ostracised" for misleading and lying to their peers, and will have missed the opportunity to form bonds with other children who truly except them for who they are. I don't know what you can do here op, but I'd start with demanding answers as to how this shit show is going to play out when questions (inevitably) start getting asked, and how on earth the teachers are going to comply to the rules, when this child's sex has been kept a secret from other pupils and parents. No "we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it", as when put on the spot, you and your colleagues need to know exactly what to say, and how to word things to cause minimum damage to all involved. How did they ever think this would end well and just be okay? So bloody short sighted.

I completely agree. I do not want to collude in this. I see it as a huge breach of trust to those in my care.

Thanks @HagoftheNorth that is a good list for me to put to the head. My plan is to put my thoughts together and approach them this week. Hopefully then they have the summer break to think it through and put plans in place for next year.

As someone mentioned, I am not the child's teacher so my input may not be welcomed. There are some great general points around single sex spaces so I can use that angle.

Good luck OP. Are you in touch with Safe Schools Alliance? I'd recommend ommend contacting them directly about your situation. I think they're taking a break for the summer, but they will be a useful ally in this.

Sorry I’ve not RTFT and this has probably been shared already but just in case, useful and very relevant article :

https://www.transgendertrend.com/childhood-social-transition/

Kids aren't stupid. They'll know within days it weeks about "the secret"

Maybe, but not necessarily because they’ll know by looking that David is a girl. Boys and girls look much the same at that age. Puberty will make it obvious, of course.