This is a great post in a really interesting discussion, thank you.
It always clangs for me though when thinking about it as a value. If it was a universal value - everyone's feelings define reality and everyone's feelings should be equally respected and accounted for - I'd mind far, far less.
But it isn't that at all. It's merely pretending to be.
What it is in fact, is an attempt to force on society that SOME special people's feelings define everyone else's reality, whether or not they consent, with consequences for having a reality or will or thoughts of your own, or inconvenient feelings. It creates a two tier society, of the 'do exactly what pleases me or it'll be God help you' people and the rest who get to live with 'shut your mouth and serve or I'll call the police'. The served and the servants.
This is not a value, it's just, like all the rest of it, 'kind', 'inclusion' all the other appropriated pretty figleaf marketing words, intended to fool well intentioned, non disordered, trusting people who care about others, into belief that there is a fair and justified social contract to participate in.
In actual fact, what this group are aiming to recreate is pretty much old history of massive social inequality, just with them as the ones with all the power to enjoy abusing. Except it isn't really that well thought through. It's about wanting power and control - detransitioners talk about this a lot. It's about not wanting to have to follow social or behavioural standards and responsibilities for others to do what they say in providing services including sex. It's about incontinence of every kind and silencing anyone from saying 'no' or resisting while being abused.
It's like the 'everyone chooses their own words and everyone else should respect their choice of identity' - except you old bags who are cis, shut up and serve.
'Everyone should use the spaces in which they are comfortable and untraumatised and free to be themselves safely' - except you old bags, reframe your trauma and get on with undressing in front of this male who doesn't want his props answering back.
It's nothing social or cultural or value based. It's what happens when a nice society loses all track of boundaries and indulges people with no social responsibility or capacity for empathy, compassion, any thought of anything but themselves and their own wants and needs. There is no answer to it but powerful boundaries. No one normally functional wants to see anyone else harmed, unhappy, without access or equality - women want this for everyone. The TQ+ lobby is functioning on people who do want to see others harmed, unhappy, without access, without equality, who are actively violent and without the capacity to manage their emotions or behaviours, and like children, cannot cope with 'fair'. They have to 'win' by seeing that others have lost and are hurting. It is not enough to meet their own needs, the harming of women's equality and enjoying their protests and resistance is a part of it.
This is a complex game that should never have been allowed to roll this far. Again: massive safeguarding fail on every level. Society is going to have to learn how to be nice and caring and inclusive, while having the strong boundaries that are necessary with someone not psychologically capable of reciprocation or appropriacy or consideration for others. We tend to get that around here because of the relationships board. LC, NC, managing abusive exes, we've got all these t shirts.