Adam Kay

[AsTreesWalking]

Anyone hear Desert Island Discs this morning? He's quite an interesting fellow, who resigned as a doctor in obstetrics because he couldn't bear his grief over deaths of babies and mothers.
Imagine my surprise-disbelief- to hear that he and his husband have 2 babies under a year old from 2 surrogate mothers. And he actually said that he hopes the children will forgive any mistakes they will make...

I read This is Going to Hurt and found it a bit 'off'. I felt there was a lack of respect for the birthing women who were his patients. The surrogate thing stacks up

This was one of those surprised but not surprised moments.
The way he dehumanises mothers in his book it is no surprise he is prepared to commodify women and babies. He absolutely disgusts me.

he couldn't bear his grief over deaths of babies and mothers

I wonder how he thinks the mothers felt.

Horrible man. He doesn't like women at all.

I wonder how he thinks the mothers felt*

The mothers who lost their babies, I meant.

I wonder how he thinks the babies felt.
Imagine choosing to begin your child’s life with such trauma.

He isn't the first or last gay man to use a surrogate. Perhaps, fostering or adoption would have been problematic due to his past mental health issues/eating disorder, we don't know.
If this thread is about surrogacy full-stop, fair enough, but singling out a gay couple for using a surrogate - what's the public interest?
As for the "making mistakes" comment, why are you criticising him for that? All new parents with any common sense know they will make mistakes but hope that unconditional love will make up for it.

I find him insufferable - and his assertions he left medicine because of grief is a cover story, he couldn't hack it, wasn't actually very good at the job and is a blatant misogenist.
I will not be listening and i usually love DiD

I’m not interested in whether he’s gay or not. Gay men are perfectly capable of bringing up children. What is wrong is commercial surrogacy.

I understood that he resigned because he was told that statistically all ob-gynaes regardless of ability would lose a baby/mother or both every five years. Having been through that twice in a decade, he realised he was not cut out for the trauma of not being able to save them. I don't blame him for that either.
I have blamed him in the past for gallows humour/apocryphal anecdotes/disablist lyrics and potential harm wrt the tattooed patient. His resignation, however, I can completely understand. His use of two surrogates I find problematic but can understand why he has, if his partner and him wanted children and adoption was not possible.

If I heard right, he knew he was gay, he was out to certain people, and decided to marry a woman for some reason. The marriage failed.

It was one of those unusual Desert Island Discs programmes where your opinion of the guest went lower and lower the longer it went on.

I’m not interested in whether he’s gay or not. Gay men are perfectly capable of bringing up children. What is wrong is commercial surrogacy.

Exactly. My point in starting the thread was my disgust at a doctor of obstetrics (or snyone) buying two babies and depriving them of their mothers.

I did enjoy the books, didn't think that the gallows humour was particularly awful, it's just normal for places like hospitals. I can't get my head around someone that actually saw a women bleed to death in childbirth putting a woman through that risk unecesserily.

@WhatNoRaisins I can't get my head around someone that actually saw a women bleed to death in childbirth putting a woman through that risk unnecessarily.

I too was really shocked when he mentioned surrogacy as was convinced he must have adopted after the trauma he’d suffered as a Dr. I’d love him to have explained the mystifying decision to put two women through childbirth, so he could have a baby.

Threads on Elon Musk - straight, pro free speech, realistic about gender ID and anti-paedo - usually also criticise his use of a surrogate.

Being gay doesn't negate the trauma inflicted on the baby or the inherent misogyny of purchasing a woman's body.

Accusations of homophobia and transphobia are just current ways to get women to stfu about their rights. And they work precisely because our rights are so precarious.

I seem to remember him being sneery and superior about women when that came out.

So how do gay men become fathers then OP?
There are only a few options that I can see. Fostering/adoption/sister of one using the other's sperm - so surrogacy but without money changing hands/female friend offering the same/shared custody with a lesbian couple using their sperm.
Perhaps none of those were possible.
I think it's fair to say you don't agree with commercial surrogacy for anyone, full-stop. Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Priyanka Chopra, Lucy Liu, Rebel Wilson, Sarah Jessica Parker, Nicole Kidman, Amber Heard and Tyra Banks could all have a similar thread started about them then?
I am not sure that his previous job and knowledge of the risks should stop him wanting to become a father, especially since he had experienced the loss of a child with his ex-wife. Unless you see it is a sense of entitlement from him and also from the nine women mentioned above.

I’m surprised to read that. I got the impression from This is Going to Hurt that he never wanted children of his own.

Man who has seen first hand the dangers of pregnancy and childbirth for women pays to have a woman/women risk those dangers because he wants babies. No thought for the child either, just I want, I must get Selfish, immoral and unethical man.

Surrogacy in all forms should be banned worldwide.

I've always thought he was a misogynistic twat since reading This Is Going to Hurt. Hearing he has two children born through surrogacy that are 4 months apart in age - talk about hedging your bets! It's pregnancy reduced to a blatant financial transaction.

So how do gay men become fathers then OP?

No-one is 'owed' parent hood, it is not a right whatever your sexual orientation.

Unless you see it is a sense of entitlement from him and also from the nine women mentioned above.

well yes, obviously

using women’s bodies and buying humans is never going to be the right thing to do, is it?

I saw this reported in the Guardian this morning. It included quotes about the babies from his DID episode, all of which seemed to translate as 'me me me me me'. Awful

Indeed

the whole premise is flawed

Of course it is! It's a huge sense of entitlement from all the above. Unless you think (which would mystifying) that everyone has a right to be a parent, just because that's what they want.

'No-one is 'owed' parent hood, it is not a right whatever your sexual orientation.'

Quite right. Surrogacy is appalling, whatever the circumstances. No excuses. Shame on him and his husband