Declining to put my preferred pronouns in my email signature

[HowDoIGetThisThingOff]

It's finally happened, I've been "told" to put my preferred pronouns in my email signature at work.

I've emailed back saying my preference is that I don't do this. But I'm feeling a bit anxious 😬.

Please can I get some advice on what to say if they come back with questions or pressure to comply?

What a load of nonsense. No one is ashamed of people knowing they’re a woman and in the vast majority of cases it’s pretty bloody obvious that we’re women without having to put virtue signalling on our email signatures.

Personally I use my full first name on work emails to make it pretty clear to anyone who doesn’t actually know me that I’m a woman - I don’t need any other flags waving. I don’t have preferred pronouns because I really don’t give enough of a shit.

Ill carry on doing me

I always wondered if I could put darling/babe. I'd love to be called that (I'm an old and quite weathered lady)))

Right.

So you’ve just confirmed why there’s absolutely zero need for anyone to state their pronouns. 🤷🏻‍♀️

You've misunderstood/misread my point. I was suggesting - an interrogative suggestion - exactly what you are saying (I do research on discrimination against women for a living). You really need to read more carefully.

Wonderful advice. I may use this, thank you.
I’m resisting as I’ve never felt how society portray women, especially in recent years. But I’m definitely not male. Never want anyone to put me in a ‘box’

i have not RTFT (well, not past about 2/3 of the way down the first page.

All the "so why not put the pronouns you want people to use"?
It is not about "pronouns"

When you are requested/asked/told to put your "preferred pronouns" in your email (or whatever) what you are really being requested/asked/told to say is either "I look like a woman but i want you to refer to me as a man" or "I look like a woman and i want you to refer to me as a woman" or "i look like a man but i want you to refer to me as a woman" or "i look like a man and i want you to refer to me as a man" or "i look like a man/woman [delete one] and i want you to pretend i look androgynous and refer to me with no sex-specific denomination at all"

ad infinitum

What they are saying, in essence, is "are you trans?"

What a fucking stupid thing for "corporate" to say. I have only once been asked for my pronouns. I said "i don't care" and that was that.

Compelling use of pronouns doesn't help trans people, or anyone questioning their identity.

Its not our job to help out trans people FFS 😂

We've got political statements in permanent coloured font in signatures as well as pronouns. I saw one the other day that was from a she/her that said 'I stand in solidarity against bad treatment of humans....' or something along those lines, and I thought, well, don't we all unless we're sociopaths? Actually, putting 'I'm not a sociopath' would have been quicker to read.....it is work after all.

it beggars belief that people are honestly posing this question.

I got fired for being pregnant in a country where that is actually illegal. The company (very small) closed down and reopened with another name rather than reinstate me

i was refused promotions when my children were small on the grounds that i would be a less loyal employee as a mother, and had a junior, not as well qualified man promoted over my head: his children were the same age as mine

When i had to work saturdays (month end closing) and had no childcare, happens occasionally, i took my DCs to work. Put them in the logistics office to play with the toy trucks and got on with my work. Apparently i was a bit rubbish for not having childcare.

The manager whose wife went on a hen-do for 3 days and whose mil couldn't cover one of them brought his daughter to work and promptly tried to fob her off onto me (only woman with kids) as he was too important and had to work. I told him to fuck off, and my boss told me i was mean and he was a great dad for looking after his kid

ad nauseum ad infinitun multiplied by millions of other women in the workplace. And now I'm nearing retirement age and have let my grey hair grow out? "well, surely now your DH is retired you'll want to spend more time with him" and "well, you won't want the extra stress of promotion now"

Fuck. That. Shit. We 2nd wavers thought we'd cut off all the heads of that hydra.

I'm not likely to encounter this in my workplace, thankfully - but if hell did freeze over, I like to think that my inviting them to tell me, with the obvious potential consequence of deeply wounding my psyche and reporting them to HR if they get it wrong would make it go away.

After all, how exactly do you decide the pronouns of somebody who

Wears men's shoes
Wears trousers
Wears shirts
Wears a pullover or blazer
Doesn't wear an engagement ring
Has short, unpolished nails and doesn't wear makeup
Has significant facial and neck hair
Has used a non specific diminutive of their given name for their entire working life?

Choose carefully. If you decide it's clearly she/her, you could be misgendering an enby or he/him outside the workplace. If you decide it's he/him, you're potentially picking on somebody with a long term health condition (as per the sensible shoes that fit orthotics and the facial hair) or a she/her who is dreadfully hurt by the accusation of being he/him for not confirming to gender stereotypes or the erasure of their non disclosed sexuality. And if you decide it's they/them - WTF? You're saying you can't tell? Are you shaming me for not wearing makeup and heels? And aren't you suggesting that I can't possibly be he/him? You think I'm a TERF - how very dare you, you can't make that assumption based upon my age and what you think should be my gender identity and pronouns.

I got the email.
I messaged back saying I had no interest in this as never, in my 55 years had I been mis gendered and thought that people could discern my gender easily from my name, title, and indeed photo should they at any point be confused.

This was followed by some rubbish about "standing with lbgtqa plus"
My response was that I felt insulted at the insinuation that I did not support/tolerate such colleagues and would they like a meeting to discuss my hurt feelings.
Heard nowt more.

The problem is, as others have stated here, that by requiring someone to have preferred pronouns that person is required to believe in the concept of an abstract gender identity not just for other people, but for herself/himself.

Because the concept of an abstract gender identity is an unfalsifiable belief (like believing in the existence of angels) it should not be something secular societies demand others to pretend to believe.

And I second every word of @Brefugee post. Too feckin right.

Two things:

One, you just made our point that it's unnecessary.

Two, there is evidence that drawing one's own attention to one's own sex makes us worse at some tasks. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0022103198913737 That's how strong sexism is, the whips are in our own heads. So if women's attention is repeatedly brought to our sex before a difficult maths task, we are worse at it. That's before you add other people's prejudice, that's just our own internalised sexism.

I'm not ashamed to be a woman. I love being a woman. My favourite 'wrong pronoun' conversation was this with a twat client:

Him: I'm unhappy and want to talk to your supervisor

Me: Sorry that's not possible today
Him: Well I want to talk to him
Me: 'Her', it's women all the way up in this organisation
Him: <crickets>

Made me so happy.

Oh please do. Please please please be that person. I'll join you.

Have I missed your point?

Because, to be honest, with this ^^ post, you’re playing right into the hands of those saying we should all declare pronouns. So as to avoid other people deciding/assuming - and getting it wrong.

If you (generic) don’t want people to assume and get it wrong, it probably behoves you to tell people your pronouns.

Personally, I couldn’t get less what people refer to me as when I’m not around, and wouldn’t be so mortally offended if I was mis-gendered, so I will not be telling people what pronouns to use when referring to me.

Might be because the OP doesn't agree with unnecessary performative virtue signalling.

I think at this stage of the game we should all just be honest.

"are you asking me if i have a transgender identity?" might be a good answer.

One, you just made our point that it's unnecessary.

What makes you think that I think it’s necessary?

Why do you think hiding your womanhood in an email is going to protect you in the workplace?

Have you changed your name to something gender natural? Do you pretend to be a man at work?

I also work with people with aphasia (language impairment post stroke or other brain injury). If they ask me for support in stating their preferred pronouns, that's a goal I will happily set for them (obviously it's never yet happened but I'm open to the idea that it will). I'm not going to add to their cognitive load by requesting they use any part of language for MY benefit.

There have been several of those studies which send resumes to various employers/people with hiring authority with all the other items in them unchanged except for the first name of the applicant so that some are sent as coming from the generic 'Jane' and some from the generic 'John' (similar studies also research racial and gender biases in hiring).

These show that female-seeming applicants are less likely to be rated higher, less likely to be recommended for employment, and more likely to be recommended a lower initial salary offer. The same has appeared in studies looking at applications for graduate education, say, and both male and female evaluators tend to show bias against female names in both types of cases.

Anyone who talks about 'womanhood' gets a hard stare from me. These days it's increasingly a way of talking about people's gender identity belief system without admitting it.

Did you read the study I posted?

The point is that repeatedly drawing attention to sex is linked to poorer performance and discrimination.

Actually I do use T. Pratchett fairly frequently in correspondence. My email has Terry Pratchett but I'm not repeatedly mentioning my sex. I'm also older and have a dodgy accent, which I know, and so does anyone talking to me. But I don't say "Terry Pratchett, female, old and common" before every conversation. It would affect performance.

But mostly, why should I?

That will certainly show them. Glad we have you fighting for our rights.

You will be glad, yes.