Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Adult son's voting intentions-a little shocked.

168 replies

CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 11:47

My son lives in Rosie Duffield constituency. We live in a nearby constituency where they weigh the Conservative votes rather than count them. I've been reminding him that he really must get on the electoral register where he lives-he's a very political person and a vociferous left winger. He's been putting it off-he still uses this as his permanent address. Yesterday he finally told me that he's intending to stay on the register here and vote for a local independent. He says that while he couldn't actually vote Tory, he'd rather the Tory candidate won than Duffield. I am quite shaken by this!

OP posts:
Original poster
CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 14:44

Hmm. I do hope all of you who have adult children are confident that have managed to avoid trans ideology. It breaks my heart that neither of mine have. But I'm not going NC with them because of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 14:46

In the meantime, the Tories are going to win the next election. That'll be fun.

OP posts:
Shelefttheweb · 30/04/2023 14:46

Incidentally, he is neither an idiot or a Men's Rights Activist!

I wouldn’t be so sure

BluebellBlueballs · 30/04/2023 14:49

It's probably a protest vote if you have pushed a GC view. Kids love to oppose their parents.

Hepwo · 30/04/2023 14:52

I think it's social death to be a terf @CurlewKate for young people.

I don't think they really know what they are agreeing with, like the daft European Song Contest band in Ireland.

Both my two think that sex matters and single sex exemptions are reasonable and so are actually terfs in that respect. They also didn't realise that there was a public consultation that terfs won!

It's quite superficial support on the whole, not withstanding the dangerous and extremist few.

That's why it's fizzling out IMO.

literalviolence · 30/04/2023 14:52

CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 14:44

Hmm. I do hope all of you who have adult children are confident that have managed to avoid trans ideology. It breaks my heart that neither of mine have. But I'm not going NC with them because of it.

Mine are older teens. Thus far, they have avoided believing that humans magically change sex and that women's rights should never be mentioned but I never sit on my laurels. The question really is not whether other mums and dads have managed to give a stronger message that women matter than the message much of society gives that women don't matter - or perhaps a more believable message for some reason. The question is how to help your son to move to a more ethical place. Personally I think going NC is a bit nuclear but to start to figure out the solution I do think you have to first recognise the problem. He is an MRA, he is part of the problem, he wants to be seen as left winger and progressive but he is not doing the work to get there - not because he is voting Tory this time, but because he is anti RC. Stop enabling him. Take him off your electoral register. I would not enable a vote for misogyny even if he is beyond the age when you can stop him doing that damage. Make him properly face the dilemma because that it what might make him wake up and examine RC's 'crimes'. There is hope for him to move to a more ethical place and maybe this is something you guys just need to not talk about together but you need to know what he is right now and that is no friend to women.

literalviolence · 30/04/2023 14:54

CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 14:46

In the meantime, the Tories are going to win the next election. That'll be fun.

Totally. Would be fun if labour got in too though because they plan to systematically and overtly dismantle women's rights. They're led by an MRA. It's a shit show right now and we need a party of actual equality to vote for.

sevenbyseven · 30/04/2023 14:54

He's not allowed to vote in your constituency though, unless he's only away as a student and yours is then genuinely his permanent address. I don't really understand why you'd keep him registered at your address when the form comes through. Are you sure he's not also registered in his own constituency?

Nellodee · 30/04/2023 15:02

Does your son know you support her? Have you had many conversations about gender? It seems a very confrontational thing for him to have said, if so, but you didn’t mention any kind of disagreement.

Pluvia · 30/04/2023 15:08

I do hope all of you who have adult children are confident that have managed to avoid trans ideology. It breaks my heart that neither of mine have. But I'm not going NC with them because of it.

Well, those I know who have adult children who aren't voting against women's rights brought them up in a non-sexist, liberal-minded families and didn't condone sexist, patriarchal, anti-women attitudes.

Has anyone here suggested you go NC with your son? I must have missed it. You've made it clear you're not even prepared to take him off the electoral register, even though he lives elsewhere and removing him would actually just be observing the law.

Original poster
CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 15:09

@Nellodee He knows I support her. We have had many conversations- but I have chosen not to recently because I know he found it very difficult to accept that in his mind I am a bigot. And I didn't want to push him into having to choose. My daughter is more accepting-but the same applies to her. This particular discussion came up because I was congratulating him on living in a constituency where he could vote for someone who might actually win. I have never had that experience!

OP posts:
kitsuneghost · 30/04/2023 15:11

It's good he feels free to think for himself. Too many people vote as their parents did and as they have always done without even looking at a manifesto.

Original poster
CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 15:11

@Pluvia "Well, those I know who have adult children who aren't voting against women's rights brought them up in a non-sexist, liberal-minded families and didn't condone sexist, patriarchal, anti-women attitudes."
Wow. Lucky you. I and many of my friends did the same thing and have been less lucky. How old are your children, by the way?

OP posts:
ImAvingOops · 30/04/2023 15:16

If he was mine, I'd get him taken off my address and registered for his own. I don't think people should be making choices about constituency representation for areas they don't actually live in.

LauderSyme · 30/04/2023 15:18

I agree OP that the Tories are probably going to win the next election. Heartbreaking, imo, given what they appear to value and promote.

I also agree that trans ideology seems to have a very tight grip on young people's hearts and minds. My ds is a young teen. He and his best friend are very bright, politically engaged and keen on equality and diversity; they have both been raised by feminist mothers who are hardly shy about expressing their opinions (!) Both of them are 100% supportive of trans rights.

The three of us recently had a discussion, instigated by the boys criticising and insulting JKR, in which I vocalised some gender critical arguments. At one point I said "But respecting trans rights in some contexts inevitably means disrespecting women's rights" and was met with a retort of "So?"

I responded with something empirically well-reasoned but there was absolutely no moving them an inch. So yes I agree this is concerning.

Pluvia · 30/04/2023 15:36

I don't have children. I made it clear my comment was based on observation of friends who've raised their children to be supportive of women's rights. Not all children feel the need to rebel against their parents. Many of the 20-somethings I know clearly respect their mothers and share their values and have seen straight through trans ideology and its misogyny.

Is it just down to luck? I don't know. If you've raised your children in a family with a strong feminist ethos perhaps they're better able to fend off the TRA lies and stand up to the social pressure to conform. I said early on in this thread that your attitude to not removing your son from the electoral register might offer a clue about how he'd been raised and I still think it does.

User165342 · 30/04/2023 15:44

I thought only students could vote from their parents address or where they Iive, they have a choice, we took DS off our address when he left university.

DojaPhat · 30/04/2023 15:45

My kids are not grown up but I have young adult nieces and nephews. All raised by headstrong women and in the main they seem to think trans people are just the latest group to come in for a kicking. They notice the word 'woke' used a great deal when particular topics come up, one being trans ideology. This has actually really been very important in them having the views that they have and more importantly I don't want them sticking their heads above the parapet.

AutumnCrow · 30/04/2023 15:46

If he's no longer a student, then he needs to sort his actual permanent address and council tax obligations out.

Pluvia · 30/04/2023 15:47

All raised by headstrong women

They may have been headstrong but were they feminist? There's a world of difference.

sevenbyseven · 30/04/2023 16:01

I'm curious to know why several posters think the Tories are going to win the next election? I mean obviously they might win, but that's not what the polls are saying.

sevenbyseven · 30/04/2023 16:02

ImAvingOops · 30/04/2023 15:16

If he was mine, I'd get him taken off my address and registered for his own. I don't think people should be making choices about constituency representation for areas they don't actually live in.

This ^^ It's unethical, regardless of his politics.

Holly60 · 30/04/2023 16:04

Flowerly · 30/04/2023 12:13

He sounds like an idiot OP. RD is supposed to be a very good constituency MP isn't she? Plus she is brilliantly GC and we need more of her.

Are you aware you are talking to someone regarding her son?!

How bloody rude.

Original poster
CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 16:04

@Pluvia I don't think I've ever said this before-but I'm not really keen on having my parenting questioned by a stranger who hasn't tried it herself. This is not a simple issue-raising your children to understand and live by feminist principles does not mean they won't take on board trans ideology. If you do at some point have children, I wish you luck.

OP posts:
Original poster
CurlewKate · 30/04/2023 16:06

With a bit of luck he will have a permanent address soon and that part of the issue will be resolved. That does not take away from the fact that he and many other young people-who are natural Labour voters will be taking their votes elsewhere at the next election, and that is a terrifying thought.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread