Trans and losing my mind...

[bluepetergeneration]

Posting here in good faith. And I'll leave that at that.

I'm a TS. I was born male. I don't normally post on mumsnet but I started using it as I have a 1 year old DD. I won't tell my whole life story, that would be self indulgent, so I'll just say what I came here to say.

I'm sick to death of my community. I'm sick of the misogyny. I'm under no illusion that I'm a woman or ever will be. I transitioned when I was very young so I pass, but I still now only use female bathrooms when there's no other option (such as a disabled bathroom- I would feel unsafe in the mens). What I have is a disorder- it was crippling- and now I live my life so that I can actually enjoy it and not feel 'wrong'.

The idea of self-ID sickens me, and I'm tired of having to have the same conversations over and over again with other trans people who accuse me of being some kind of self hating transsexual just because I care about the safety of women. I also care about the safety of my kid. Partly because I'm worried she'll be in danger because I'm trans, and also because I don't want her to get caught up in all these weird messages that being trans isn't a disorder around dysphoria (which it is).

I guess I'm posting this to say that in this fight, trans people with genuine dysphoria who aren't delusional will be standing right beside you.

Also a plea to not paint all of us with the same brush. You can fight for the rights of trans people (like me, I should be able to present female and not get attacked, and when I was in my late teens and still looked a bit male I did get attacked) and also be gender critical

Woman who are confident in their own skin are those who aren't that bothered about a man seeing them undressed or in underwear. It's no different to walking along the beach in a bikini or sunbathing topless which shock horror was normal in the 80s and 90s so we have actually gone backwards not forwards. I don't spend hours a week at the gym to hide behind my husband as someone might get turned on.

Thats lovely that you are so proud of yourself that you are happy showing yourself to any man that wants to have an ogle at you.

My teenage daughter, my elderly mother in law and my son do not feel the same so kindly refrain from trying to remove our rights to single sex spaces. My son is particularly uncomfortable with older ladies being overly forward.

As an aside, in the ‘good old’ 80s and 90s, topless Page 3 models aged 16 were leered over nationally, lots of people celebrated 48 year old Bill Wyman squiring 13 yr old Mandy Smith around the London nightclubs (and god knows what else) and Jimmy Saville was a superstar loved by the great and the good .

So maybe things weren’t so rosy?

"Woman who are confident in their own skin are those who aren't that bothered about a man seeing them undressed or in underwear . . . . I don't spend hours a week at the gym to hide behind my husband as someone might get turned on."

Way to go. Throwing victims of sexual abuse and rape under the bus in one sweeping statement. You should just tell them to be a bit more "confident in their own skin".
Fucking hell.

Did it ever occur to you that some (most) women simply DON'T want to share intimate spaces with men? Just because?

I am very confident thanks. I still don't want to share toilets with men.
And nor do most women.

Oof, I saw that letter she wrote. The male born trans person in the toilets next to Ruby washing hands at the sink made the observation that he would dry his hands on his penis (for anyone rushing to complain about my correct use of pronouns, there is no way in a million years that I would refer to someone who is proposing to use their penis as a hand towel as ‘she’).

To be in an enclosed space with a male that has an obvious joy in making women feel uncomfortable must have been terrifying. Women’s toilets are often down a long dark corridor where no one will hear you scream.

Re. third spaces.

They wouldn't work.
I have said this before (many times).
If you want to see a real life example, just look at India Willoughby's stories of going out of their way to find a "female" bathroom when they were presented with the choice of "male" or "unisex". They actually walked well out of their way to use a specifically female bathroom.
It is all about the validation, validation from other women.
A room is just a room. It's the people using that room that makes it "female" or "male" etc. Most TW want to be seen completely and totally as women, and using a third space is not attractive to them because it takes away from their view of themselves as complete women.
I am sure that millions would be spent in providing these "gender neutral / unisex" spaces only for them to lie mainly empty (at least empty of trans women, who will continue to use female spaces).

It won't solve the problem.
Third spaces do not provide the all important validation from other women that they are "women".

My teenage daughter, my elderly mother in law and my son do not feel the same so kindly refrain from trying to remove our rights to single sex spaces. My son is particularly uncomfortable with older ladies being overly forward.

Quite. That poster might feel confident undressing themselves in front of strange men, but my son would be very put off. And not because she's older than him, he would feel just as embarrassed if his peers did it.

What do these woman think?

Isn't it just @Datun.

@bluepetergeneration Hi OP,

I'm also a trans woman in a very similar situation to you, I'm sorry you feel the way you do but you won't get support here - I've sent you a private message if you wish to talk to someone in a similar situation to you and feels similar to you as well.

Take care and be safe

you won't get support here

Unsurprisingly, women do not support males in women-only spaces.

Get with the program.

If you don't support unequivocally, 100%, no debate, no questions, you are a BIGOT.

Why would support be given to someone who trashes women's boundaries? Who apparently listens to all the reasons why women do not want ANY male in their female only single sex spaces and services and then says they will carry on going in there anyway?

Transwomen who do not do what you or the OP do is given.

Take care and be safe but don't apply that to women, their care and safety comes as a very distant second to yours.

Transwomen who do not do what you or the OP do is given.

Should say: Transwomen who do not do what you or the OP are given support.

The word trans is not an adjective to describe a woman’s lived life , a woman’s culture or a woman’s experience.

Did you miss the bit where the OP said they wouldn't be reading any more posts? Including yours, presumably.

What is the point of that post, other than to announce, publicly, that women everyone will have their boundaries violated, whether they like it or not?

you won't get support here

Why would a man look for support from women in a feminist forum? 🫤

It makes no sense.

Habit?

I'm suspecting neither of those posters can understand why we are malfunctioning like this!

Yes. I am sure you are right. Fgs

🤣

Desperately looking for the reset button....

It’s that entitled assumption ‘I’m sure if they understood my need to violate their boundaries they’ll be cool with it and crack on with giving me support”

Add to me, at least, it's always so revealing how these posters never actually engage with what we say. There's never any addressing of our arguments. Despite them being oh so supportive of them.

it's always, what! I cant believe you said no!! Didn't you hear all my arguments as to why you need to comply! Right, I'm off. I'll just give a quick hello to everybody else who share my disbelief that you actually said no.

Yes. Always the same pattern.

IKR 😁

Let me just explain.

This is what I want.

Okay, can we move on now?

(To what I want next, obvs.)

As I said earlier, whilst I understand there are many trans people who are not TRAs and do not agree with much of the ideology, if you are a male voluntarily using female single sex spaces then you are not really any different to the TRAs. I do not support any males using female spaces so not sure why PP would expect support here.

It's the patronising - Oh I hear you, I understand, I really do

followed by the arrogance - but I'm going to carry on doing what I do anyway because my desires trump all your concerns and needs.