Just resigned due to abusive male ‘customer’. I feel so sad and humiliated.

[TheEmperorIsNaked]

Yesterday I tried to serve a man who, I think, had decided to act like a cunt before he entered the store. I did my best not to rise to it and tried to remain professional in the presence of what I can only describe as utter contempt from him. He called me names and threw paper at me and goaded me to call the police.

I called for security but they didn’t come. I have since been advised that they are employed to protect stock and not staff 😡.

I should have left my desk but I stupidly decided to follow previous instructions to never leave the desk unmanned. When he left he said, menacingly “You better not report me”.

After he’d gone and a colleague came to relieve me I burst into tears … In front of customers! I think the humiliation of that is what hurts the most. I then had to walk through the shop like that. I don’t know who saw me but I feel so ashamed; like I disgraced myself in public.

I left a note on my bosses desk explaining that I was leaving early. We spoke today and I told her that my husband would be delivering my resignation letter tomorrow and that I would not be able to work my notice period. She was very kind and offered solutions but I just can’t face going back in there. I’m terrified that this man will come back in again, but even if he doesn’t, some other nasty misogynist probably will.

I feel absolutely defeated.

They should not be instructing you to not leave the desk.

When I worked in retail if anyone was abusive we were allowed to just walk away.

The abuse from customers is horrendous.

At the end of the day your physical and mental health is more important than any job.

I am so sorry that you had to go through this and your employer is as much to blame as the customer. I cannot believe that security would not come out to deal with this person.

I once had a customer try to physically attack me in a fast food shop - my colleagues immediately leapt to my defence and restrained him while the police were called. He was arrested and taken away. I was able to go back to work because I knew it was an isolated incident and I knew my colleagues had my back. I could not have gone back in if they had ignored it and left me to deal with it alone.

It’s tough. I’ve been spat at, verbally abused, slapped, called horrendous names and had my life threatened. Welcome to the NHS post pandemic. I left and I do not regret it. Do what’s best for you.

I'm so very sorry that you had to experience this disgusting man. Its no surprise he's made you feel dreadful. However, how you feel is in your control not his. The way I mentally deal with these encounters is to tell myself that I've had to experience this person just once for a brief moment of my life. They however are stuck with their miserable personality and actions for their lifetime.

Don't go back if you don't feel safe. I wouldn't resign yet though. Ask for a meeting with your manager to discuss your safety. You did nothing wrong.
Don't rush into resigning.

That's incredibly good advice for many situations (mine currently completely unrelated but a narcissistic family member is currently living rent-free in my head after a disastrous Christmas). Thank you 🌹

I've worked in prisons, treatment centres, shelters, scary places that typically people are terrified of.

Mosts threats to my life? Not the murderers or sex offenders I've worked with. Call centre. The general public are utterly vile to service personnel.

I resigned from my job in December due to a verbally abusive customer, he was screaming and shouting at me, being absolutely awful. I ended up hanging up on him. I got no support from my managers, and I just thought I don't get paid enough for this. I've been in customer service and retail for 20 years, and have never been spoken to like that.

Your MH and safety is more important than that job.

Tbh though, get a grip. If you can resign so easily, good for you. Most people can't and just get on with it. Its just an idiot, why let them dictate your life

I had one of the worst “customer” encounters of my life a few days ago and I’m still very shaken so I fully understand. I’ve allocated myself two weeks to feel panicky (in case there is some kind of repercussion as she was just so horrible) but I figure if nothings happened by then nothing will and I can chalk it up to experience and get over it. If nothing else this gave me a kick up the arse to explore new opportunities if they arise, I’ve been in this job for too long and the joy really isn’t there anymore.

How awful. One thing stands out for me and that is you being told that security are there to protect the stock & not the staff. That, for me, would be enough reason to resign.

What an utter vile twat. I too would be worried that you have been told security are there to protect stock not staff. I've been in your position, 20 years in retail, the last 2 were truly awful. I eventually left....if you can afford to then I dont blame you.

@Calistan I wish I could ‘resign so easily’. Why on earth do you think I can?

“I was able to go back to work because I knew it was an isolated incident and I knew my colleagues had my back.”

Yes, this is why I feel I have no option but to resign. Nobody was willing, or available, to help.

I really can’t afford to be out of work. I’ve put myself under huge pressure to find another job. I have 2 weeks holiday pay to tide me over between jobs. DH is medically retired and our only other income is his pension.

So sorry to hear OP. Similar happened to someone I know in a pharmacy.

Happened to me when I worked in mc Donald's. Verbal abuse. Having food thrown at me. Hideous. No point in trying to make it better and I'm sorry you resigned but you're worth loads more than that. Best of luck.

Why on Earth would you resign? This is part and parcel of working retail that you get the occasional abusive customer. How are you humiliated? He’s the one that has made a public ass of himself. I’d be meeting with the manager and asking about what can be put in place to better handle this if it happens again.

This is going to make it hard to find another job if you’re going to be too fragile to handle a tough customer once in a blue moon.

Is the set up legal at your workplace?

I am sorry you've been through this.

Wow, that's helpful 👏👏

WTF?

No.
OP does not have to put up with abusive customers for an employer that prioritises stock over staff. There are plenty of retailers and hospitality jobs around and not all managers are this irresponsible.

How is the manager irresponsible? OP herself said:

She was very kind and offered solutions but I just can’t face going back in there.

Solutions have been offered. And I’m not saying she has to put up with shit, just that shit happens in retail. You’d know if you’d ever worked in it long term. Managers cannot control rage behaviour of customers, once in a blue moon one will come in that is abusive.

I would call ACAS before resigning. Employers have a duty to keep employees safe.

https://humanfocus.co.uk/blog/workplace-verbal-abuse-and-how-to-handle-it/

I worked in retail (supermarket) for a few years and any abusive, threatening customers would be removed by security, or the store manager. We were never left to deal with them alone . Your management should be ashamed of themselves

💐

“Is the set up legal at your workplace?”

Yes, it’s a well established retailer. They have an official policy about customer abuse of staff but it’s just a lot of waffle: “Zero tolerance … not part of the role … we care about your safety” and so on. I went through it earlier and there’s actually nothing of any substance in it.

@Onnabugeisha I am not fragile. I’m a grown woman who has experienced domestic violence. I find male aggression very difficult to deal with possibly because of my history.

Please stop perpetuating the myth that abuse should be expected for retail workers.