Just resigned due to abusive male ‘customer’. I feel so sad and humiliated.

[TheEmperorIsNaked]

Yesterday I tried to serve a man who, I think, had decided to act like a cunt before he entered the store. I did my best not to rise to it and tried to remain professional in the presence of what I can only describe as utter contempt from him. He called me names and threw paper at me and goaded me to call the police.

I called for security but they didn’t come. I have since been advised that they are employed to protect stock and not staff 😡.

I should have left my desk but I stupidly decided to follow previous instructions to never leave the desk unmanned. When he left he said, menacingly “You better not report me”.

After he’d gone and a colleague came to relieve me I burst into tears … In front of customers! I think the humiliation of that is what hurts the most. I then had to walk through the shop like that. I don’t know who saw me but I feel so ashamed; like I disgraced myself in public.

I left a note on my bosses desk explaining that I was leaving early. We spoke today and I told her that my husband would be delivering my resignation letter tomorrow and that I would not be able to work my notice period. She was very kind and offered solutions but I just can’t face going back in there. I’m terrified that this man will come back in again, but even if he doesn’t, some other nasty misogynist probably will.

I feel absolutely defeated.

Do sorry this happened. I used to work in retail while studying then lookeing for a job afterwards. So it was a hard time anyway and my mh was poor. But a huge part of that was customers. Many were so rude and some abusive like you describe.

I'd think about your finances before resigning but if you can afford it and font feel safe I get it.

Don't be hasty. Don't resign.
Go off such with stress for a few days. Give yourself a break.

Ask your HR what they plan to do to protect their staff

Get a solution that ensures your safety. Some people are just highly unpleasant this isn't your fault

Dear God, op your incident reminded me of the time that a "man" chose to personally blame me because government funding had been denied to his business because his application turned out to be fraudulent. He got my direct line and was threatening to wait outside the office and beat me up, was called a cunt, bitch, fucking moron. Because his attempted fraud failed.
I nearly resigned and mine wasnt face to face, I wasnt in the local office as he thought but hundreds of miles away AND my employers took immediate action ( all calls recorded so police informed) .
I was terrified to answer the phone at work for months afterwards.

Yes. Staff need to know that they are not expected to put up with abuse or rudeness and that their employers will back them up.

God help your staff if you really are a manager and you think how the OP's workplace operate is fine. Yes, you will get abusive customers, but everywhere I have worked the practice has been to walk away to a staff-only location e.g. the kitchen (even if manning the till) and get the manager. It shouldn't have escalated to what the OP had described if effective management and policies were in place.

Also, standards of behaviour have deteriorated massively in the last 20 years. I work in the NHS - part of the time in A&E, so we have always had abusive patients/families, but it's 10 times as common (at least) as it used to be.

Nobody gives a shit. Fuck off, troll.

Your stories are cringey and nobody cares how "tough" you think you are. Get your kicks somewhere else so people can support the OP @Onnabugeisha

Yes nothing wrong with staff pointing out the rudeness, but swearing at the customer is a stupid thing to do, and is likely to do nothing but inflame some situations.

Get yourself to the GP and get signed off for a few weeks. At least you get paid and can bide your time.

OP your employer's response was appalling (the company/"security") I mean - your line manager sounds as though she is fairly stuck, though hopefully she is in a position to point out exactly why company process means she just lost a team member.

I would love to know who it is so I can boycott them 😡. Not asking you to say, obviously

. But I think they have actually harmed you (hopefully temporarily, though if they have driven you out of the sector that's actually pretty serious.)

You should probably go to the GP if possible, theu might be able to help with the immediate trauma.

I wonder if security is done by a contractor, and I wonder if the employer knows this is how they respond, and if they endorse it. I don't know anything about your union but I would hope they could take the issue up on behalf of presumably very many members at the same company.

I don't think it is out of the question to think you are entitled to compensation. Whether a claim is worth the hassle of course is another matter. But it might make them buck their ideas up.

So very sorry this happened, and please be kind to yourself (and ignore any t*s who tell you to shrug it off. That's just absurd.)

I feel you OP.

It really says something about society - some manifestation of the class system maybe? - that people feel the (often lower waged) customer service personnel are easy targets for their underlying stress or just plain nasty character.

I can clearly remember one day having to tell a man who rocked up to me with wife and son in tow demanding he be allowed access to a public walkway that had a bike restriction due to it being so crowded. My 'I understand and I'm sorry, but you'll have to lock the bike up somewhere' was met with the physical response of this man aggressively stepping forward right to my face - it was like he had to put on a performance for his wife and son, all hard man - and shouting at me telling me to 'stop him if I'm brave then talking to me like I was shit under his shoe. Then he proceeded to ignore me and push his bike against the crowd.

There was a police car with two policemen parked right next to me. They enforced the rules, which were tight due to a number of accidents that day. They said and did nothing. My boss shrugged her shoulders.

Later the guy came back, deliberately and pettily sook me out and all pumped up said 'There!'

His wife condoned him shouting to my face, and I know there's no such thing as a sisterhood, but that did upset me, and yes I did feel humiliated. I wish I had told him to go fuck himself, risked my job and gone home. Instead I was left feeling helpless and subjected to indignity. It pissed me off later for a long time.

If I had money I would never work in a customer service/ caring facing role. Women get treated like shit.

I admire you handing in your resignation. Takes guts and self-belief to say I'm worth more than this shit. Good for you!

I'm so sorry to hear about all these other stories of abuse. Flowers all round. Nobody should be treated like that, and definitely not at work!

It really says something about society - some manifestation of the class system maybe? - that people feel the (often lower waged) customer service personnel are easy targets for their underlying stress or just plain nasty character

Yup - see this in A&E all the time. Who gets the most shit? Receptionists, then HCAs, then nurses then doctors, who get the least (though still plenty!). And there's a gender hierarchy too, of course - anyone female gets more shit than a man in the equivalent role.

I'm sorry you have had to go through this op, it's horrendous having worked in Customer service and been the receiving end it's not pleasant and face to face will be scary, I've had it where I had worked my way up the ranks when I have seen it happen to one of my team over the phone I have then taken over the call given 2 warnings that the call will be terminated, unfortunately younger staff are too worried that if they did follow to that process they would be disciplined hence why I took over. I have had it where our field staff have been locked in Customer houses and I have had to contact police whilst trying to talk to the customer and the engineer. My DH as an engineer has been threatened with violence. Dogs and weapons because the part has to be ordered in or is obsolete.
People have always been entitled and selfish but over the last 5 years it has gotten increasingly worse, people aren't taught empathy, rational thought, understanding and it's getting worse.r
security will be their for the products but they should have stepped in, other customers should have stepped in, the fact that as a society we see it happen and just standby while it does needs I change we need to call out this behaviour and we need to get relevant people involved to stop it happening by these people again

Hi OP, I'm so sorry this happened to you. I work head office for one of the retail giants and honestly your manager can and should have done a lot more to protect and re-assure you. At my organisation store managers are given the discretion to remove difficult customers from store, call the police and even black list them so they can't return. I'm very sure your organisation will be the same as most of the big retailers have similar policies. Obv not all managers have the guts and confidence to do this but it was totally on her to resolve - bad customers are bad for business as they can also intimidate and cause friction with other customers.

Also the security IS supposed to protect staff - I'm shocked by that response. Yes, primarily there for stock but any store manager and retailer knows that is anyone was assaulted on their premises it would be a huge reputational, police and legal issue - so of course they'll do what they can do stop it escalating. Not your fault at all, but your store manager who's role it is to ensure colleagues are kept safe.

There would be CCTV of this if it happened near the tills - so for future reference you should report it to your store manager and also the personnel/HR manager. And your union.

I know you've resigned now but I don't want you thinking this is just something you have to accept. The customer isn't always right and you have a right to a safe work environment. If work isn't providing it, they are in the wrong and a quick call from your union, a reality check about this spreading on social media (other customers could have seen it) will frighten them into action.

Hope you're ok, and find a nicer place for your next job.

OP, don't be too hasty - get the CCTV and give it to ACAS.

Oh do fuck off

It really says something about society - some manifestation of the class system maybe? - that people feel the (often lower waged) customer service personnel are easy targets for their underlying stress or just plain nasty character
I agree with this.

There's also an age element as well I've found.
When I was younger I looked young for my age and a certain type of nasty aggressive middle aged men seemed to have no issue trying to threaten and intimidate me. They were unpleasant to female colleagues in general, but especially those who they felt were young.
They generally had a very nasty shock when, having misjudged my age and experience, I wouldn't stand for it, challenged them, sought back up from management.

I've come to the conclusion that they're sad and bitter men who have very little going for them if they can only feel big and powerful by bullying younger women.

They will seriously struggle tomorrow night as I work until midnight on Fridays. That will not be an easy shift to cover but it’s no longer my problem.

I hope this gives them pause to think about how they are treating their staff. They will end up with no one left. It's an employees market at the moment and, like you, people are voting with their feet. Well done.

NHS staff here. I often work alone in clinic and get some awful patients. Verbally abusive, belittling. Women more often then men. Patient attendance numbers are the be all and end all though. I now grey-rock them and then, once they've run out of steam, tell them they are being rude and give them the option to leave. They generally shut up and stay quiet for the rest of the appt. There is no security or back up. It sucks. I hope you're feeling better.

Sorry for your horrible experience . I worked in security and while we had no power of arrest we would be expected deal with morons like him. Even if it was just to tell him to leave the premises or call the police if he refused .
Hope you find something better 💐

I'm really sorry, OP. I've worked in retail and hospitality and, although I never experienced anything like what you describe, I know how demoralising and downright frightening even mild unpleasantness from customers can be.

Please try to believe that the colleagues and customers who saw you in tears would NOT think badly of you; they would think badly of the cunt who behaved in the way that made you so upset. And you should not feel ashamed or that you disgraced yourself; again, decent people will be on your side.
That may sound trite or hollow, but I mean it.

On the work side, you say (generously) 'I don’t blame my manager for what happened.' but actually, while it's not about 'blame', it IS up to her to support and protect her staff. It doesn't matter if she's only a couple of grades above you. She needed to personally come and help you and mobilise other staff to support you both.
And it is up to her to push back up to her managers on issues like security coming to back you up, and the policy of never leaving desks unmanned.

I know this is all too late and you've left, but I think it's important to recognise that this happened basically because there are people who have let you down who shouldn't have.

Do you have a union?

Staff welfare?

Access to a solicitor?

Sounds like a constructive dismissal case waiting to happen!

I'd have a look at the security staff job description and see if part of their remit is to protect staff from this kind of thing.

(Then there's Glassdoor, where you can sign in to leave an anonymous review of your own employer)

Security may have helped if they’d been alerted. It would depend on the guard I think. I can’t contact them directly. I can only call my supervisor and request help. During this incident, my supervisor was on her break. I don’t know who, if anyone, was covering her. I don’t know if anyone even heard my request for a guard. The message about security not being there for staff has not come from anyone I work with, but from a (male) employee at another branch who I know outside of work.

My resignation letter has been delivered now so it’s done. I feel better.

Flowers @TheEmperorIsNaked , I'm glad you feel better.