Just resigned due to abusive male ‘customer’. I feel so sad and humiliated.

[TheEmperorIsNaked]

Yesterday I tried to serve a man who, I think, had decided to act like a cunt before he entered the store. I did my best not to rise to it and tried to remain professional in the presence of what I can only describe as utter contempt from him. He called me names and threw paper at me and goaded me to call the police.

I called for security but they didn’t come. I have since been advised that they are employed to protect stock and not staff 😡.

I should have left my desk but I stupidly decided to follow previous instructions to never leave the desk unmanned. When he left he said, menacingly “You better not report me”.

After he’d gone and a colleague came to relieve me I burst into tears … In front of customers! I think the humiliation of that is what hurts the most. I then had to walk through the shop like that. I don’t know who saw me but I feel so ashamed; like I disgraced myself in public.

I left a note on my bosses desk explaining that I was leaving early. We spoke today and I told her that my husband would be delivering my resignation letter tomorrow and that I would not be able to work my notice period. She was very kind and offered solutions but I just can’t face going back in there. I’m terrified that this man will come back in again, but even if he doesn’t, some other nasty misogynist probably will.

I feel absolutely defeated.

I am so sorry that I haven’t responded to a lot of the lovely supportive posts on here. I’ve had such a lot of good advice and kindness sent my way and I’m really grateful.

@MaydinEssex I am feeling better than I was. Thank you, lovely.

@escapingthecity Yes, I’m an USDAW member. If I wanted to return I would involve them, but I’m just done with it now.

@ConfusedNT
”Society has let her down by allowing an environment where men get away with being abusive. The store has let her down by not having procedures in place to protect her. She has not let herself down by not being tough enough.”

Thank you for this, in particular. This, above, is why I haven’t answered any posts asking for my ‘solutions’. The only solution is for women to be protected from men that hate them. That’s not something my manager can implement, and that’s why I’m leaving. After 30 years of retail, on and off, I can’t face the thought of another day in a shop.

@Donnaslayer I don’t get sick pay other than SSP and I don’t qualify for benefits other than Carer’s Allowance. I’m a careful spender and I haven’t got children at home anymore. I’m lucky that I have a generous mum who will help if it comes to it. Thank you x

@IwantToRetire The domestic violence happened at home when I was growing up. I did have counselling years ago and the therapist told me that “these feelings are like bones; they grow with us, not out of us.” Confrontational men petrify me. I shake, I can’t breathe or speak properly and I just want to flee. I’ve been on anti-depressants for years and I don’t know if they still work. I probably should have a chat with my doctor.

My manager probably would write me a personal reference but not a work reference. The company won’t allow it; references come from Head Office and consist of confirmation of employment, beginning …, ending … And that is all! The more I write about my employers, the more I realise how much I despise them.

OP please don't resign. That's hurting yourself because this bastard has hurt you. I'm sorry for what you went through. And sorry that you work with such unsupportive people. But use this as the starting point for finding another job. Leave when you are ready. Don't give him the power to reset further stress for you.

There is no 'humiliation' in weeping. We are all human and we all cry when we're upset. You had an awful experience. Of course your were shaken and crying. Very natural and normal response.

There is a massive power imbalance between men and women due to the comparative size, voice resonance, physical and social power men wield. This is why women need to feel safe and have safe spaces for themselves away from men. She was prevented from going to a safe space and as the victim of domestic abuse as a child, it is understandable she cannot allow herself to be in such a situation again. That doesn’t mean she won’t be able to get another job.

Hi Op

Sorry to hear you had such shitty experience like that,

How can your work place expect loyalty to their company when they treat employees like yourself like this, !!!???

In all situations like this Companies should allways have employees safety back as its of paramount importance,

You are not just cogs in endless working wheel,
Robots 🤖 that are programmed to do and say what we want you to do etc ect,
Not what higher up people would be expected to put up with or something,

Really Angry 😠 that Security people were not called in to have a word with him,

That's says it all doesn't it,

They care about their fxckin stock of goods, Profit
Than shit about anything else really

It's Op threads like this ect,

Really makes me think wonder,
I wish they had a TripAdvisor type of thing, which was work related about people's experinces with various well known and not so well known companies ect,
And a star rating of how good and shit they are in different ways and how they can improve themselves,
Like they have for guests rating hotels /guest houses ect,

It would be obviously anonymous and also hot tel lines and websites, of various companies ect you can could whistle-blower anonymously

Sounds like www.glassdoor.co.uk

And OP, I'm sorry to hear this happened to you. You being told that you weren't allowed to leave the desk despite being in fear of possible physical abuse and security refusing to do anything are just unacceptable.

Please don't resign. Think about this for a day or so. Ring manager, ask for today off. Don't let one vile customer ruin it. When you have calmed down over the weekend you will talk to Dh and realise how you could have handled it better. Work on your self esteem to recognise that you are better than this. In hindsight maybe you should've walked away, said please don't talk to me in that way, and got a fellow colleague / manager to deal with him?

I would encourage you not to resign but to take a few days to think it over.

There is something here about unfair constructive dismissal due to your employer’s breach of a fundamental implied term in your contract - your health and safety at work. I’d also suggest you give ACAS a call. Assuming you’ve been there for 2 or more years.

Just want to send you a hug & to say hang on in there. Don’t resigns I’m so sorry things were so bad. This is not your shame but his.

I work in a customer facing role too OP. I can absolutely understand where you're coming from. Just wanted to send my support.

Your employer has a duty of care to prevent harm to you. That man's behaviour was disgusting. Report it, don't leave your job over sone tw@t. If he comes in again, don't serve him. Go to security and report him, get him banned. Problem solved and you don't need to loose your job.

Sending a hug xxx

It’s so depressing that manners and common courtesy are a thing of the past for so many these days. What fuels theee oriole and their behaviour I wonder. Imagine having to live with them.
I would be reporting this to your union and writing to the head of HR. It’s totally unacceptable that you are expected to just sit there and take abuse with no security back up. Is there no CCTV that the police should be looking at?

Sorry to hear this op the general public can be vile. The problem here isn't the customer it's the lack of backing from your colleagues. If it's not to late instead of resigning go off sick as it will give you longer to find another job. Good luck op x

I've been spat at, sworn at, threatened with rape (a particularly bad day) and had one charmer hold his fist in my face while screaming that I'm a fucking cunt. Dealing with the general public is shit.
I feel for you OP. Usually it's water off a ducks back to me but every now and then one of them gets under your skin and you can't shake what happened.

Course you did pet.

Sorry you had such a nasty experience OP. If you can manage it it could be worth calling in sick for a couple of days to clear you head if you're still feeling unsettled by the experience. It would mean you've taken time to confirm that resigning isn't a knee-jerk response.

Ignore the posters who come on a feminist board to basically tell a woman to get over unpleasant, intimidating male behaviour. It's a strange thing to do.

I think you’re acting completely in your best interests by resigning like this and leaving them in the lurch. I wouldn’t want to work an evening shift on a Friday night after the company has demonstrated complete disregard for my personal safety either.

it’s not the OP’s responsibility to stay and try to enforce policy change and this does end a powerful message to her shitty former employer. I work in recruitment and this is an extremely challenging market for companies, they are crying out for decent staff. This means it should be easier for OP (who has extensive experience) to get a new job, and it makes it more difficult for her ex employer to fill her role. Recruitment is also expensive so it will hit them in their wallet.

Why do people keep telling OP not to resign? Seems like she already has resigned.

It's appalling that a security guard claimed that he was there to protect the stock, not the staff.

Really sorry this happened to you, good luck with job hunting. I'm glad your mum can help out - I would definitely want to help my daughter out if she was in the same situation.

My 20yo dd faced similar once and said to the woman “do you know you’re being really fucking rude”. Certainly made the customer shut up. 😁🙈. Dd did get reported by the customer but her manager backed her up. Personally I’d like to see more staff feeling empowered to be able to tell nasty, bullying customers what they think.

Agree completely. On man threatened to be waiting for me at the end of my shift. I was terrified.

@TheEmperorIsNaked so sorry to read what you have been through, particularly the lack of support from work, that support can make all the difference. I was off work (NHS) with PTSD caused by a particularly vile tirade from a patient, I had counselling sessions with the Occupational health Consultant and he pointed out that even though we are public facing we are in caring roles, not security, and should not be expected to deal with this sort of abuse. Which was a very useful point as I had been thinking it was my lack of resilience that led to my inability to cope. It absolutely wasn't, and my role is not a punch bag for abusive people.
I also (eventually) got counselling via my GP (CBT) and I was surprised at how helpful that was.
So please seek support from other agencies, it is there even if absent from your workplace 💐

Totally agree. All staff must be able to protect themselves from verbal abuse and the threat of violence. I understand you may want to move on, OP, but - if you are a member of a union, please let them know.

I would speak to ACAS about your employers' behaviour and whether you can claim constructive dismissal.

To tell you that security will only protect stock and not staff is inappropriate and their failure to intervene is unacceptable.

Your employer has a duty to provide a safe environment for you to work in.