Just resigned due to abusive male ‘customer’. I feel so sad and humiliated.

[TheEmperorIsNaked]

Yesterday I tried to serve a man who, I think, had decided to act like a cunt before he entered the store. I did my best not to rise to it and tried to remain professional in the presence of what I can only describe as utter contempt from him. He called me names and threw paper at me and goaded me to call the police.

I called for security but they didn’t come. I have since been advised that they are employed to protect stock and not staff 😡.

I should have left my desk but I stupidly decided to follow previous instructions to never leave the desk unmanned. When he left he said, menacingly “You better not report me”.

After he’d gone and a colleague came to relieve me I burst into tears … In front of customers! I think the humiliation of that is what hurts the most. I then had to walk through the shop like that. I don’t know who saw me but I feel so ashamed; like I disgraced myself in public.

I left a note on my bosses desk explaining that I was leaving early. We spoke today and I told her that my husband would be delivering my resignation letter tomorrow and that I would not be able to work my notice period. She was very kind and offered solutions but I just can’t face going back in there. I’m terrified that this man will come back in again, but even if he doesn’t, some other nasty misogynist probably will.

I feel absolutely defeated.

You said to hold that belief and work in retail is "utter idiocy".

Oh, I get it alright. I may be a bit tougher though, one place I worked as hostess was in a Colorado mountain town where they have a carry in plain sight law. Carry in plain sight means you can carry a gun without a gun permit. You only need a gun permit if you are carrying concealed.

We literally had customers coming in with loaded guns in holsters on their belts. You can openly carry a loaded gun anywhere once 18 except for bars or banks or government offices.

Try dealing with an irate customer that is packing a 45 calibre semiautomatic handgun.

I didn’t say OP had that belief, I said the OP sounds new to retail.
I was more referring to the utopia posters who think because it’s unacceptable, it doesn’t happen.

it’s utter idiocy to work in that sector and expect there never ever to be an abusive customer ever.

Did you really, genuinely, get this from what OP has said? That she never expected there to be a single abusive customer?

Yes.

claiming I said OP had an “idiotic” belief when I said no such thing.

🤣🤣 I can cut and paste your words out of context too.

I'm so sorry, OP. What an utter shit.

The only person who's disgraced themself is him. And your employer should have your back.

OP I wouldn’t have been able to stay either. I wouldn’t have stayed because of the abysmal back up from the team. You’ve been let down by them. Problem is now you have no faith in the team. It would be silly to put yourself back into that situation. I get it 💐

Are you really coming on the feminism section to complain the OP, who has dealt with DV in the past, hasn't had to deal with aggressive men with guns so hasnt had it as bad as you?

Women shouldn't have to be 'tough enough' because some aggressive man decided she should be his verbal punching bag that day.

And I managed retail staff for 6 years and I would never have expected her to stay and be abused or for security to not come to her aid.

Society has let her down by allowing an environment where men get away with being abusive. The store has let her down by not having procedures in place to protect her. She has not let herself down by not being tough enough.

Retail jobs are generally staffed by women. And suprise suprise they get treated like shit (see also nurses). Going around treating those women with contempt if they can't cope with that as well as you just perpetuates the idea that lower paid women can be treated badly

Perhaps if more staff walked out when customers were abusive then the store would have been procedures in place to protect them

When I've worked in public facing roles where this kind of thing (potential violence, misogynist men) was an issue, we generally had signals and designated members of male staff who would step in and deal with the situation.

@Onnabugeisha Will you just give it a fucking rest please?

I am not new to retail, ok? And I don’t care for your thinly-veiled boasting on this thread. So you are mentally stronger than me. Brilliant! That must feel great!

You are undoubtedly braver than me, but your lack of sensitivity doesn’t make you an enviable character. Far from it.

To the poster that asked about whether I expected to experience abuse in retail: I think it depends on how you define ‘abuse’. I can handle shouting and insults as long as it’s not too personal. It did get personal yesterday and the names I was called were very hurtful. Plus his demeanour was chilling. Like he was on the verge of lashing out physically. It really shook me.

This is completely irrelevant to UK employment law.

Well it's the "I had to hostess and deal with big guns so what's wrong with you". Self centered.

OP what a horrible experience that must have been. But please don’t feel any humiliation or shame, that’s all on him. Your reaction comes from being a decent human being with feelings. Your manager needs to address the safety of staff . I wouldn’t resign. Have some time off and think about your options.

Employers have a duty of care towards your welfare. They failed by the sounds of it. I would explore employment tribunal and any union helplines.

OP it's a shame you resigned so quickly. I'd have taken some time off, ie, sick note from the Dr from stress and then saw how I'd felt after that (or looked for a other job while at least still being paid if you wanted to). Then before going back, speak to the manager at what security measures they will be putting in place so that something like this does not happen again. But what's done is done and you need to look after your own mental health and wellbeing. There's plenty of jobs out there that isn't customer facing. The general public can be nasty as sin 😒

I completely understand being shaken by the encounter. Absolutely disgusting behaviour from the "man".

OP, what would you have liked for the company to have done, to help you stay at work?

I do think the emotions OP, are somewhat clouding the decision making here.

Also, similar encounters will be abundant in the care setting. Depending on placement, worse than retail. So not so sure I'd head that way.

The resignation is as good as done now. Letter is written, uniforms washed, ironed and packed and staff ID cut-up. It’s all bagged up, ready for DH to return tomorrow. By leaving like this, I’m sending a (admittedly weak) message to my employers that I won’t put up with this. They will seriously struggle tomorrow night as I work until midnight on Fridays. That will not be an easy shift to cover but it’s no longer my problem. I don’t take any pleasure in this but hopefully they will recognise that this is a situation of their own making.

I'm not sure it will teach your employers a lesson- well a very short term one- a better lesson would be if you stayed and either forced them to change or took them on legally.
Also it sounds as if your manager has tried to help - she has offered solutions - do these not work? what would you want to be able to do in that situation?

can't you just take some time off to think about it?

Why did you resign? Did you like the job apart from this incident?

Well said. Onnabugeisha is displaying no empathy whatsoever. I’m very sorry you are going through this, and I hope you can take some encouragement from those who do have empathy.

Don't hand in your notice, ring in sick due to work related stress and go to your doctor tell them how its affected you and get signed off. If you get sick pay, it gives you and work time to think things over, maybe they'll make improvements, maybe after a few weeks you'll feel better about the incidence. All while in the meantime looking for another job. This could mean you won’t lose income or have to worry about claiming benefits. You wouldn't have to answer difficult questions from a new employer about why you resigned without another job to go to. If you still want to resign, you should work out your budget. This will tell you how long you’ll be able to manage for before you find another job. If it’s not for very long, it could be better to wait a bit longer before you resign.

If you or your partner get any benefits, check if stopping work will affect them. For example, you could get less Universal Credit for 3 months or longer if the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) says you didn’t have a good reason for resigning. This is called a sanction.

Contact your nearest Citizens Advice if you need to work out how your benefits might change.
They should be able to also check what other benefits you could get xxx

@Onnabugeisha - seriously can you not hear yourself and the impression you are giving.

OP has explained how this has impacted on her.

She has asked for support / help.

You may think she was wrong to react as she did, but this is what has happened.

Why would you want to add to her distress by tormenting her with your oh so superior behaviour.

If you found someone crying in the street, would you go up and shout at them.

Just stop.

Ring in sick. Take some time to get over the shock then ring ACAS.

Hi OP - so sorry this has happened to you.

And totally support you doing whatever feels best for you are the moment.

But just like to echo what others have said ie get advice from ACAS, and if you are not part of a union maybe with the help of your husband find information about worker's rights and safety. And see if there is anything in your contract or original job offer that lays out how your (ex)employers say they will ensure staff can work in safety. (Is it written down anywhere that security are for goods not staff?)

Also, and you may not want to do this, but as you have said part of your response was from your experience of domestic violence, maybe have a telephone consultation with your doctor / surgery. Not necessarily to ask for medication or anything, but to have it on record that this incident has has a servere impact on you. Also should it come about that you need to claim benefit while looking for other work, it will help your claim to show that you didn't just resign on a whim, but because of the behaviour of customers and the employer not having safety measures in place.

And it might sound strange, but is it possible that your manager would write you a reference?

Sorry probably going into too much detail.

But hope even if only for the first week of the holiday due, you can maybe take a few days to just act like being on holiday and get as much rest and comfort as you can.

Best wishes

OP firstly that is horrible and I am so sorry you went through it. Definitely consider self certify as sick tomorrow and have a phone consult with your GP. I understand you not wanting to go back and realistically that might be best for you, in the end. But going off sick is fair considering how shook up you are. It gives you time and you will still be getting paid.

A big company should have Occupational Health, which I think is relevant here. You have had an incident at work that has made you unfit for work. That is OH.