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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Bullying your mum isn't activism, magnificent Glosswitch response to creepy Novara media article

117 replies

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 04/01/2023 15:59

Apologies if this has its own thread already, I couldn't see one. Glosswitch has written yet another excellent article: thecritic.co.uk/Bullying-your-mum-isnt-activism/

It's a response to novaramedia.com/2022/12/24/how-i-deradicalised-my-terf-mum/ published on Christmas Eve. The very timing tells me all I need to know. The people on the right side of history, by their own lights. were sitting on the sofa reading this, nodding and punching the air in support of 'Will' and his chums, while their decrepit, simple-minded mothers, aunts and grandmothers, i.e. the Janets of this world, were toiling away peeling sprouts and checking the cooking instructions on the vegan roast they'd bought for the Novara Media subscriber, hoping against hope it would pass muster.

In short, 'Will', the male child, bullies his mum, 'Janet', who has had great difficulty accepting that her other child, born female, now identifies as a transman, by threatening that if she doesn't give up her 'transphobia', i.e. stubborn adherence to material reality and concern about health consequences of unevidenced hormone and surgical treatments, both of her children will cut her off and encourage all their friends and neighbours to do the same. Nice guy, huh?

Glosswitch nails what's going on here. I was pleased to see that so did dozens of other outraged people on Twitter.

The son “Will” is obviously proud of himself, even though what he is describing is a form of coercive control. Threatening to isolate a female relative unless she denies her perceptions of reality indicates he does not care that she may not believe what she is saying. All that matters is that she has been forced into line. This is not activism; it is patriarchy.

Amen to that! The Novara article was written by a woman, depressingly.

OP posts:
IwantToRetire · 04/01/2023 23:53

Thanks in a really sad way for posting this link. On one level I cant even believe it is true and not just media click bait.

But on the other hand am thinking what we need to do is start a thread that says something along the lines of:

If you know the woman whose son is excerting coersive control over her for being a "terf" advise her to report him to the police and ring Women's Aid for support

And we could just keep it high on the index link by saying we support you or terf mums are the best or domestic violence by boys against their mothers is a growing problem or all the adults who are egging on this domestic facist should be ashamed or themselves or Novara Media supports bullies or ....

Apart from not wanting any woman to experience this, I think the media needs to know their role isn't to make reporting the same as organising a roman circus, and they are wallowing in the gutter like the red tops.

The whole thing is deeply troubling and such an example of who being a TRA is just a cover for being an MRA. If her husband, the son's father is still in the picture he should also be reported.

IcakethereforeIam · 05/01/2023 00:00

Isn't coercive control a crime now?

Delphinium20 · 05/01/2023 07:23

I fear a very similar thing is happening to a friend of mine.

ArabellaScott · 05/01/2023 09:26

'With those children, he thought, that wretched woman must lead a life of terror. Another year, two years, and they would be watching her night and day for symptoms of unorthodoxy. Nearly all children nowadays were horrible. What was worst of all was that by means of such organizations as the Spies they were systematically turned into ungovernable little savages, and yet this produced in them no tendency whatever to rebel against the discipline of the Party. On the contrary, they adored the Party and everything connected with it. '

1984, Orwell

DameMaud · 05/01/2023 09:34

Really appreciating (and simultaneously disturbed by) your very apt 1984 quotes this morning @ArabellaScott .

Volkswagenitalia · 05/01/2023 09:39

I saw that vile little Novara article a couple of weeks ago when Owen Jones unsurprisingly shared it. I thought maybe it was supposed to be ironic but I don't think it was!

Waitwhat23 · 05/01/2023 09:47

ArabellaScott · 05/01/2023 09:26

'With those children, he thought, that wretched woman must lead a life of terror. Another year, two years, and they would be watching her night and day for symptoms of unorthodoxy. Nearly all children nowadays were horrible. What was worst of all was that by means of such organizations as the Spies they were systematically turned into ungovernable little savages, and yet this produced in them no tendency whatever to rebel against the discipline of the Party. On the contrary, they adored the Party and everything connected with it. '

1984, Orwell

I've only just been able to bring myself to read the Novara article and it was enraging as expected.

This quote sums it up horribly well - I don't think TRA's quite understand that 1984 isn't meant to be an instruction manual.

ArabellaScott · 05/01/2023 09:49

DameMaud · 05/01/2023 09:34

Really appreciating (and simultaneously disturbed by) your very apt 1984 quotes this morning @ArabellaScott .

I was specifically looking for one about education, but keep finding other pertinent ones relating to other issues. Not sure this is happy synchronicity, tbh.

Boiledbeetle · 05/01/2023 10:42

“But you can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. It can't last.”

― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

Boiledbeetle · 05/01/2023 11:09

And this just gives me the chills when I think of what is currently happening to woman.

“It doesn't matter what you do...so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away.”
― Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451

1953! 70 years ago he wrote this book!

I'll stop now.

Abhannmor · 05/01/2023 11:23

NotTerfNorCis · 04/01/2023 19:58

Would serve Will right if his own kids signed up for a fanatical political cause, not just any cause but one he was rationally and emotionally opposed to. And they gave him an ultimation: either you sign up too, or we're going no-contact. You can grow old on your own. Except that's a cruel thing to wish on anyone.

Ha! I read an piece about New Age Travellers who settled in County Cork. The writer asked some teenage offspring if they would continue the lifestyle. They were a bit unenthusiastic.

' Fuck that ' said one lad ' I want a house and a job'. Gotta be a rebel eh...

VortexofBloggery · 05/01/2023 11:29

Transology giving Scientology a masterclass here; such widespread fear of social ostracism ! Solidarity with Janet. You're a good mum and you'll be there for your daughter when/if she destransitions.

Abhannmor · 05/01/2023 11:46

LaughingPriest · 04/01/2023 20:28

You just know that all this would be over in a week if all mums came out as non binary.

Now you said it ! The kids used to freak if we pretended to cry. That's not meant to ever happen.

' I want you to call me dad from now on' would be interesting.

BettyFilous · 05/01/2023 13:08

Abhannmor · 05/01/2023 11:46

Now you said it ! The kids used to freak if we pretended to cry. That's not meant to ever happen.

' I want you to call me dad from now on' would be interesting.

…”But only at home because I don’t feel safe expressing my masculine gender identity outside of my home yet.” G’wan Janet.

LK1972 · 05/01/2023 13:18

@Abhannmor Interestingly that's exactly how I stopped one of my teenagers from attempting to compel me to use the 'correct' pronouns for their friends (when the friends in question are nowhere in sight! When these friends are here the issue doesn't arise, unsurprisingly, as I address them directly with 'you').

I threatened to become a transman and insist on them calling me Dad, refer to me as 'he' etc, with an option of being 'gender-fluid' in the future! I was lucky that I knew my husband would back me in this, and after some consideration (and further discussion on freedom of speech vs compelled speech) the teenager backed off. I don't try and rub their face in it, and generally stick to friends' names, but certainly don't get shouted at for 'misgendering' if I use the correct pronouns.

Poor Janet, she's a victim of coercive control from her own children, as others already said!

Ereshkigalangcleg · 05/01/2023 13:31

"Will" is a nasty, controlling little shit. I'm sorry Janet, if you're reading. I hope Will is reading too, so he can hear how utterly contemptible he is, whether it penetrates his addled brain or not.

"Bullyporn" is a perfect term, and 100% the motivation behind the execrable Novara Media publishing this article.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 05/01/2023 13:51

@LK1972 Wine

EsmaCannonball · 05/01/2023 14:25

He hasn't changed his mother's mind; he has made her submit. And the worst thing is, he is so delighted with cowing her.

Janet, if you are reading this, disinherit him. Seriously. You have the power. If you have it to leave, leave every single penny, the house, car, everything, to a donkey sanctuary. Do it in a way that can't be contested, and ask them to name the donkeys after famous feminists. When he's being a self-righteous, pompous, controlling so-and-so, just smile and think of lovely, sweet Germaine and JK getting an extra helping of carrots while he fumes.

IcakethereforeIam · 05/01/2023 14:30

Yes, Janet leave your money to asses, not to an ass.🐴

Abhannmor · 05/01/2023 15:57

@LK1972 Brilliant 🥂.

Oddly enough it was my kids who turned me GC . They'd already worked it out while I was 'being kind'.

I was complaining about Glinner letting the side down. Then one of them sent me a link to Riley Dennis and others.

nilsmousehammer · 05/01/2023 16:16

EsmaCannonball · 05/01/2023 14:25

He hasn't changed his mother's mind; he has made her submit. And the worst thing is, he is so delighted with cowing her.

Janet, if you are reading this, disinherit him. Seriously. You have the power. If you have it to leave, leave every single penny, the house, car, everything, to a donkey sanctuary. Do it in a way that can't be contested, and ask them to name the donkeys after famous feminists. When he's being a self-righteous, pompous, controlling so-and-so, just smile and think of lovely, sweet Germaine and JK getting an extra helping of carrots while he fumes.

This.

I'm afraid he is an abusive male who is into coercive control and is absolutely loving every minute of it. There is zero difference between this behaviour and that of the partners on the relationships board that women are helping other women to escape.

Usernamechange986 · 05/01/2023 18:11

Bit sad to read all these comments. I found the son's narrative really easy to relate to - my Dbro came out as gay 20 years ago and my parents were not ok with it at all. At first he wasn't allowed in the house, and then was welcomed back but never allowed to bring partners or even talk about them, and while my DM was nice to his face, she often held forth to me about how he was mentally ill and she was praying for him.

I pretty much took the approach of the son in the article and ended up telling her she accepted her gay son or she'd lose her gay son and straight daughter. Apparently that was coercive control but I'm not sure what else I should have done. Just nodded and smiled and said 'good luck at church. I'm sure he'll meet the right girl soon' and potentially lost my Dbro? Or just quietly ghosted her and gone NC as soon as I left home? I think people commenting here are wildly unrealistic if they think it's sustainable for a dynamic of "I don't accept your identity and will tell you this repeatedly. Please pass the potatoes and don't talk back" to continue indefinitely within a family, esp as the younger generation move into adulthood.

LaughingPriest · 05/01/2023 18:23

Sorry to hear that, user. I assume by "gay" you mean "same-sex attracted" rather than "same gender-identity attracted"?

If your parents had said the latter was fine, but the former was the equivalent of racism, would that have been ok?
(That is the view of Stonewall's CEO).

FunnyTalks · 05/01/2023 18:25

Not read the Novara article, but I find the gay comparison in poor taste in general with trans stories. Many of the kids coming out as trans are actually gay and a trans identity is a way of coping with sexism and homophobia at home or in society. This is especially true with transmen. In certain groups trans identities are more accepted than being a young lesbian. And just imagine being a young lesbian who dares Google that term.

SammyScrounge · 05/01/2023 18:32

NothingTraLaLa · 04/01/2023 16:52

I think this extract from the Novara article sums up the TRA movement quite nicely. Emotion over reason (because heaven knows reason and logic are absent in much of the ideology):

“To me, the moral of the story seems clear: people aren’t convinced by reason but by emotion. When it comes to talking down your rightwing relatives, your biggest leverage isn’t the Marx you’ve read, but your relationship with them. Remember that before going all guns blazing into Christmas dinner.”

Remember too that some old people have property to leave when they die. In Janet'' s
shoes I'd play along but change my will.