Am I a TERF?

155 replies

PurplePalms · 28/12/2022 14:11

Discovered today a family member (male) is dating a transwoman.

Absolutely no idea on the status of her transition, hormones/surgery etc. as that’s her business. I have met her a handful of times and she is polite and pleasant. A very nice person.

My family member doesn’t know I know because …

I was having a snoop at her Facebook page, saw old posts and photos from when she was younger living as a male and recently saw a post from her stating “Transmen are real men. Transwomen are real women”.

This just didn’t sit right with me.

For what it’s worth, I’d consider myself quite liberal. I don’t discriminate on sexuality, race, age, gender etc. If you’re born a man and feel like you want to medically transition and vice Versa, that’s fine, do your thing and accept you’re trans.

BUT, to then say you are a real woman. Even though you were born genetically male and (most likely) have male genitalia- you can’t be a real woman? You can’t possibly understand how it feels to be a woman. Hormonally, emotionally, physically and socially.

Part of me feels awful for feeling this way. Like I am a bad person. Obviously I would never say to her face “you are not a real woman” never in a million years would I want to cause someone upset, start drama etc. Am I a terf? Do I sound awful?

OP posts:

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 31/12/2022 19:17

I found the thread: www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4658806-hospital-refuses-to-operate-after-woman-requests-all-female-care?page=1

Helleofabore · 31/12/2022 19:23

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 31/12/2022 19:12

Multiple people have addressed this, and I won't repeat their points.

However, how come you were so vehement on another thread that women in hospital didn't have the right to refuse intimate care from male staff? For the avoidance of confusion, intimate care includes washing of the genital area.

You expressed no sympathy for the woman who was in a consultation room, having pre-op checks done, (which due to the nature of her operation would require her partially disrobing) when a male trans-identifying member of staff, not involved in her care, barged in on her, past the shut door.

I don't remember a word from you about the importance of respecting boundaries like shut doors then. Is it because boundaries are only for some people?

Show quote history

It takes a certain type of person to lecture women on etiquette, and social mores too, when the same poster talks over Māori women AND victim blames a older man for his own assault where he was assaulted peacefully protesting at an event that he was instrumental in starting in the first place.

NeighbourhoodWatchPotholeDivision · 31/12/2022 19:39

I'd forgotten that!

Helleofabore · 31/12/2022 20:10

When a person shows you who they are, believe them.

There is no stopping some posters from showing who they are time and time again, with each post. I think it remarkable that readers get such a great live demonstration.

Boiledbeetle · 31/12/2022 21:17

JellySaurus · 31/12/2022 19:05

But are plains identifying as nature woodworking or aviation gender?

Aviation, of course. And don't you question my spelling.

(Though on Tuesdays and Fridays transplainers identify as transhandsomers.)

And on alternative Wednesday's the aviation plains (sighs and we accuse others of mangling the language) identify as apache helicopter 🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁🚁

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