Am I a TERF?

[PurplePalms]

Discovered today a family member (male) is dating a transwoman.

Absolutely no idea on the status of her transition, hormones/surgery etc. as that’s her business. I have met her a handful of times and she is polite and pleasant. A very nice person.

My family member doesn’t know I know because …

I was having a snoop at her Facebook page, saw old posts and photos from when she was younger living as a male and recently saw a post from her stating “Transmen are real men. Transwomen are real women”.

This just didn’t sit right with me.

For what it’s worth, I’d consider myself quite liberal. I don’t discriminate on sexuality, race, age, gender etc. If you’re born a man and feel like you want to medically transition and vice Versa, that’s fine, do your thing and accept you’re trans.

BUT, to then say you are a real woman. Even though you were born genetically male and (most likely) have male genitalia- you can’t be a real woman? You can’t possibly understand how it feels to be a woman. Hormonally, emotionally, physically and socially.

Part of me feels awful for feeling this way. Like I am a bad person. Obviously I would never say to her face “you are not a real woman” never in a million years would I want to cause someone upset, start drama etc. Am I a terf? Do I sound awful?

💩💩💩

Ooh that wasn't the one i meant to do.meh

I shouldn’t be surprised that the same culture which produced the expression curtain twitcher engages in the digital equivalent.

Some lessons in consent would useful here. Finding an unlocked drawer does not give you consent to examine its contents. I expect that you use exactly the same justifications to peruse the contents of bathroom cabinets when you’re invited into other people’s homes.

Yuck!

I think what is ‘yuck’ is your very obvious disdain for woman who disagree with you land.

Actually, scrap the ‘who disagree with you’ part of the sentence and it will be more accurate, I think.

After all the posts about Elaine boiled and my lack of sleep (which I know you understand well), I read public as pubic.

And I thought you might have designed a merkin with writing on to protest with!

Well… that would be different, wouldn’t it boiled? I am not sure that would work as well though …

@landOFconfusion it's not the same at all, that's a very poor analogy.

The persons Facebook page is in the public domain. Just as I can search Mn for all your posts to make a judgement about your character.

That's what engaging in social media creates - reduced privacy on the content creators terms. Whether you like it or not, makes no difference.

Is it that surprising that a culture that takes offence at curtain twitching and the viewing of a public Facebook pages also says it’s rude for little girls to stare when confronted by a semi-erect penis in a female changing room? “We will do as we please in public and you must overt your eyes and stay silent”

Yes yo, the equivalent of a person putting their own content on line and monitoring content that they are tagged would is very clearly going to be the one who has a sign on their drawers and bathroom cupboard saying ‘open me and have a look’!

The curtain twitcher could be getting close. But considering the language used, the misogynistic intent conveyed in using a visual so often associated with women, I think the message is clear that it was not used just as an equivalent. Because the term also conveys that the person is malicious, rather than merely observing what is in the public sphere. And of course, it could imply viewing into other people’s houses where they have an expectation of privacy.

Privacy that is waived with the self publishing of content while not using the available privacy settings.

so the looking out the window analogy is not a good fit either. But better maybe than the others.

It is clearer still though that some posters really get infuriated with women who disagree with them.

Is it that surprising that a culture that takes offence at curtain twitching and the viewing of a public Facebook pages also says it’s rude for little girls to stare when confronted by a semi-erect penis in a female changing room? “We will do as we please in public and you must overt your eyes and stay silent”

I think Signal hits the nail pretty spot on with THIS analogy though!

I look forward to confusion working through this analogy in their next post.

Helle, I think I got a whole uninterrupted 3 hours last night, but then I was bloody shattered.

It did say pubic all the way through!!!! ...and then just as my finger hovered over the post button I saw it. Of course it used to highlight too me as a wrong word. But that unsurprisingly after recent threads doesnt happen anymore.

Anyway stop reading this pubic 😏post

Avert your eyes
Avert your eyes
Pubic words are on display
Are no-ones pubes private these days

for you , Boiled.

🛌and a really comfy ones of these for you, with nice fresh bedding and no interruptions or snoring partners your end @Helleofabore

They added me as a friend.

It’s social media. We all control what we put on our own profiles. It is in no way violating boundaries.

You need to toughen up and stay off the internet if looking at profiles offends you.

Transplaining

Looks and sounds so much like mansplaining. Do they have the same original origin. I wonder what is the connection between these two words.

Can't believe the boundaries that are being broken here. LandofConfusion deliberately came on to Mumsnet and read a post about what PurplePalms was doing on Facebook? Grossly intrusive, if you ask me.

Yes OP is a TERF as she seems to be able to recognise reality.

If we don’t know how it feels to be any other woman, how would a man know what it is like to be a woman?

How dare you link transplaining to mansplaining! Mansplaining is something only men do. Transplaining is...erm...um...transplains are plains, you bigot!

You are even worse you came on mumsnet deliberately read a post about LandofConfusion deliberately came on to Mumsnet and read a post about what PurplePalms was doing on Facebook? Grossly intrusive, if you ask me.

But are plains identifying as nature woodworking or aviation gender?

I won’t read anything they post anymore- I respect their boundaries too much 🙏

Holy shit @landOFconfusion THEY ADDED HER AS A FRIEND.

"LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME"

Familiar, at all?

Oh for a hide poster button. Do you get one if you actually pay? It would be worth it.

Until then pretend you are in the ladies changing rooms and

AVERT YOUR EYES DO NOT LOOK AT THE PENI....I MEAN POST

But are plains identifying as nature woodworking or aviation gender?

Aviation, of course. And don't you question my spelling.

(Though on Tuesdays and Fridays transplainers identify as transhandsomers.)

Multiple people have addressed this, and I won't repeat their points.

However, how come you were so vehement on another thread that women in hospital didn't have the right to refuse intimate care from male staff? For the avoidance of confusion, intimate care includes washing of the genital area.

You expressed no sympathy for the woman who was in a consultation room, having pre-op checks done, (which due to the nature of her operation would require her partially disrobing) when a male trans-identifying member of staff, not involved in her care, barged in on her, past the shut door.

I don't remember a word from you about the importance of respecting boundaries like shut doors then. Is it because boundaries are only for some people?