Detransitioners: put the fatted calf away please.

[TinselAngel]

For some time I have been predicting that when our exes begin to detransition it will result in just another round of attention and sympathy causing further silencing of trans widows

www.theblaze.com/news/former-transgender-navy-seal-announces-de-transition-says-he-was-propagandized-and-pulled-into-a-cult-everyone-is-converting-all-these-kids-into-transgender#toggle-gdpr

100% the usual AGP story, tried on sisters clothes in adolescence, got married, had kids, successful career, late transitioner yada yada yada

profilesinpride.com/kristin-beck-coming-out-as-transgender-navy-seal/

If detransitioners are serious about atoning for the damage they have done to themselves and others,they need to have a long and serious period of reflection and learning. Swapping the affirmation of one side of the debate for the other does nobody any favours. Least of all us.

And we as a movement need to help this by being circumspect in our treatment of detransitioners and not acting like the love bombing cult that they claim to have left.

We would also do well to remember the binge and purge cycle that all wives of cross dressers are familiar with, and consider that if (when) this carries over in to “detransition”, their detransitioning is likely to at best, fluctuate.

So put the fatted calf away please.
Misogyny is still misogyny, fetishes are still fetishes, narcissism is still narcissism and none of these are magically cured in five minutes.

This is why, at Trans Widows Voices we have to hold the line, and take a position that people on “our side” have already called “harsh” and “cruel”.If we laud one detransitioner as not like the other boys, we dismiss validity of the stories of the women and children in their past

Many people have slowly realised that we were right when we told them that their platforming and lauding of so called “reasonable transexual allies” excluded women, and sure enough those allies proceeded to gradually show us exactly who they are.
For the love of the goddess let’s not make the same mistake twice.

That's powerful testimony, thanks Tinsel

I've copied it over from my twitter, if it sounds a bit grandiose.

A thought provoking, uncomfortable and necessary post Tinsel.

As women we are used to having to work harder to be listened to and believed particularly when we talk about anything affecting women and girls. This in large part was how prominent transwomen who ‘seemed’ to agree with us received so much support from women, but as you pointed out we’ve found many (probably all) of these prominent transwomen have used us for their own purposes and at least one has got a prominent second career out of ‘speaking for women’ whilst their trans widow largely suffers in silence.

Detransitioner stories can be powerful as they demonstrate much of the dangers that we’ve warned against. But I agree they need to be used with great care, and we must not allow the detransitioners to become spokespeople for us. We should also be mindful that whatever reasons led them to being susceptible to being drawn into one cause may lead them to ‘seeking’ the praise and profile of another. That serves neither them nor the cause of womens rights.

I wonder how much internalised misogyny leads us to amplify males and even those who identified as males voices above our own as we fight for womens rights?

Fantastic post

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Here's the thread on Twitter:

twitter.com/transwidows/status/1598977343032172544

Well worth sharing.

Two things struck me with this: firstly, I want to be special and now all the kids are doing it and so I'm not special any more.

And - and this is not to downplay @TinselAngel's experiences at all, what but what you're talking about is the expectation that women are men's support animals. We need to support them into transition; we need to support them out of transition cos Be Kind. Which of course is bullshit, but equally no surprise.

I just read and replied to the thread on twitter. It's all about the male chasing the next fix of attention and having his needs put before anyone else.

Trans is now so "mainstream" and so "detrans" is the next method

So it wasn’t actually realising their true inner person, the person they have always been then. I’m amazed. Just as well they didn’t try to realise their true inner person with irreversible surgery, isn’t it ( the sort their confreres are advocating for confused girls)?

Wise and powerful words Tinsel, and we would all do well to heed them.

I read the article and I can't muster up any sympathy for this attention seeking man.

Round of applause Tinsel.

Detrainitioners have a very important role to play in highlighting the brainwashing and cult-like aspects of gender ideology.
I will not denounce Detrainitioners or disregard what they have to say in the slightest. Young females who detrans from a transmale identity, or young gay males who experienced gender dysphoria then came to terms with their effeminate gay male identity.
These people need to be heard. Their stories are important.

At the same time- Recognise an AGP when you see one.
I don't give a damn about a bloke's fetish or if they changed their minds about going public about their fetish. These people are not worth a bat of my eyelid.

Oh an uncomfortable conversation. Yes!

Well I'm avoiding thinking of it...

I think a friend of mine is detransitioning. On the one hand I struggle to forgive this individual for the abuse of my trust and for insulting my intelligence but then again what's the point of bearing a grudge?

One thing I can't do is pretend it never happened... but there's a need for some brushing under the carpet so we can move on...

I'm conflicted... they found it so easy to throw me under the bus and dismiss my views and see me as evil. I feel like a pushover.

Yes, just as we have different demographics transitioning for different reasons, so we have different demographics de-transitioning for different reasons. It really doesn't serve anyone well to treat this as one homogeneous group.

Great post.

Many people have slowly realised that we were right when we told them that their platforming and lauding of so called “reasonable transexual allies” excluded women, and sure enough those allies proceeded to gradually show us exactly who they are.

And this is why I cannot get on board with certain prominent GC figures who insist on force teaming me with Hayton, Cohn and other similar men.

All good points, Tinsel.

Well said Tinsel

Hmmm
Food for thought, certainly the love bombing thing makes me very uncomfortable.

Hey Tinsel, I’ve literally just read your post on Twitter and came here to see if there was any comment.

I’ve got to say, I love the way you give me a good slap around the face to bring me to my senses when I start to become emotionally manipulated.

I don’t think you get enough credit for the valuable service you provide on that front!

I've had years of practice of being emotionally manipulated myself!

Has your friend ever apologised for the hurt they caused you? If not, how can they expect you to resume your friendship? And without acknowledgement of the hurt done to you, do you still want this person as a friend?

Certainly uncomfortable, yes, and that's a hallmark of actual safeguarding - nothing is so bad it can't be talked about.

I see a significant difference though between men detransitioning following an adult transition - and yes, having received all the support and attention and listening and nurture one way into the process there will be those who'll prove the next wave of it through detransitioning, where the process/action is what gets the need met - and what I am afraid is going to be a wave of distraught young women who were the ones caught up in this as it swept through schools cheered on by the likes of Mermaids and 'allies'.

As we've seen already from several brave enough to speak out, this group is likely to include young women with badly damaged bodies, damaged health, lost fertility and chance for children and family, and the emotional harm of the trauma and anger of suffering all this from adults who should have been able to be the adult in the situation. Love bombing; no. Women don't treat other women like that much; look on the relationships board any time to see the tough love and expectations women hold for other women going through hell. But certainly I'm grimly prepared to help with whatever resources or funding or legal cases those women may come to need. They will get no help at all from the TQ+ politically controlled groups.

At last a brilliant post that shows the damage people go through when jumping on the band wagon.

None of this help and support should come at the detriment of the transwidows and it should never fuel the narc supply of the males who have already left a trail of harm