Detransitioners: put the fatted calf away please.

[TinselAngel]

For some time I have been predicting that when our exes begin to detransition it will result in just another round of attention and sympathy causing further silencing of trans widows

www.theblaze.com/news/former-transgender-navy-seal-announces-de-transition-says-he-was-propagandized-and-pulled-into-a-cult-everyone-is-converting-all-these-kids-into-transgender#toggle-gdpr

100% the usual AGP story, tried on sisters clothes in adolescence, got married, had kids, successful career, late transitioner yada yada yada

profilesinpride.com/kristin-beck-coming-out-as-transgender-navy-seal/

If detransitioners are serious about atoning for the damage they have done to themselves and others,they need to have a long and serious period of reflection and learning. Swapping the affirmation of one side of the debate for the other does nobody any favours. Least of all us.

And we as a movement need to help this by being circumspect in our treatment of detransitioners and not acting like the love bombing cult that they claim to have left.

We would also do well to remember the binge and purge cycle that all wives of cross dressers are familiar with, and consider that if (when) this carries over in to “detransition”, their detransitioning is likely to at best, fluctuate.

So put the fatted calf away please.
Misogyny is still misogyny, fetishes are still fetishes, narcissism is still narcissism and none of these are magically cured in five minutes.

This is why, at Trans Widows Voices we have to hold the line, and take a position that people on “our side” have already called “harsh” and “cruel”.If we laud one detransitioner as not like the other boys, we dismiss validity of the stories of the women and children in their past

Many people have slowly realised that we were right when we told them that their platforming and lauding of so called “reasonable transexual allies” excluded women, and sure enough those allies proceeded to gradually show us exactly who they are.
For the love of the goddess let’s not make the same mistake twice.

More sympathy for a Chris beck than for AliVee ? Really?

I'm not sure who Alivee is but yes way way more sympathy for detransitioners in general compared to trans widows. Lots of the detransitioners were kids when it first started. The trans widows were adults. The detransitioners bodies are ruined. Many are infertile. No sexual functioning. There is no comparison in the level of trauma inflicted nor in the long term impact.

Why are you trying to hierarchise this? It's not Top Trumps.

Have you actually tried listening to Trans Widows voices? You know, the people who had no agency over what happened to them and had their own histories rewritten to suit the selfish demands of a sexual fetish?

I'm not sure who Alivee is
Maybe RTFT thread then, or judging by your post, any of the thread.

I do feel a good deal of sympathy for the deluded, misled youngsters. They do need support, but not 'love bombing'

But the guy in the OP, the ones who are the sole reason transwidows exist... RTFT before making glib comparisons maybe?

The trans widows were adults.
No sympathy for our kids then?

Thank you! And I did reach out to Vaishnavi and we had a really nice chat.

The young 'detransitioners' break my heart. Those young lives and healthy boodies irreversibly damaged.

In this context, 'detransitioners' needs to be in gquotes as they can't actually detransitiin. They can't grow back healthy body parts or reverse the damage done by puberty blockers and cross sex hormones.

Unlike middle aged AGPs, they haven't wrecked havoc on other peoples' lives either.

They can ask for all the support they want as far as I'm concerned.

With you on middle aged AGPs though.

Unlike middle aged AGPs, they haven't wrecked havoc on other peoples' lives either

I wonder whether their parents, siblings, friends, teachers etc would agree with that statement

I think I would rephrase that to say

Unlike middle aged AGPs, they haven't wrecked as much havoc on other peoples' lives either

They have caused the same distress and despair as those with mental health problems, alcohol or drug dependency do to those who love and/or care about them.

Not deliberate and causing no more suffering than they experience themselves, I would say.

They haven't married, shared assets, had a family with someone while cross dressing in secret only to make a stunning and brave disclosure years or decades down the line.

It's a qualitatively different type of havoc.

I am not at all sure that their parents, siblings and wider family would agree that there's been no harm done.

The parallels with caring for a child with anorexia, with all the attended pressures on family, the time and attention and high emotion, the fear and trauma generated by those involved and having to live alongside anorexia as an illness? It's quite striking.

But yes, extremely different to the multiple forms of abuse and grief suffered by transwidows. One thing this whole awful political nightmare has shown me is that forced teaming is never positive. It matters that each voice or group of voices has their own space, their own time to be heard, and to be enough in themselves, without trying to fit other groups in on top and blurring everyone's voice and situation in the process.

It matters that each voice or group of voices has their own space, their own time to be heard, and to be enough in themselves, without trying to fit other groups in on top and blurring everyone's voice and situation in the process.
And without the dismissive attitudes that some, especially the transwidows and their children, so often encounter. Even here.

I think I will always have empathy for the groomed children, many of them with autism, who have lost the language that describes who they are and fallen prey to false identities. They will have damaged those around them, of course, and I empathise with those families, too.

I think my empathy for transwidows is in the same league as my empathy for all domestic abuse survivors.

I'd agree that anything that could look like love bombing is going to be unhelpful in every way.

It's helpful to discuss ways of offering support without falling into that pattern of behaviour.

We have to be careful of our gut reactions on this. Every time we react, it's to a story we've mainly made up in our head, based on our own experiences. That sweet little lad next door that used to be so horribly bullied... The little girl whose dad wished he'd had a son... That awful man that wanked over his kids' underwear.

There's no one size fits all. Some detransitioners deserve all support in the world. Others don't.

I think given the amount of time that young transitioners spend on social media, berating other people for not wanting to sleep with them (due to "transphobia"), there will be stories to tell about partners.

nilsmousehammer if you ready second post, you'll see that's exactly what I said.

I haven't seen anything remotely like that among the detransistioners I follow Tinsel but no doubt the tragically ever growing category of detransistioners or the alternative less keen on cross dressing now types contains many different people. There are so many of them now.

I agree that it's necessary not to lump people together. A late teen/early 20s young person who was taken in by a cult and wrecked irreversible harm on their body before they were legally old enough to drive has a completely different set of life experiences to the middle aged AGPs.

There's no one size fits all. Some detransitioners deserve all support in the world. Others don't.

Thanks to PPs who are pointing this out. Wen you hear some stories (Ritchie Herron, Sinead Watson) you realise this.

And to be very clear - I have little sympathy for the kind of 'detransitioner' featured in the article linked in the OP. Men like that think they can parade their paraphilia, and then find out all is not rosy - no sympathy for this. It's his wife & children who need the support.

So not all detransitioners are the same, just as we know - from ay Blanchard's work - that not all transitioners are the same.

Reading Richie's posts on Twitter to women, I'm not sure he deserves our support either

I'm really not interested in working out who is deserving of our help and who isn't, its as bad as debating whop 'passes' and who doesn't. We aren't therapists. We signpost people in distress to therapists, we don't love bomb them and call it support.

I’m not sure what an AGP is, but I can tell you a significant amount of havoc was generated. It is still be generated. So much so that I, his children, his siblings, and his parents, and various ex-wives, are still dealing with the BS from the initial transition, and now the detransitioning. And he was middle-aged when the whole thing started!
My frustration is that Chris/Kristin is a narcissist and nearly everything is a show. He does not really care about children. He’s a pro at creating a talk track used to generate controversy. He’s also commandeered a classic term used to describe narcissistic behavior (love bombing) and is now flipping it to use as something that was done to him.
Also, the LGBTQ/Trans community paid his bills and celebrated him for a full decade, but because he has no use for it anymore, he’s just tossing it. There will always be trans people, and also detransitioners, and they deserve help/support, but this dude is making it harder for them to get it, even though they filled his cup when it was empty.

I’m not sure what an AGP is,
Oh my sweet summer child

web.archive.org/web/20190617021707/medium.com/{mention:sue}.donym1984/the-elephant-in-the-room-dc822144a81b

Oh I Googled it! Heh! Chris definitely fit into that category.

Hi. My life has been turned upside down by this. My husband, after 28 years of normal marriage, 3 beautiful children, has announced he is and always has been a trans woman. I have absolutely no support from anyone. Is there a tread where other women like me can talk even meet up for support? Sorry to jump on here but I don't know what to do....