As a late diagnosed autistic adult female this thread is hitting some nerves.
Firstly, re. wanting to control people's behaviour - the reason autistic people like routine, or predictable/expected behaviour in others, is because then they don't have to use up very limited energy and brainpower working out how to deal with the unexpected. Using up this extra energy can be the thing that tips one into meltdown/shutdown, which I can only describe as a sort of all over deep psychic (and sort of physical) pain that completely overwhelms. Of course we want to avoid this. So someone behaving unpredictability is infuriating when they could have just behaved in the expected way!
Secondly, re. not wanting parents involved. This is a complex thing and I understand there are strong feelings on both sides. But it comes from not wanting to have people speak FOR you, often inaccurately or with judgement or odd interpretations of your behaviour. It's hard enough to speak up for yourself without having to also speak over someone with more clout who's getting it wrong. There is obviously a big issue here around the way that "autism" covers a huge range of difficulties and it's bonkers to lump in people like myself (with completely different needs) with someone who does actually need someone to advocate for them.
I can see why PPs might see this as an extension of the TRA narrative of separating children from their parents, but it's been around a lot longer and comes from a different root. Additionally it tends to crop up between autistic adults and parents of autistic children. There's already an issue with people thinking of autism as a childhood thing, whilst adults are left adrift without support or services so obviously do not want these parents speaking for them (us). As well as how deeply painful it is to be considered difficult or a burden, which is obviously how it is for such parents.
So I'd be worried about throwing the baby out with the bathwater on this one - autistic people do need to be able to speak for themselves where possible and not be harmed by others' misinterpretations. However when we are talking about safeguarding children of course parents should be involved. Just like with neurotypical children.
Thirdly, the "autism as a gift" idea. I can actually see where this is coming from. I'm in an online group for autistic women and many of us have this experience... We are thoughtful, try to be kind to others, sensitive, and often empathetic at an instinctive/feeling level, if not cognitively. Also a strong sense of justice and fairness. Not mercenary. It strikes me the world would be a much nicer place if everyone was like this! But of course it's disabling if you're out of step with the majority!
Finally I'd just like to say that there are many gender critical autistic women (I don't know about men). But we hide out together because mainstream groups are captured.
Oh, and finally finally (!) I'd like to say I am utterly sick of TRA autistic males who somehow have lots of support around them to do the boring bits of life so they get to have all the fun, whilst autistic females struggle to cope because we have to do real life. It makes me think of the way men can have children and a high flying career because there's a woman at home taking care of everything... Autistic women seem to do their own household and organisational stuff whilst the males seem much more likely to have someone else taking care of all that. I'd love to know if there's any research/stats on this...