National Autistic Society - yikes

[NotPurpleAnymore]

There's a lot of discussion about autistic people saying they identify as trans.

Here is an article currently being promoted on Twitter by the NAS twitter.com/Autism/status/1588508665308667905?t=RsbiDJqsNfDKGq9u0fCwig&s=19

To my mind, it seems to be celebrating top surgery and conflating this woman's late autism diagnosis with her decision that she is non binary.

Lots of talk about 'being seen'.

Does this make anyone else feel very uncomfortable? I think the unquestioning nature of the article makes it irresponsible.

There are factions in the online autism community that are absolutely batshit and attack parents at the drop of a hat but there are also sane and supportive autistic adults who would support you in fighting for your daughter.

You don’t like change so presumably are more agreeable when people around you are consistent.
You won’t be controlled - so presumably reject what you see as attempts at control but that is in itself controlling of others - not letting them do things you see as controlling.
You will do the opposite if asked to do something - why? Again to control others who you see as attempting to control you?

Controlling others can be subtle; being happier when they do what you want, and not what you don’t want. But your sentence about controlling others does not show you as not controlling.

I should also say, controlling others is something we all do to some extent. It is necessary for survival.

I was told I wasn't allowed to say: My daughter as she's not a possession.

This is another crossover with TRA - separating children from parents, being a replacement ‘family’ who ‘know them better and advocate for them better’.

How so ..
I only do the opposite if it’s a controlling person trying to control me .I’m not controlling them ,
oh never mind ,I can’t make myself understood

As said upthread all people with autism are different

Going back to the paper posted earlier, I'm sure I've seen it asserted that transition is a cure for autism.

The online autism community is a totally toxic and to be avoided. It is dictatorial, polices language ferociously, bullying and steeped in identity politics. Autism is an identity. The loud voices are all adult diagnosed, if they have been diagnosed at all. Diagnosis is not necessary, you can simply identify as autistic. The vitriol aimed at autistic/people with autism who disagree with them is shocking.

Completely agree, anyone who doesn’t hold the views of the dominant narrative is rounded on. Anyone whose autistic presentation isn’t the typical presentation is also shouted down and othered and I’m not just talking about those with what some describe as ‘low functioning’ autism. Those who are less articulate are shouted down. You see it happen on here too.

I only do the opposite if it’s a controlling person trying to control me .I’m not controlling them

If every time you asked your children to do something they purposefully did the opposite, would you change how you approached them? Changed what you asked of them or how you asked them? If you change anything about your approach as a result of them doing the opposite they have controlled you. Doing the opposite in reaction to a request is a pretty blunt attempt at control, much more passive aggressive than just saying ‘no’. That doesn’t mean what you asked of the children (or someone asked of you) was reasonable.

We all control people around us. I don’t think autistic individuals are necessarily more controlling but most control takes place through social communication. Which means autistic individuals attempts at control probably seem more blatant. Children in the playground use friendships, negotiation and persuasion to get other children to join in their games. If you don’t have those skills then your attempts might seem much more controlling but are actually just less successful.

I can see the conversation has moved on from the video in the link, but I just wanted to comment on her saying she was vulnerable as a teenager all through to her early 30s. Yet she is now 36, has been diagnosed with autism, realised she was non-binary and has had a double mastectomy. Someone doesn't stop being vulnerable just because they've had a diagnosis. She is still vulnerable and she has simply found a group to join and the initiation process is bodily harm.

Exactly I wonder if the vulnerability has meant she's experienced traumatic events as a result and we all know that people will try to disassociate themselves from the trauma.

You hear it with women talking about rape, well I make sure I'm safe by...not walking alone at night, not wearing X, not going to Y because it is really hard to take mentally that there is often no reason for someone becoming a victim over you, which then opens up the possibility that it could happen to you.

I wonder if this is what happens with autistic girls/women especially with their more rigid thinking patterns is that if I change gender I will be safe and the trauma I've experienced will go away and also not happen again.

Don't worry I did laugh when they said that.

But for some parents more vulnerable than me it could tip them over the edge ( although granted they were already at the edge anyway).

I forgot I was also told I'm clueless because I'm NT and could never speak for her.... There was a bit of a reverse ferret when I actually said I'm not NT and have a learning difficulty!

Yes. This is entirely my experience too. The parallels between the behaviours of TRAs and many in the online autistic groups I have been part of are very striking.

Going back to Lex's article.... at least it's a warning that non-binary is not a "safe" identity. As a parent I would probably have seen non-binary as relatively harmless and perhaps encouraged it. But this article shows that non-binary can lead to surgery too. So promoting non-binary identities is also harmful and dangerous.

All of the alphabet soup isn't a safe.

So frustrating watching the clip as they could have represented girls like my DD.

Quite makes eye contact doesn't have meltdowns in public not what many think of when you say autism but struggles with it daily.
or
They could have spent the time and money on doing something to support autistic teens during puberty like information videos and education materials.

I've thought that too.

Is it because lots of TRAs are autistic? We know there's a disproportionate amount of autistic girls transitioning.

Although I still think the separating from family thing is being pushed by pedophilic adults and then others have jumped on the bandwagon.

The National Autistic Society website really helped us when DD got kicked out of school for having autism in the summer.

This is heartbreaking.

I seem to recall the NAS being investigated by the charity commission? I can't remember if it was on financial or safeguarding grounds. Perhaps I'm mixing them up with a different charity, not Mermaids.

I’m autistic. I am also a non gender conforming female. I prefer male friends and my interests are stereotypically male. As a teen I wore baggy male clothing because it made me invisible to men and desexualised me, which meant I didn’t have to negotiate sexual interest which I couldn’t handle. I have no doubt that nowadays I’d be labelled as trans, and I would have accepted that. For several reasons.

1 I was rejected by my peers. So if someone gave me an explanation for why the other girls didn’t want to be my friend and the boys didn’t want to be my boyfriend, I’d have been overjoyed to have an answer.

2 I felt threatened by my developing body and was unable to negotiate any sort of teenage social or sexual encounter, not even flirting. So if I could identify out of that I would have done.

3 Autism has been described as extreme male brain. I get on better with men. Being trans would give me access to male friendship groups which I was (and still often am) shut out of as a female.

4 Being trans makes you interesting. People rush to accept you to prove how accepting they are. So if you’re someone who’s constantly rejected and ignored, then you say you’re trans and suddenly people want to defend and support you and befriend you, that is incredibly seductive.

I always assumed the connection between autism and gender identity was about rigidity. That someone with asd might have rigid, black and white views of male and female and have difficulty tolerating the aspects of themselves that don’t fit that stereotype? Like a heightened version of what’s going on for all the young people who have bought into gender identity rather than realising these are stereotypes.

Can't offer much to this thread - am impressed by the level of knowledge overall here.

I have a sim with ASD (11) diagnosed at 6.
I've never really joined in with the online autism community and reading this I'm bloody glad actually.

Also really worried that an emergence of being able to 'self ID' as autistic is absolutely going to undermine the already fragile message that a diagnosis is a complex and multidisciplinary rigorous process, not just a question of saying 'I'm autistic because I think I might be'.

Kids already get disregarded by people thinking that it's a label parents just ask fit in order to game the system somehow

Gah autocorrect

'Son with ASD' not 'sim'

i find the idea of being able to self identify as autistic worrying , it seems to trivialise the condition.

*I was told I wasn't allowed to say:

My daughter as she's not a possession.*

This is so bizarre. How would they want you to phrase it?

I can only think of:

‘A female child/person that I gestated/adopted’

‘A child/person to whom I am a parent’

Is that the sort of thing they mean? 🤯