Non binary/transgender teacher

[Luckymumtotwo]

I am going to refer to the teacher as male because my child genuinely does not know how they currently identify. Sounds like they were male and then to be addressed as they/them and DS thinks might now be a transgender woman - changed name and hair - but DC is not certain.

Apparently children have been told off for addressing him as he and DS tells me that he doesn't ask him anything if he can help it because he doesn't know what to say.

Teacher has asked them to address him by a short version of his first name which I've only heard used for a female previously. DS feels awkward using it. Other teachers are not addressed by first names and usually addressed as Sir/miss.

I might ask school to revise how this teacher is addressed. Maybe "Teacher"? Not sure that works but I'd rather not have the casual use of a shortened first name where this isn't what generally happens.

My son is already used to asking people how they want to be addressed due to various identities in classmates and doesn't usually feel awkward. I think it's because it's an adult. At 12 I don't think he should have to ask the teacher.

Tbh that’s unlikely to be the reason kids knew little to nothing about the lives of school staff, unless there were loads of schools overwhelmingly staffed by gay teachers.

Which seems unlikely.

That's not how Section 28 worked (speaking as a lesbian teacher working in schools at the time). Some colleagues were out and many not. Some students knew (like the 6th former working in a gay bar who greeted me with "Hello Miss" one evening) and some didn't.

It was a time of massive social change since the decriminalisation of sex between men over 21 in 1982 and lesbian gay rights were very much on the agenda. We had openly gay MPs and while homophobia was rife, so was sexism, racism, ageism etc - just like today really.

Not defending that nasty piece of legislation but accuracy is important.

I very much still struggle to understand the concept of non binary. To me it's completely ludicrous, you are either a man or women. Simple.

My friend has a transgender non binary teacher at her child's school, he's a man transitioning and he wears short skirts and a shirt to work. I find it, quite frankly wrong! That should not be encouraged around young children as they are very easily influenced to think that is acceptable. If women wore that to school, I'd be horrified let alone a man! And when I saw short, I mean above the knees short. But it's acceptable because he's non binary/trans gender? Baffles me. I do not care what people wear in their spare time, but please tell me I'm not the only one who finds it unacceptable?

They have to call him they/them and her poor child does not understand the concept of it.

Regarding the teacher, I would email the school and find out.

I very much still struggle to understand the concept of non binary. To me it's completely ludicrous, you are either a man or women.

From what I can gather, people who claim to be non-binary fall into one of 3 categories:

1. The (probably few) people who genuinely believe they are neither of the male nor female sex
2. People who for some reason think that because (like most people!) they don't consistently conform to one set of sex-based stereotypes or the other, that means they are a whole new category of human.
3. People who want to feel different and special rather than normal and boring.

To be clear from the outset: I’m not for one minute suggesting that the mere fact of being trans is a safeguarding concern in its own right. This is on a par with NAMALT, and not all Muslims are terrorist kind of argument. People – the majority of people – already know this.

But it’s vital to keep appropriate boundaries between teacher and student. Fail in that duty and you’re giving carte blanche to groomers, to situations arising like that of Jeremy Forrest and his idiotic SM supporters saying: ‘but they just fell in lurrrrrve …..’ Educational establishments have a duty of care and this means imposing a series of lines that should not be crossed. I don’t permit my students to follow me on my personal SM until after they’ve graduated. I don’t socialize with them – not unless it’s something organized for them by the department – unlike back in the day with my own lecturers when we’d chew the fat about a lecture topic over a pint in the pub over the road. Those times have changed.

The issue is not with the transitioning of any member of staff. It’s the breakdown of those very porous boundaries which could represent a safety risk across the board. Over-familiarity is a potential risk. If there’s no policy of first-name address, this form of address should be used by no one. As for trans women parading about in inappropriate, revealing clothes as mentioned upthread, of course that’s out of line. The same dress rules apply to all staff, and frankly, I’d see this (not the trans status in itself) as a huge red flag.

I'm not quite sure what it is about 'same rules for everyone' that's so frequently seen as transphobic. If you're not trying to push at boundaries set for the benefit of the greater number, or attempting to police others' behaviour/encroach upon their spaces, expect young children to validate grown adults, then none of this needs to be a problem.