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Celebrity surrogacy - find this a bit heartbreaking

874 replies

Nowyouwillfeel · 03/09/2022 23:30

Irish ‘celebrity’ couple with a new baby via surrogacy. The surrogate was one of the couples sister. They have put up pictures and stories all delighted and excited but I just see raw emotion on the mothers face in the second picture and in their stories the baby is clearly rooting for her mothers breast. I have a two month old who always does this and honestly it’s breaking my heart seeing the baby search like that while the dad doesn’t even notice and that she isn’t with her mother. They took the baby home before the mother was discharged and she is nowhere to be seen.

seems so unfair on both baby and the mother who doesn’t have any children of her own.

instagram.com/bprdowling?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

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Wouldloveanother · 21/09/2022 10:01

This actually breaks my heart. The baby is content in her mum’s arms for a reason, Bryan.

PS Taking the credit for ‘making the baby’ made me sick in my mouth a little bit. Nothing about the egg donor I see.

Celebrity surrogacy - find this a bit heartbreaking
VaddaABeetch · 21/09/2022 10:06

These men are 42 & 44 years old. They can’t even claim that they’re young & naïve.

They really think this poor little baby is accessory & an opportunity to post new stuff on Insta.

I wonder how Aoife feels now?

Wouldloveanother · 21/09/2022 10:08

VaddaABeetch · 21/09/2022 10:06

These men are 42 & 44 years old. They can’t even claim that they’re young & naïve.

They really think this poor little baby is accessory & an opportunity to post new stuff on Insta.

I wonder how Aoife feels now?

I was wondering that. The ‘tears flowing’ when she was reunited with the baby after 5 days, the baby being very settled and safe in her arms. Only to be taken away again.

RedToothBrush · 21/09/2022 10:15

If this were two young teenage working class parents and they were spouting all over social media about how drunk they were in charge of a baby of that age, you wouldn't be surprised if they got a visit from social services...

VaddaABeetch · 21/09/2022 10:16

I’m waiting for them to appear in the Irish media to discuss the ‘disgusting’ situation legal situation in Ireland around surrogacy. I can see them getting a slot in the Late Late show & wheeling the baby out for an ahhh moment.

Helleofabore · 21/09/2022 10:18

Wouldloveanother · 21/09/2022 09:20

How many of you left your 1 week old baby with a non-parent relative overnight so you could ‘get a good nights sleep’? Selfish arseholes.

When your baby is an accessory to your life and takes your self-promotion to the next level, it is very tiring work.....

Helleofabore · 21/09/2022 10:22

pinok · 21/09/2022 09:54

Who even thinks about getting drunk when their newborn is less than a dozen days old

Yes. I can remember thinking that if I was drunk I would not be able to respond in an emergency. Strange how these blokes don't think anything of it.

FannyCann · 21/09/2022 10:22

Wouldloveanother · 21/09/2022 09:20

How many of you left your 1 week old baby with a non-parent relative overnight so you could ‘get a good nights sleep’? Selfish arseholes.

So they used another sister (in the midst of her wedding preparations) to come and babysit so they could sleep off their hangover.

Who will be looking after the baby while they go and get pissed at the next family wedding in Thursday? Is that twice in a week?

They really are showing us why it's a bad idea to give a baby to two men.

Poor Aiofe. She must be wanting to grab that baby and take it back surely? I'm guessing she won't be chucking the champagne down and leading the Hokey Cokey at her sister's wedding.

ReneBumsWombats · 21/09/2022 10:24

Did they consider that Aoife had to abstain from alcohol and various other nice things for nine months?

Helleofabore · 21/09/2022 10:26

They really are showing us why it's a bad idea to give a baby to two men.

No. They are really showing us why it is a bad idea for two highly self-absorbed and immature men to have a newborn made to order for them and then deprived of that newborn's mother.

Wouldloveanother · 21/09/2022 10:27

Helleofabore · 21/09/2022 10:26

They really are showing us why it's a bad idea to give a baby to two men.

No. They are really showing us why it is a bad idea for two highly self-absorbed and immature men to have a newborn made to order for them and then deprived of that newborn's mother.

But in my view only self absorbed and immature men use surrogates.

RedToothBrush · 21/09/2022 10:43

Wouldloveanother · 21/09/2022 10:27

But in my view only self absorbed and immature men use surrogates.

Show quote history

Only self absorbed, immature AND deeply misgynostic men who only see women as servants to their whims use surrogates.

Its fascinating how they still are viewing the actual 'caring' for the baby bit as women's work isn't it?

Bet these men dot on their mothers and sisters, and then dump all their other household chores on them too. And the women in their lives stupidly enable it, because they are so sucking into the emotional drama of how tough they have it... Its awful.

ReneBumsWombats · 21/09/2022 10:47

They really are showing us why it's a bad idea to give a baby to two men.

The issue isn't that they are a same-sex male couple. The issue is that they are too immature and selfish to be parents. Commissioning a baby and renting a womb, then taking the newborn from her mother was just the first sign of it.

Crunchingleaf · 21/09/2022 11:35

Wouldloveanother · 21/09/2022 09:20

How many of you left your 1 week old baby with a non-parent relative overnight so you could ‘get a good nights sleep’? Selfish arseholes.

This post makes me think of that instinct/feeling you get in the newborn phase where you just can’t be far from the baby at all even if they are safe in the other parents arms. Remember your first half an hour away from the baby and you missed them.
At a week in I was establishing breastfeeding, exhausted, hoping I wouldn’t do damage to myself going to the toilet and trying to look after the wound from the tear. There was definitely no alcohol.

TheClogLady · 21/09/2022 11:42

ReneBumsWombats · 21/09/2022 10:24

Did they consider that Aoife had to abstain from alcohol and various other nice things for nine months?

Probably longer, due to all the prep for IVF!

No fancy cheese, hardly any tuna, possibly puking in a washing up bowl for weeks on end. Sleepless nights, unable to get comfortable, swollen ankles, stress incontinence etc etc

certainly no drinking. What a pair of selfish wankers they are.

MrsJamin · 21/09/2022 12:24

2 weeks in and your baby still feels like an extension of you. I wonder if Aoife feels able to honestly express any sadness or feeling of loss amidst all the weddings and drunkenness and eyebrow plucking and filming and social media and paid promotions of nuk dummies...

irishfeminist · 21/09/2022 12:43

Wouldloveanother · 21/09/2022 10:01

This actually breaks my heart. The baby is content in her mum’s arms for a reason, Bryan.

PS Taking the credit for ‘making the baby’ made me sick in my mouth a little bit. Nothing about the egg donor I see.

And telling her she looks sensational five days after giving birth. Well no, she looks like a woman who has just given birth and it doesn't matter a shite to you at a time like that how you look. Those shallow dickheads just had to drop in that patronising little aside because surfaces are all that matter to them.

Wouldloveanother · 21/09/2022 12:51

irishfeminist · 21/09/2022 12:43

And telling her she looks sensational five days after giving birth. Well no, she looks like a woman who has just given birth and it doesn't matter a shite to you at a time like that how you look. Those shallow dickheads just had to drop in that patronising little aside because surfaces are all that matter to them.

Show quote history

It’s like they’re trying to convince her the baby she spent 9 months growing and gave birth to really hasn’t affected her that much. Physically, anyway.

TheClogLady · 21/09/2022 12:53

I looked like bloated fish, recently landed onto the deck of an NHS hospital bed after I had my first.

all cameras were firmly pointed at the baby the second time!

I expect Brian thinks he’s being nice to his sister but I’m sure she knows how shallow and generic such compliments are, especially if she’s nursing wounds from the birth and dealing with leaky milk breasts and a baggy belly.

One of the most shocking things to me in those early days was how the mere sound of a baby on the telly triggered enough let down to soak through bra and T shirt.

A mother’s body can’t tell the difference between an adoption, a surrogacy and a bereavement.

I wonder if surrogate mothers suffer from increased rates of post partum depression? Are there any statistics?

placemats · 21/09/2022 13:32

mariedolfi.com/adoption-resource/relinquishment-trauma-the-forgotten-trauma/

www.psychologicalscience.org/publications/observer/obsonline/how-mother-child-separation-causes-neurobiological-vulnerability-into-adulthood.html

Interesting links above about adoption trauma, even in new born infants.

There's no doubt that surrogacy will cause PTSD in later life - this is well documented in babies being adopted from birth.

I do not think surrogacy should exist in any civilised society that centres the well being of mothers and children.

placemats · 21/09/2022 13:48

I was born healthy but developed post birth complications and had to be transferred to a new children's hospital miles away - my mother could only visit once a week. This lasted for six weeks. Around about the age of six I asked my mum and dad if I was adopted and so they told me honestly what had happened, leaving out the obvious distress they both felt at that time. My mother was very traumatised by the whole thing, as was my father. My mum, who is in her 90s, has recently come out about it and I don't dwell on it because it's obviously very distressing for her.

FannyCann · 21/09/2022 14:24

TheClogLady · 21/09/2022 12:53

I looked like bloated fish, recently landed onto the deck of an NHS hospital bed after I had my first.

all cameras were firmly pointed at the baby the second time!

I expect Brian thinks he’s being nice to his sister but I’m sure she knows how shallow and generic such compliments are, especially if she’s nursing wounds from the birth and dealing with leaky milk breasts and a baggy belly.

One of the most shocking things to me in those early days was how the mere sound of a baby on the telly triggered enough let down to soak through bra and T shirt.

A mother’s body can’t tell the difference between an adoption, a surrogacy and a bereavement.

I wonder if surrogate mothers suffer from increased rates of post partum depression? Are there any statistics?

There's some new research from Jennifer Lahl, a really good study that does show that surrogate mothers have much higher rates of postnatal depression TheClogLady

Discussion about it here.

https://stopsurrogacynowuk.org/2022/08/25/commercial-vs-altruistic-old-vs-new-uk-vs-america-a-comparison-in-research-long-read/

FannyCann · 21/09/2022 14:25

Here's a link to the research. It was a good sized sample of 96 women.

digitalcommons.uri.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1311&context=dignity

FannyCann · 21/09/2022 14:34

I also remember being unable to be parted from my daughter in the early days : she was one week old when I put on a big family Sunday lunch (mad, I know, but there were reasons to do with my mother in law having very suddenly died just before she was born) and afterwards my mother packed me off to bed to sleep and triumphantly loaded her new granddaughter into the pram and headed off for a walk around the village. I lay there weeping and when they came back I could hear her crying as she was passed around the family downstairs. DH came up to see if I wanted anything and I screamed at him "BRING ME MY BABY" which he did pretty sharpish!
Reading about this obnoxious pair makes me feel quite ill. That poor baby. And they are such idiots saying how she loves Aunty Aiofe. No, she recognises her mother and feels at peace for the brief time she is with her.

Nature endows new mothers with hormones and instincts to make sure we look after our babies (yes I know not everyone bonds easily) and men can never feel that in the same way however much they love their newborn. Personally I wouldn't leave my puppy with these two either. And yes to a pp who pointed out social services might be called if a young man of a less fashionable social class behaved like this.

irishfeminist · 21/09/2022 15:32

It does bring memories of those crazy newborn days back. I remember having to be away from my one month-old baby for just two or three hours and by the end I was soaked in sweat, shaking and I kept picturing something terrible happening to her. My whole self felt like a raging alarm. As a previous poster said, it was the strongest feeling I'd ever had in my life. What can that pair of spoilt selfish idiots know about that?