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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Single Sex Toilet issue creeping into everyday life?

120 replies

BoredofthisCrap7 · 17/07/2022 18:37

Just back from holiday in Cornwall.

Using the female toilets (public toilets) was very interesting.

Myself and two teenage daughters faced with fully grown man in the female toilets. These were public toilets, there was a female block, a male block and a disabled toilet. All open.
I was finished first and was outside waiting for my girls, when a strapping muscular 6 footer walked over to the male toilets, walked back out again, walked over to the ladies and checked the sign on the door (so knew it was female), then proceeded to go in anyway.
I followed him in to make sure my girls were okay. As they came out and stood at the sinks to wash their hands, he came out of the stall, over to the sink and stood there quite unperturbed washing his hands.

My daughters were mortified.
It did however give me a very good chance to explain the whole issue to them, including the fact that someone doesn't have to LOOK like a woman or make any changes at ALL to "identify" as a woman, which would (under self ID) give them the right to do this.

This man was in no way "trans" but it made me wonder if some men just feel now, that they can do whatever the hell they want in women's spaces and not have any deterrent or embarrassment about being there.
It was very intimidating - I did give him the evil eye but didn't feel like I could say anything to him, he was enormous.
There was no attendant to speak to.

Are women's spaces under such attack that even "normal" men think they are open to everyone?

On the flip side, I was recently at a concert where an older gentleman accidentally came in to the female toilets while I was at the sink (in fairness they were badly signposted). He was completely mortified, apologised profusely, and left immediately. THAT is how a decent man behaves when they find themselves in a woman's space.

OP posts:
redkickers · 17/07/2022 18:39

Maybe it a trans man being respectful?

trentpercent · 17/07/2022 18:41

Is it possible that were AFAB?

BoredofthisCrap7 · 17/07/2022 18:42

trentpercent · 17/07/2022 18:41

Is it possible that were AFAB?

100% male.
No question.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 17/07/2022 18:43

The fact that he went in the men's first would suggest that he found something in there that made them unusable and so used the women's instead. It's far from ideal, but I'm not sure what else he could have done that would be better. If I found the women's toilets unusable and needed to go, I would use the men's.

JacquelinePot · 17/07/2022 18:45

Females, however they identify, are usually smaller than this.

While females are often more convincing in appearing cross-sex, than males, it's a very different prospect irl when you have gait, hand and foot size, voice etc. in the mix

BoredofthisCrap7 · 17/07/2022 18:46

He could have used the empty disabled toilet.
I'm not sure how 6 stalls in the men's toilets could all have been broken.
I'm pretty sure he just didn't want to wait in line.

Also, a women using the male toilet isn't exactly a threat to the men inside.
Whilst being confronted with a muscle bound 6 foot something man in the ladies toilets is extremely intimidating not only for me but for two young teenage girls.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 17/07/2022 18:53

But he wasn't disabled. Isn't using (and therefore blocking) the one accessible toilet worse than using one of six toilets in the women's block?

I don't think we know there were 6 stalls in the men's and also they didn't all need to be broken, perhaps there was a flood and the whole place was out of bounds? It seems unusual that there would be a queue in the men's but none in the ladies.

BoredofthisCrap7 · 17/07/2022 18:56

As I was there, I know the male toilets and female toilets are the same, six stalls in each, (I asked my husband) - men were going in and out so not broken, the disabled toilet was empty and no-one was waiting on it.
The disabled toilet was also a parent and baby room so not only for disabled people.
I don't think there is EVER an excuse for a man to be in the female toilets.

OP posts:
badbaduncle · 17/07/2022 19:03

Ffs!

Somanysocks · 17/07/2022 19:04

I would imagine the men's were stinking filthy (as usual, so I'm told) so decided to use the women's.

Not right though.

Floisme · 17/07/2022 19:04

In the event of all the men's cubicles being unusable (which sounds unlikely from what the op says) he could have made sure the women's toilets were empty first and, if a woman or girl had walked in while he was there, apologised and left quickly. That is how decent men would behave and I have no idea why we make excuses for the rest.

achillestoes · 17/07/2022 19:06

Shameless behaviour.

sunshineandstrawberryjam · 17/07/2022 19:06

I'd much rather a man use the ladies loos if the men's is out of action rather than the disabled toilets. It's such a nightmare if the disabled loos are blocked by someone who doesn't need them - someone with disabilities doesn't have any other options, as opposed to all the women who can use one of the other six cubicles.

Somanysocks · 17/07/2022 19:07

But he wasn't disabled.

he wasn't a woman either

KittenKong · 17/07/2022 19:08

redkickers · 17/07/2022 18:39

Maybe it a trans man being respectful?

A ‘strapping six footer’ - what are the odds?

sheildmaiden · 17/07/2022 19:09

Strange behaviour but is it possible that the toilets were out of use and he was unaware that there were 2 teenage girls in there?

Floisme · 17/07/2022 19:15

If he genuinely had no option but to use the womens, he could have called out to check they were unoccupied before going in. There are so many things any decent man could and would have done - I really don't understand the excuses.

NuffSaidSam · 17/07/2022 19:25

Somanysocks · 17/07/2022 19:07

But he wasn't disabled.

he wasn't a woman either

Yes, I know.

So if the men's were out of use he had limited options didn't he. Either don't go or use a facility he isn't allowed to use. I don't think it's right to be outraged he used the women's but for the solution to be 'just use the disabled toilet'.

NuffSaidSam · 17/07/2022 19:27

Floisme · 17/07/2022 19:15

If he genuinely had no option but to use the womens, he could have called out to check they were unoccupied before going in. There are so many things any decent man could and would have done - I really don't understand the excuses.

Yes, this is what he should have done.

NuffSaidSam · 17/07/2022 19:28

BoredofthisCrap7 · 17/07/2022 18:56

As I was there, I know the male toilets and female toilets are the same, six stalls in each, (I asked my husband) - men were going in and out so not broken, the disabled toilet was empty and no-one was waiting on it.
The disabled toilet was also a parent and baby room so not only for disabled people.
I don't think there is EVER an excuse for a man to be in the female toilets.

It sounds very odd if other men were happily using the men's toilets.

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 17/07/2022 20:59

"This man was in no way "trans" but it made me wonder if some men just feel now, that they can do whatever the hell they want in women's spaces and not have any deterrent or embarrassment about being there.
It was very intimidating - I did give him the evil eye but didn't feel like I could say anything to him, he was enormous.
There was no attendant to speak to."

Yes I think some men understand this issue on a 'women have no rights , they are allowed to set no boundaries, I can go where I like do what I like and they can't say or do anything about it' level. To say some men enjoy making women uncomfortable, and delight that they have the power to make you scared/ uncomfortable / unhappy seems to me to do so effing self evident that I despair / distrust at the people who won't can't see it.

Twindow · 17/07/2022 21:36

I've had this experience too. Men know that they can do what the fuck they like.

Unforgettablefire · 17/07/2022 22:44

One of my biggest fears using public toilets is coming out of the cubicle and a man being in there and nobody else.
There's no reasonable excuse for any man to go into female public toilets it's just wrong.

Penguintears · 17/07/2022 22:50

The thing I'm most shocked at is the number of women defending this man or trying to find excuses for him.

334bu · 17/07/2022 22:55

The thing I'm most shocked at is the number of women defending this man or trying to find excuses for him.

Exactly!!!! Women sabotaging other women just to appease the men. Pathetic.