Single Sex Toilet issue creeping into everyday life?

[BoredofthisCrap7]

Just back from holiday in Cornwall.

Using the female toilets (public toilets) was very interesting.

Myself and two teenage daughters faced with fully grown man in the female toilets. These were public toilets, there was a female block, a male block and a disabled toilet. All open.
I was finished first and was outside waiting for my girls, when a strapping muscular 6 footer walked over to the male toilets, walked back out again, walked over to the ladies and checked the sign on the door (so knew it was female), then proceeded to go in anyway.
I followed him in to make sure my girls were okay. As they came out and stood at the sinks to wash their hands, he came out of the stall, over to the sink and stood there quite unperturbed washing his hands.

My daughters were mortified.
It did however give me a very good chance to explain the whole issue to them, including the fact that someone doesn't have to LOOK like a woman or make any changes at ALL to "identify" as a woman, which would (under self ID) give them the right to do this.

This man was in no way "trans" but it made me wonder if some men just feel now, that they can do whatever the hell they want in women's spaces and not have any deterrent or embarrassment about being there.
It was very intimidating - I did give him the evil eye but didn't feel like I could say anything to him, he was enormous.
There was no attendant to speak to.

Are women's spaces under such attack that even "normal" men think they are open to everyone?

On the flip side, I was recently at a concert where an older gentleman accidentally came in to the female toilets while I was at the sink (in fairness they were badly signposted). He was completely mortified, apologised profusely, and left immediately. THAT is how a decent man behaves when they find themselves in a woman's space.

That is how decent men would behave and I have no idea why we make excuses for the rest.
Indeed... "Maybe the Gents were dirty" . Tough shit! Why would that give a bloke leave to saunter into the Ladies?

I think it was a bit lame to just give a dirty look instead of trying to engage him in friendly conversation, perhaps along the lines of “Er, do you realise you’re in the Ladies?” The chances of him turning violent would have been fairly slim, and it’s a touch prejudiced to assume that someone is dangerous just because they are tall and broad.

Without any conversation we’ll never know what his justification was, and it makes this a bit of a non-story. If you had questioned him we’d be having a field day now pulling apart whatever he said!

The chances of him turning violent would have been fairly slim, and it’s a touch prejudiced to assume that someone is dangerous just because they are tall and broad.

Any man who deliberately uses the female toilets, knowing full well that he may upset the women in the faculty, is probably not the kind of person you should confront. He obviously ignores social norms and holds the idea of women's boundaries in contempt. This was not a neutral act. This was an act of male entitlement.

You beat me to it. And the OP had two young daughters with her.
If a big man is unsettling me I'd sooner be prejudiced if that's what it is and get the hell of out there. Why take that slim chance of a man turning on you in that situation?
No. Don't pull him up ladies just get the hell out of there.

Why not give him the benefit of the doubt and then criticise (not necessarily to his face) after he has failed to provide a good explanation?

Or, if he’s just an ignorant idiot who genuinely didn’t think women would mind, use the chance to explain that we most definitely do?

It's a totally different scenario just discussing it online, compared with confronting the reality of an at LEAST 6ft tall hugely muscular man, as a 5ft 4 inch woman with two young children.
I'm not prepared to take the chance even if it is "fairly slim".
And no, I don't think I'm prejudiced.
He shouldn't have been in the fucking ladies toilets.

Perhaps you think there sometimes IS justification for a man to be there?
I don't.
But I'm not prepared to put myself in danger (or my children) by squaring up to a man. That apparently makes me "lame" in today's world.
Jesus.

Why not give him the benefit of the doubt and then criticise (not necessarily to his face) after he has failed to provide a good explanation?
I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and treat this as a genuine, if gob-smackingly ignorant question.

Because when a woman finds herself in an enclosed space, and alone except for 2 children, with a man who who has already proven by his actions that he has no respect for women and girls, and who is considerably bigger and undoubtedly stronger than she is, then, trust me on this, she will avoid confrontation or provocation and get the fuck out.

Understand now?

You’re welcome.

But we KNOW the mens weren’t out of use. The ops husband used them! There was a queue of men using them! So let’s address this particular scenario, not what if he had been stuck 3 days in the desert without water and there was no running water in the mens, only in the ladies, and he wouldn’t survive long enough to get to the hospital…

So.....

I have already been called lame and prejudiced even when it was someone ELSE who broke social convention and respect for others.

Is this really the world we are making for ourselves?
One where I must assume there is some justification for a man to be in a private female space? Why would I care what the justification was? why should I care about the "what if's...."?
I don't care. I just don't want to share these spaces with men, and I don't want my daughters to have to either.

And why are there so many people people quick to defend this?

I don’t know where you’re getting confrontation and “squaring up” from. The question could have been asked in a non- confrontational way. Perhaps he was unwell and was in danger of soiling himself if he had to wait in line in the men’s? I’d have sympathy for a man in that predicament.

Yes more sympathy for the man who potentially maybe has a problem and can't wait for 5 mins than for the children who will be scared and upset by seeing a man in the 'ladies'. Young girls who would quite like safety, privacy and dignity, thanks very much.

But oh no, let's not bother about female children as long as the adult menz are pandered to at every possible opportunity.

Misogyny in action.

I’d say that acknowledging that a man may use female facilities rather than shit himself in public is simple humanity. But we’ll never know if this is even relevant because he wasn’t asked.

If this was the case, a decent man would have seen OP and said, apologetically, "I'm so sorry I had to rush in here...I was having an emergency...I feel so bad." Like other PP, a decent man would attempt some kind of amends, like the elderly man who made the mistake.

I'm not sure you can draw any real conslusions from this OP, there just isn't enough to go on.

I a few times so men in women's toilets with no explanation, years before gender ideology took hold. I don't know why they were there either but certainly not because it had become normalized.

It does sound like there was some reason he left the men's.

Maybe, but people can be embarrassed, or shy, or socially awkward.

I’d say that acknowledging that a man may use female facilities rather than shit himself in public is simple humanity. But we’ll never know if this is even relevant because he wasn’t asked.

What a wonderful compassionate person you are , pity it is only focused on people who have no respect for women. If said" gent" was in difficulty waiting in gents, why did he not just do what all women would do and explain his predicament and ask to go first. Instead he bursts into the ladies, says nothing and upsets everyone in there, what a prince.

There is no excuse. A man should not be in the women’s toilets.

I would have been afraid to say anything to him. I would have got myself and my children out ASAP. Like others say he wouldn’t be in there if he were any kind of decent man, being in the women’s toilets means he must de facto be threatening and intending to cause distress, who knows what other intentions he might have.

It would have been a frightening and intimidating experience and would have felt like a violation. I have always thought of the women’s toilets as a safe place, free from men. I have never yet come across a man in toilets. It sounds like it is getting more common though.

If it’s an emergency, about to shit himself situation (due to a health need - even if it’s just a temporary bug), why wouldn’t he use the disabled loos.

I’m struggling to imagine a situation where there is a queue for the 6 cubicles in the mens (and most people using the urinals) but no queue at all in the women’s with the same number of cubicles. It’s seems unlikely.

It is unlikely. Some women are just dick-panderers and love to preen about how compassionate they are, while giving away women’s rights to privacy and safety.

If he had was 5ft tall would you have said something?

I guess if that was the case, then he could have explained that the mens we're unusable, apologised and made them feel more at ease. I also don't think that all the mens cubicles would have been out of action. Sadly I'd say he thinks he's a women, and/or enjoys making women feel uncomfortable.

This thread is like a microcosm of the last 18 years and a great demonstration of how gender ideology was able to take such a grip - not because people believed it but because we search for good intentions even when all the evidence suggests there are none.

Not only would decent men have handled the situation very differently, I doubt whether they would give this guy anything like the leeway he's been getting on here.

I was unhappy the other week in a family restaurant to find the toilets were unisex. I was pleased that I had accompanied my niece! I don't feel comfortable letting kids go in alone with all of this.

This is what we will have to deal with now. So fucking sick of people who are “not bothered” giving away our rights and jeopardising our safety.

Every single restaurant you go to where the toilets are unisex, complain or write a review. 95% don’t want mixed sex toilets, make it clear.