Thanks Hearach and Starlee for getting back to me on what it means for my oldest to call themself non binary and gay. Respectively, 'no idea who they are attracted to/weird question' and 'ask them'. Which...yeah.
To me, this encapsulates the breakdown in our shared language around sex and sexual orientation. When my friends first came out as gay decades ago, what would have been truly weird would have been to say, 'Thank you for telling me. What sex does that mean you are attracted to?' Because gay=same sex attracted. Here we are 4 decades on and LGBTQ+ advocates on here can't say whether a male person who says that they are gay is more likely to be attracted to male or female people. 🤦♀️
On this board, the regular posters who describe themselves as lesbians use the shared common meaning of the word 'lesbian'.
So if someone asked me 'who are those posters most likely to be attracted to?' I can confidently assert, never having met them, that they are female people attracted solely to other female people. Because the word 'lesbian' - like the word 'woman' and 'female' is already taken and describes a discrete group of people. It should not be repurposed because the group of people it describes still exist and need it for their protection in law.
The sine qua non of Lesbianism is that it involves female people only.
Is it possible for humans to change sex? No. So can a biologically male person ever, in any circumstances, be a lesbian? No.
What if all their friends/the media/controversial lobby groups say they are lesbian? Still no.
If a female person plans to stay in a happy long term sexual relationship with a male person, are they a lesbian? No. They are heterosexual or bisexual. Again, perfectly valid sexualities, but not gay.
What if the male has long hair and nail polish and has had facial feminisation surgery and bottom surgery and a GRC and calls themself she/her and Katie? Still not a lesbian/woman/female.
Make up some new words, if you like, to describe these 'new' sexualities. Words to describe the group of people who are attracted say to extremely feminine males, or masculine females. Knock yourself out. It is not going to be useful in law because, when it comes down to it, there are only really four options when it comes to sexual orientation: same sex, opposite sex, both sexes, neither.
Naturally, my oldest is attracted to whoever they are attracted to. Not really any skin off my nose. Yet if, say, as a male person, they are exclusively attracted to female people, (believing that they share a gender identity) that would be a perfectly valid sexual orientation, just not a gay one... And their needs and experience - and possible need for a helpline - would be entirely different if the exclusive object of their sexual attraction was fellow males...