Email from teacher: Child has come out as non binary

[GoingtoGlasgow]

As per title.

Received email from form tutor (Yr 7 if it matters) saying DC has spoke to them in confidence saying they are non binary. They would like permission from me to tell the subject teachers to use the pronouns they/them.

How do I respond to this?

Before the email (1 day before) got A message with a gif from DC saying 'I'm non binary'. Followed by a text 'do you accept me?'

I replied of course. Bloody love DC why would I not

Just feel they have entered puberty and don't identify with their biological sex.

Have discussed with them that I feel non binary from a gender point of view... don't do anything stereotypically girl like long hair, dresses, make up, prosecco. But don't want to change my pronouns because I definitely feel like the sex I was born with: difficult pregnancies, heavy periods and being seen as 'a woman with kids' when going for promotion.

They think humans can change sex. 'They have surgery'. I said in 1000 years when they find the person's bones that had a fake penis implanted on them and their breasts removed, will they identify that person as make or female. They said they woman. But still humans can change sex according to them.

I don’t think agreement or approval from the teacher is implied, necessarily. And I assume they have assumed discussion would be had upon reading this email.

You are making a lot of assumptions considering we haven't seen the wording of the email. But this is what the OP told us:

They would like permission from me to tell the subject teachers to use the pronouns they/them.

I've assumed the 'they' who want permission is the teacher. If so, this teacher has decided that this is what they want to do. Otherwise they would suggest discussion between child and parents, and if changes were to be considered, further discussion between the parents and the school.

Of course, many of the girls declaring themselves trans are lesbians.

Sure, many trans girls are lesbians, but certainly not in the way you think.

Are you going to explain what you mean here @Lekisa658?

When you say 'trans girls' do you mean girls who declare that they are trans (as in the post you were replying to) or male children who identify as trans?

@ThiagoSilvasToe

I don't think the form tutor should have emailed you at all. It's nothing to do with you and is entirely your child's decision. They should be asking your child, not you, if it's ok to inform teachers.

Don’t be ridiculous.

Please please please go through your child's internet usage with a fine tooth comb. Put parental controls in place and really limit the scope of what they can search for etc.

My eldest ASD son came out as transgender very suddenly at 15/16. We spent 2-3 years on suicide watch and then totally out of the blue the police raided our house the day after he turned 19. Long story short he was convicted of having around 1500 images depicting animal based sex offences with children ( school girls) and has a 10 year SPO and is on the sex offenders register for ten years too.

The overwhelming majority of the material was animated hentaii . Turned out that he's been groomed as a young pre teen to believe he was actually a trans/sissified lesbian girl. This all happened on Reddit, discord and places like that. I was absolutely horrified. Obviously he was banned from the internet after the police seized his computer and the entire "trans" thing stopped within 3-4 months of the external influence of the internet. After a few years of counselling and therapy he's absolutely porn free and is trying to get over the Trauma of what he went through as a teen.

These things can very easily escalate and there is a reason we say it's a cult. Now it's normalised and in main stream schools it's only going to get worse.

McScreamy

@Helleofabore
^“Do you feel good coming onto what amounts to a support thread and abusing the parent here?

So kind…. And you are obviously on the ‘right side of history’ too!”^

A "support thread" that amounts to “oh no my child thinks they're gay, how can I convince them to be straight instead”, but for trans and non-binary people instead.

@Helleofabore

Sure, many trans girls are lesbians, but certainly not in the way you think.

And young lesbians are being pressured into doing dick by their peers. I have watched the conversations happen. This is happening.

You ok with that? Quite comfortable that not one lesbian is being harmed in this forced redefinition of the word?

Quite comfortable that young lesbians are being pressured into having sex with males that they don’t want in the name of being ‘inclusive’?

Literally no one is under any obligation to have sex with any individual they're not attracted to.

You're just angry that people take issue with your unsolicited commentary on trans people's sex and gender.

You see someone say “being a lesbian is not strictly defined by genitals, some lesbians have dicks” and you instantly think this is directly "pressuring" every single lesbian into personally having sex with someone with a dick.

It's not.

And there you go twisting this to your own agenda again!!

You are the epitome of kindness, aren’t you?

A "support thread" that amounts to “oh no my child thinks they're gay, how can I convince them to be straight instead”, but for trans and non-binary people instead.

Other posters have made the point that many girls who they declare they are trans or non binary are actually lesbians. This possibility should always be explored with these girls. Do you not agree that these girls should be supported to be happy with their sexuality rather than rushing to trans away the gay?

@Helleofabore

And there you go twisting this to your own agenda again!!

You are the epitome of kindness, aren’t you?

Your intentions are to convince a non-binary child to no longer identify as non-binary, yes?

How exactly am I twisting anything here?

@OldCrone

A "support thread" that amounts to “oh no my child thinks they're gay, how can I convince them to be straight instead”, but for trans and non-binary people instead.

Other posters have made the point that many girls who they declare they are trans or non binary are actually lesbians. This possibility should always be explored with these girls. Do you not agree that these girls should be supported to be happy with their sexuality rather than rushing to trans away the gay?

You're literally just making baseless assumptions. Also, non-binary lesbians exist. Nothing is being "transed away".

And also, all of this is for them to explore, not you. Children aren't your property. Stop trying to dictate what others "should" be.

And also, all of this is for them to explore, not you. Children aren't your property. Stop trying to dictate what others "should" be.

Adults weaponising 11/ 12 year old children like this are the problem.

Trans issues should be irrelevant to Year 7 children who should be focusing on learning, growing, peer relationships, hobbies, playing sport, being a daughter, sister and family member and all the rest.
Adults insistent on sexualising children and engaging in toxic debates about lesbians accepting penis are the problem.
The OP posted a question about safeguarding, parental responsibility and a school exceeding its authority in trying to socially transition a child as "non binary". She's received some thoughtful constructive responses.

Could you please link us up to the studies and the peer reviewed statistics that show exactly how many of our children will remain trans and non-binary into adulthood? And even further, it middle age?

Could you please show us the current diagnosis tools to tell the difference between a child or a teen experimenting and trying to conform to their peers vs one that will not desist?

Can you actually understand the magnitude of what is happening with our youth at the moment and that there are harmful elements?

One of those harmful elements is ‘affirming only’ care. Would you like to link up the studies from the past 18 months l that show that affirming only care is right and appropriate for all children and teens who are declaring they have a trans or non-binary identity?

We will wait. We have been patiently waiting now for a long time. And actually, the Tavistock couldn’t find any that were compelling either, come to think of it.

Or… do you have your own prejudice that is motivating your posts? One where you cannot see anything beyond that?

I am keen to find that research though. Please do link it up. We can also link up the papers and the research that is showing that there are issues to affirming only. Which you are the one advocating for on this thread.

@Goatsaregreat
“Trans issues should be irrelevant to Year 7 children who should be focusing on learning, growing, peer relationships, hobbies, playing sport, being a daughter, sister and family member and all the rest.

Adults insistent on sexualising children (...) are the problem.”

How are you any different from a homophobe using this exact argument against accepting gay children?

No one is trying to convince lesbian and gay children they are straight. They are trying to protect children.

@Mummyoflittledragon

No one is trying to convince lesbian and gay children they are straight. They are trying to protect children.

So why are you trying to convince trans and non-binary children to stop being trans or non-binary?

A very long time ago I was a teenager. I can remember thinking all sorts of really crazy things. Guess what? I grew out of them. Looking back, life was easier for me because there was no internet, no social media, no chat rooms where others persuade you that because you wear jeans or have short hair or feel different then you are non-binary or trans. That is the problem here, it's almost like a mass hysteria where young people get sucked into thinking and can't get out.
Yes, I understand that some people are trans or whatever, just like some people I grew up with are gay/bisexual, but I know others who said they were and then realized it was just a phase. They were exploring and having explored wanted to take things no further. And that is, I think, the message. Take your time and don't do anything that can't be reversed.

Also, non-binary lesbians exist

Female people who identify as non binary and are exclusively attracted to other female people exist, yes. The "non binary" bit is irrelevant.

People who think they don't have a male/female "gender" and are only attracted to "woman gendered" people? What do you think "lesbian" actually means?

Lesbians are biologically female people who are attracted exclusively to other biologically female people. It's a same sex attraction. If they are also attracted to biological males of whatever "gender", it's called bisexuality. Bi= two/both. There are no other sexes.

So why are you trying to convince trans and non-binary children to stop being trans or non-binary?

And way to demonise people, many of whom are parents dealing this this very issue on a daily basis. People are discussing sources of information about care, and giving advice usually based on actual experience (not based on some theory from someone who seems to be well entrenched in pushing their political agenda).

I still look forward to those links.

Particularly the links to the numbers of just how many children and teens persist in their trans and non-binary identity into adulthood and beyond. Plus correlate that with the way that any parent can tell that their child is going to be one of those who persist.

And any evidence at all that suggests that a parent saying ‘ ok, I hear you. Let’s work with this for a while to see how best to approach it. Buy by the way, you cannot actually change sex, you will always be the sex you were born.’ And not immediately affirming only is causing harm to that child.

Please make sure that particular study is peer reviewed.

@Ereshkigalangcleg
“Lesbians are biologically female people who are attracted exclusively to other biologically female people. It's a same sex attraction.”

By your definition of sex, "sex-based attraction" does not exist. People are attracted to external physical features, which are changeable, not to gametes or chromosomes.

@Helleofabore
“Buy by the way, you cannot actually change sex, you will always be the sex you were born.”

This is just transphobic psychological abuse, and an attempt to repress your child. It's no different than telling a gay teenager “But by the way, you'll always be seen as a sexual deviant and will never be able to have children.”

Yes sex based attraction does exist because female people are one of the only two sexes, regardless of individual ability or desire to produce any gametes and reproduce. Male people are the other. See how that "bi" thing works again?

Adults weaponising 11/ 12 year old children like this are the problem.

I never read these posters as adults. Maybe students, but no older than 22 or so. Come here to tell the old Karens what's what.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Yes sex based attraction does exist because female people are one of the only two sexes, regardless of individual ability or desire to produce any gametes and reproduce. Male people are the other. See how that "bi" thing works again?

Let me just say it again.

Sexual attraction is not based on sex, because no one needs to inspect someone's gametes or chromosomes before experiencing attraction.

The features that sexual attraction is based on can be changed. So if changing those features isn't changing sex, then sexual attraction isn't based on sex.

Sex based attraction is just that

You can try and mask your sex , it takes a lot of effort and money to be convincing , and when it's unmasked the attraction will most likely vanish

And if the person still finds you sexually attractive that says something about thier sexuality

How utterly horrid of you to pretend otherwise