Critic my Letter to DD school regards LGBT club

[Sickoffamilydrama]

I've just found out that our 12 year old autistic DD has been attending a lunch time LGBT club and now tells me she is bisexual, (apparently she needs choose what she is) & suddenly obsessively drawing flags on everything including herself.

She has been exhibiting worsening ticks like pulling her hair really tight and lip licking until above her mouth is sore & finger sucking.

She suddenly has a friend who identifies as a boy as well (I don't care if our daughter is straight, gay or whatever) but I'm worried what has been discussed, she's 12 hasn't gone through puberty yet and shows limited comprehension regarding relationships, she doesn't need to worry about this, or be considering any kind of sexual relationship.

This has left her confused and clearly anxious, I'm beyond livid to see her distress especially as the school are not doing much about her being massively behind and clearly academically struggling.

So help me by looking at the draft wording for a letter to the head of year and the safe guarding lead.

Dear
I writing to you to raise my concerns regarding the school's lunch time LGBT club, which my daughter informs me is open to children in all year groups. Whilst it is admirable the school wish to support pupils, it is inappropriate that sexuality is discussed in a mixed age group.

My daughter who is autistic and vulnerable has recently been attending with her friend, this has left her confused and anxious with her exhibiting increased ticks, some of which are boarding on harmfull.
She tells me that she now needs to choose what sexuality she is and has become anxious she doesn't have a boyfriend or particularly have any sexual feelings towards boys, this has led her to become very distressed culminating in her deciding she must be bisexual. Even though she feels no attraction to girls. She has then obsessively been drawing flags on herself and with her notebooks.

Prior to attending the LGBT club she had never exhibited any of this anxiety around her sexuality, rightly so as she is 12 years old and still in the very early stages of puberty, therefore she should not be considering sex.

I am unclear what is discussed at this club but the mixed age group is clearly a safeguarding issue a 16/17/18 year old should never be talking to a 12 year old about sex or sexuality these age groups have quite different needs and comprehension. This massive difference between young and older teens is recognised in PHSE guidance hence why children are given age appropriate information. They also appears to be no pastoral or any other kind of support attached to this club which is present when PHSE is taught as part of the curriculum, neither was I aware of this club or my daughter attending it until she suddenly became distressed.

There also appears to have been no consideration for children like my daughter who have a disability that disadvantages her compared to her peers.The difficulties in understanding intentions, missing social subtleties, limited peer interactions and often lower emotional age, means that children with autism require more support or they risk misunderstand important information regarding sex and relationships.

I await your response on this matter.

Not sure if I should put less about the distress and confusion she's been exhibiting. Once this letter had gone I'll be raising the stonewall & mermaids links they have on their LGBT web page using safe school alliance templates/advice.

@MrsOvertonsWindow

Being optimistic, your letter will have highlighted a gaping chasm of safeguarding / potential grooming allegations and other related problems that should never be in a school. So maybe they're frantically back peddling in house and trying to sort this so when you meet them, they can do a "yes we reviewed our practices and decided to cancel the whole shitshow make these changes". (It's what I would do if I was that Head). Or of course, if they're totally Stonewall captured they'll be doubling down and you'll be handwaved away with earnest explanations of the special needs of a "sacred caste"

This is what I wondered and also thought it might be what you have said 334bu which is why I will not allow it to not be written down.

I applied as for a role a parent governor bet you they are glad I wasn't voted in 🤣

So I have used MrsOvertonsWindow suggestion of asking for answers prior to meeting me so we shall see!

Well done OP. We just have to be persistent. Your questions have highlighted some serious issues and they'll be panicking about how to address them. They can't openly admit the safeguarding errors yet they'll want to show that they've addressed them. So I reckon they'll probably flannel and obfuscate as much as they can.

I'd be considering what you want long term? Mine would be that no teacher or older student ever sets up another meeting to discuss sexuality with children in such a manner. Children's sexuality is not a pet project for any teacher to dabble in - even if the are LGB. .

If they've cancelled this and can guarantee no repeat, I'd probably cut them some slack. If it's continuing then I'd insist on a formal response to every question and then would head off to the governors and Ofsted. What the school have admitted in writing has happened poses a direct safeguarding risk to young children and you've been very patient in not reporting them sooner.

@Talipesmum

So sorry your daughter is feeling anxious and disturbed. I think your point about mixed age groups, differing levels of appropriateness, and lack of guidance are excellent and clearly made. I personally don’t think you’ve spoken too much about her distress.

This section: “ she is 12 years old and still in the very early stages of puberty, therefore she should not be considering sex.”

• I wouldn’t say “should not be considering sex” as plenty of 12 year olds do think about it, or at least have boy/girlfriends. The school might read that as you thinking all sex education is inappropriate for 12 year olds, and that no 12 year old should even be thinking about relationships, and might dismiss your other v good points. Perhaps slightly rephrase to:

“ she is 12 years old and still in the very early stages of puberty, and this unsupervised, mixed age group has made her very anxious about a topic which she had previously not considered, and which she personally is not mature enough yet to appreciate.”

I’d agree wholeheartedly with this. Only today there was a thread on Twitter about a school in the US who had a similar club, and the teachers running this club had read up on how to get students to join such a club through stealth means. It’s appalling that schools think they’re the best place to have such clubs. Clubs that are specifically for people with a specific sexual orientation should be very very carefully monitored, however school isn’t the place for them.

I can definitely be persistent MrsOvertonsWindow and I agree Children's sexuality is not a pet project for any teacher to dabble in - even if the are LGB children's emotional health is not something to be played with. It also feels like indoctrination to me.

Soontobe60 if I found that the school had been trying to get them to join this club secretly I think I might explode, that is more than unacceptable that's criminal in my mind and probably is.

Thank you OP for this post. Both of my DCs secondary schools are open about the fact they have rainbow LGBTQ+ groups at lunchtimes, open to all ages, but I wonder how they are safeguarded?

DD told me that the LGBTQ groups are at lunchtimes rather than after school, so that pupils could attend who haven’t come out to their parents yet.

Glad it's useful Wandamakesporridge I suspect these clubs have crept in everywhere.

Should they be encouraging children that it's fine to keep secrets from their parents particularly of they are old enough to have sex ?

For example if I had a gay child I'd be drumming into them the importance of safe sex and risks of penetrative sex in relation to being gay rather than straight.

Also I'd be watching for risks related to that like if I had a gay son and suddenly they started hanging around with much older men I'd be monitoring that closely (although I'd be watching that if they were straight).

Schools do not have rights to unilaterally decide that parents do not have parental responsibility in regards to sexuality.

Thought I'd update everyone I'm part of a local Autism parents support group and posted on the Facebook group (without naming the school) what has been going on and so far all the comments have been supportive and they share my concerns.

I'm so pleased to see that update. More people are becoming aware, and when they rely on what they're seeing with their own eyes, they're concerned about what's going on.

@nauticant

I'm so pleased to see that update. More people are becoming aware, and when they rely on what they're seeing with their own eyes, they're concerned about what's going on.

It's very interesting and a parent is going to ask about it as well as their child attends. So more than one of us will add weight to the seriousness.

Good for you. When the madness starts to subside you'll think "well, at least I stood up when others thought a quiet life would be best".

Well done.

@nauticant

Good for you. When the madness starts to subside you'll think "well, at least I stood up when others thought a quiet life would be best".

Thanks it is difficult to be brave but The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men women to do nothing

Hello @Sickoffamilydrama just wondering how this is going. Have you met with the school yet?