Critic my Letter to DD school regards LGBT club

[Sickoffamilydrama]

I've just found out that our 12 year old autistic DD has been attending a lunch time LGBT club and now tells me she is bisexual, (apparently she needs choose what she is) & suddenly obsessively drawing flags on everything including herself.

She has been exhibiting worsening ticks like pulling her hair really tight and lip licking until above her mouth is sore & finger sucking.

She suddenly has a friend who identifies as a boy as well (I don't care if our daughter is straight, gay or whatever) but I'm worried what has been discussed, she's 12 hasn't gone through puberty yet and shows limited comprehension regarding relationships, she doesn't need to worry about this, or be considering any kind of sexual relationship.

This has left her confused and clearly anxious, I'm beyond livid to see her distress especially as the school are not doing much about her being massively behind and clearly academically struggling.

So help me by looking at the draft wording for a letter to the head of year and the safe guarding lead.

Dear
I writing to you to raise my concerns regarding the school's lunch time LGBT club, which my daughter informs me is open to children in all year groups. Whilst it is admirable the school wish to support pupils, it is inappropriate that sexuality is discussed in a mixed age group.

My daughter who is autistic and vulnerable has recently been attending with her friend, this has left her confused and anxious with her exhibiting increased ticks, some of which are boarding on harmfull.
She tells me that she now needs to choose what sexuality she is and has become anxious she doesn't have a boyfriend or particularly have any sexual feelings towards boys, this has led her to become very distressed culminating in her deciding she must be bisexual. Even though she feels no attraction to girls. She has then obsessively been drawing flags on herself and with her notebooks.

Prior to attending the LGBT club she had never exhibited any of this anxiety around her sexuality, rightly so as she is 12 years old and still in the very early stages of puberty, therefore she should not be considering sex.

I am unclear what is discussed at this club but the mixed age group is clearly a safeguarding issue a 16/17/18 year old should never be talking to a 12 year old about sex or sexuality these age groups have quite different needs and comprehension. This massive difference between young and older teens is recognised in PHSE guidance hence why children are given age appropriate information. They also appears to be no pastoral or any other kind of support attached to this club which is present when PHSE is taught as part of the curriculum, neither was I aware of this club or my daughter attending it until she suddenly became distressed.

There also appears to have been no consideration for children like my daughter who have a disability that disadvantages her compared to her peers.The difficulties in understanding intentions, missing social subtleties, limited peer interactions and often lower emotional age, means that children with autism require more support or they risk misunderstand important information regarding sex and relationships.

I await your response on this matter.

Not sure if I should put less about the distress and confusion she's been exhibiting. Once this letter had gone I'll be raising the stonewall & mermaids links they have on their LGBT web page using safe school alliance templates/advice.

For me I don't care if DD is gay or not tootyfruitypickle it's the eroding of normal boundaries as to who should be discussing sex & sexuality. I agree with you they are making a big deal of it which for kids who are still either not interested/ready to think about this put unnecessary pressure.

I too had a "scripture" club at my school. It was held in a lovely warm classroom where we could all chat about everything rather than braving the (often scary) cold playground.

The cool kids didn't go there; it was populated with the awkward, the geeks, the misfits. We could pretend we believed in God and discuss how terrible a non-Christian world was, and eat our lunch in peace. I loved it.

Still don't believe in God . And thankfully although I was encouraged to embrace Christianity, it didn't involve changing my name, taking any medication or damaging my future.

Looking back, though, there were a few very weird older boys who, with hindsight, weren't there for the religious aspect either. I avoided them.

That's very good news about your MP Sickoffamilydrama

I do think there's a growing awareness of the excesses of all this in relation to children. The professional arrogance of the school in sending you that incoherent, contradictory response is very helpful as in their own words it exposes the lack of safeguarding and potential dangers.

@Sickoffamilydrama Yes, good news your MP is interested enough to send a letter to school, because it might knock some sense into them that this is a significant issue and they must address it properly.

Thats great your MP is on board.

Withdraw her from the school immediately.

@Jackofallsorts

Withdraw her from the school immediately.

Whilst I'm tempted mostly because of the lack of adequate SEN support, it's not something I'd do without lots of consideration as it would spiral her into massive anxiety and probably lots of autistic meltdowns which in the past have led to her physically attacking me or even worse if we aren't 100% on it her siblings. Which is another reason why this club has pissed me off so much as the school doesn't have to deal with the emotional and physical repercussions of their "inclusivity."

So this is the list of questions to reply back with so far you'll see I've copied MrsOvertonsWindow work a lot :

1. What are the aims of the groups?
2. What criteria is used to select children for these groups? How is attendance at the group monitored? If children are involved with other professionals (Safeguarding investigations, Social care, Ed psych) what information is shared with them?
3. What training has the teacher received in order to run groups for such young children about their sexuality?
4. What professional supervision does the school offer the teacher in their role of running groups for children about sex and sexuality?
5. How is parental consent sought ? Are all parents aware that Mr and random 15 / 16 year olds are discussing sexuality and gender identity with children as young as 11 in unstructured groups that are student led? (according to your letter).
6. How does the school ensure that older students have the appropriate safeguarding, child psychology, child development and wisdom that is required of professionals discussing sex and sexuality with children as young as 11.
7. What records are kept of these sessions?
8. What formal safeguarding measures have been put in place to ensure that all discussions are age appropriate (especially if they are student led) and that safeguarding is a priority for children below the age of consent?
9. How are the outcomes of the groups assessed and monitored - on an individual and group basis?

10. What oversight does Senior Management have for these groups? 11. Are similar groups run for children from other protected characteristics? Such as something for autistic girls considering adults with autism are known to have 3 times the level of depression and anxiety than the general population. With autistic girls and women particularly adversely affected. 12. How have 15/16 been trained if a child makes a disclosure of sexual abuse. Are they old enough to be potentially exposed to that kind of traumatic disclosure? 13.How can sexuality be discussed without sex being mentioned therefore how can it not be PHSE? 14. What are the definitions and terminology used, where do these come from do they match PHSE guidance? 15. Are there limits to what is defined, if it's a spontaneous question and answer session doesn't this open it up to some abusing the system and asking for definitions of extreme sexual behaviour?

Think I've covered most things.

I reckon you could do quite a bit of editing to those questions OP.
BUT - as the purpose is to get the school to do what they should have done at the outset, (think about purpose, outcomes, supervision or lack of it, safeguarding, boundaries, age appropriate, protection of children and staff) then it's probably fine?

I am a mother of four children, but long ago, ie. I am a grandmother many times over, I am on this site because I am interested (as a retired feminist academic) about the current situation of children in schools and their mothers concerns about them, I hope you do not mind that I joined to find out what the problems are for mothers and the teaching of sexuality in the schools of your children........I live in Sydney, Australia

Well done for already preparing your response.

“14. What are the definitions and terminology used, where do these come from do they match PHSE guidance? “

I wondered if “do they meet PHSE guidance?” might be a bit vague and invite the answer ‘Yes’, with them assuming it is correct guidance.

So, when you say, “where do these come from” it is important to get a precise answer, as some sources may be incorrect or misleading.

Good point ScrollingLeaves I'm leaving it for a few days before replying so hopefully I'll spot anything else that needs altering.

It might also be worth finding out who the governor is who is tasked with safeguarding and sending them a copy of the letters you send and the schools replies.

Just an update for everyone there school have replied to my 2nd email.
They want to meet to fob me off reassure me after Christmas.

Still no answers to the list of questions... probably because they know that some of the answers will highlight a lack of safe guarding.

Still no answers to the list of questions... probably because they know that some of the answers will highlight a lack of safe guarding.

More likely unwilling to put anything down in writing, might be an idea to ask for your meeting to be minuted.

Being optimistic, your letter will have highlighted a gaping chasm of safeguarding / potential grooming allegations and other related problems that should never be in a school. So maybe they're frantically back peddling in house and trying to sort this so when you meet them, they can do a "yes we reviewed our practices and decided to cancel the whole shitshow make these changes". (It's what I would do if I was that Head).
Or of course, if they're totally Stonewall captured they'll be doubling down and you'll be handwaved away with earnest explanations of the special needs of a "sacred caste"

@TurquoiseBaubles

I too had a "scripture" club at my school. It was held in a lovely warm classroom where we could all chat about everything rather than braving the (often scary) cold playground.

The cool kids didn't go there; it was populated with the awkward, the geeks, the misfits. We could pretend we believed in God and discuss how terrible a non-Christian world was, and eat our lunch in peace. I loved it.

Still don't believe in God . And thankfully although I was encouraged to embrace Christianity, it didn't involve changing my name, taking any medication or damaging my future.

Looking back, though, there were a few very weird older boys who, with hindsight, weren't there for the religious aspect either. I avoided them.

Your last sentence is interesting.

I don't have school age children, but I do get the impression that nowadays women and by extension girls, are being told they must ignore any unease they might have about boys and men acting inappropriately, because they will be accused of not being inclusive and accepting everyone's expression of personality.

@Sickoffamilydrama

Just an update for everyone there school have replied to my 2nd email. They want to meet to fob me off reassure me after Christmas.

Still no answers to the list of questions... probably because they know that some of the answers will highlight a lack of safe guarding.

They’re fobbing you off because they need time to gather a reply.

Well done.

I'd be saying to the school that because the questions would take up the meeting, and possibly not all be addressed in the meeting, then it would make sense in seeking to have a well-structured face-to-face discussion for them to provide answers to your questions in advance of the meeting. This would enable those issues that they're able to reassure you over to be marked as "complete" so that the meeting can focus on those issues that you are still needing reassurance over.

Twitter is full of posts about this school in California that’s had a similar club op, you might like to read a few of this twitter accounts posts , others show the materials they are using to give teachers strategies to hide the groups goals from parents.
twitter.com/libsoftiktok/status/1471418284608159744?s=21

Sorry I think it’s California but not sure actually!

Sarah Phillimore has written an article about the California case

thecritic.co.uk/safeguarding-nightmare/

@nauticant 11.52
That seems a very good approach that it would be difficult to argue with. It would appear to follow a logical, official protocol of some sort such as one a lawyer might adopt.

@nauticant

I'd be saying to the school that because the questions would take up the meeting, and possibly not all be addressed in the meeting, then it would make sense in seeking to have a well-structured face-to-face discussion for them to provide answers to your questions in advance of the meeting. This would enable those issues that they're able to reassure you over to be marked as "complete" so that the meeting can focus on those issues that you are still needing reassurance over.

Mmm that's a good idea.

I had been planning on writing to them after the meeting, so that everything they said was at least in writing but this may be a better tactic.

It will also help me as although I am very articulate and stubborn. I do have a specific processing disorder that means my note taking and memory for the finite details within a meeting are shit well they are more than shit apparently I function in the bottom 3% of the population. Never causes me problems except in stressful situations.

Also Covid is a good excuse to not be meeting F2F another option I could suggest is teams I'm loving the transcription function.

Thanks @eleanorwish & @timeisnotaline interesting and useful also FFS where are the adults?

I like this paragraph within the article I will adapt it if I need to more writing:
Teachers are at the front line in safeguarding children, able to spot a child who is bruised or subdued and to make appropriate referrals to keep them safe. But teachers are not doctors, psychologists or psychiatrists; they have no competence to diagnose a child with gender dysphoria and certainly no business in keeping parents in the dark unless there are some very serious concerns about those parents indeed