Therapist asking if I'm a man, woman or gender neutral.

[aweegc]

I got a feedback form from my therapist (clinical psychologist) yesterday. It's about how I feel things are going and how I feel I've had things explained to me or been treated. All fine. I've had it before but this time the last question (it's not obligatory to complete the form but if you do then you can't skip question) the last one was "Are you a man / woman /gender neutral? The very last page had a text box for extra comments. I used it and went to town. My therapist doesn't write these forms, but I was really pissed off.

The thing is, I'm having long term trauma therapy and the majority of those traumas are due specifically to me being - not identifying as - female. Of course, I know all the politics around all this, I've seen this question on forms (or similar) a hundred times, I've had rape threats because of my biological understandings etc, but to have this question in a therapeutic setting has completely thrown me. Especially when male violence is about to become a big part of our work.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this post. I am trying to get out of a relationship that was 13 years of gaslighting. That feeling when you're being gaslighted and you're not sure what's going on, you're sure you're right but you no longer know where up is, who you trust etc is back.

If she believes that a man who identifies as a woman because he at least in part finds it sexually thrilling to be victimised by men IS a woman, then where do my experiences of being sexually victimised because I am a woman fit in? I feel that that man and I are definitely not the same, but I've just been categorised as the same in her eyes.

I actually ticked gender neutral and wrote - amongst other things - that I'm not that either but as I was forced to give an inaccurate answer, that was the one I chose.

If anybody can untangle my thoughts here I'd be most grateful. I'll be talking to her about the form next session anyway but I feel so "gaslighting confused" that I am not even sure I can explain why I feel gaslighted/gaslit. And it's extremely strange because I'm normally very, very clear about all aspects of this.

I'm also really fucking pissed off that because of a tiny minority of people - amongst whom the adult majority are men - my sex-based experiences and existence is undermined by no longer being sex-based.

Maybe I should have identified as "anything but biologically female" earlier in life, because then I'd not have been raped or sexually assaulted so much?

@SaltyPepper given today's ruling by the IOC do you still think all of this is a joke?

There's a thread on it. Many mainstream media is now carrying the story. Don't take my word for it, go and read how it will now be possible for men to compete in wens sport without having to do anything to ameliorate their natural physical advantages.

Think that through... not just about medals, funding etc, consider contact sports.

Still laughing?

[quote HoardingSamphireSaurus]@SaltyPepper given today's ruling by the IOC do you still think all of this is a joke?

There's a thread on it. Many mainstream media is now carrying the story. Don't take my word for it, go and read how it will now be possible for men to compete in wens sport without having to do anything to ameliorate their natural physical advantages.

Think that through... not just about medals, funding etc, consider contact sports.

Still laughing?[/quote]
There is no point to @Hoarding - Salty does not care. Salty is probably delighted with that ruling - show us who is boss and all that.

Save your energy and your mood!

@SaltyPepper it astonishes me that you care so much about the inclusion of such a question but not the material pain of a rape survivor. So it’s be kind to everyone apart from women who have suffered sexual assault, the cognitive dissonance is astounding
Lol

Thought some of you might be interested in an update.

Told the therapist that I didn't believe my gender identity on the days I was raped had any influence on my rapists, but my biological sex did. She emphatically agreed. There then ensued a long conversation about all aspects of this relating to women's rights and safeguarding vulnerable children. I just explained issues. Gave examples - JKR being one both recently and going back to her "first" tweet, the ad removed from Waverley etc, puberty blockers, examples of discussions I've had in the past few weeks where language has been policed, female inmates in California being provided with Plan B and condoms.

She was quite clear that she saw the problems. Said that she'd not been following too closely, but heard a few strange things from her teen. I told her that's the same as most people and exactly how the situation has reached one where that question appeared on the form.

She suggested I write an article about it (we're not in the U.K.). I then told her why that was something in my situation I couldn't do and gave the example of the student at the Metanoia Institute (forgotten his name - apologies) who lost his place on the course because of his tweet (I'm a student in a similar field) not agreeing with the institute's principles.

Talked about how identifying out of being female implicitly victim blames women who are raped: women are biggest victims of rape, if you're not a woman, you reduce your likelihood of being raped - after all, according to gender ideology, sex is irrelevant. She was appalled at this.

Discussed how Be Kind is for women to move over, never used to improve the treatment of female-identifying males better by men.

Her eyes were very much open by then end.

It was definitely worth raising it - although I was actually quite afraid of how it would go - because if she had thought that gender overruled sex, then I would have known it wasn't going to be the place for me. I couldn't have had any more therapy either with a question mark over this. So now I look forward to the continuation of the bloody nightmare that is trauma therapy! 😂

Well done, you - what a fantastic update.

Thanks for the update OP, I wanted to say, fully in the knowledge of how ridiculous it sounds, that you were very brave to raise the subject and respond in this way and how pleased I am that it didn't result in you needing to find another therapist.

(It shouldn't be brave to speak the very obvious truth, honesty is needed in therapy anyway, but this is one area where it takes extra guts and I think you should feel proud of yourself, especially so given the context of why you are there in the first place.)

A good news story

That's brilliant. I'm so glad you were able to talk to her about this and that she got it!

If anybody can untangle my thoughts here I'd be most grateful.

Your thoughts aren’t tangled, aweegc. You are heroically sane. I was going to say It’s the world that’s gone mad. But it isn’t the world, just (unfortunately) those who shout loudly enough to scare the authorities into obeying them.

Well done for persevering with the therapist and opening her eyes. I hope you can also break out of the gaslighting relationship and find the happiness you deserve.

Brava!