Being called darling by a male bar worker

[ValerieCupcake]

Exactly that. I had that on Saturday. The guy is in his 20s and I am old enough to be his mum. He was a good worker, friendly, nice etc. But I hate the term darling anyway and don't allow anyone to say it [though I would normally ignore it if it was a shop I went in as a one off, not worth mentioning]. We were having lunch and were there for two hours [service slow, v.busy] and had to keep going to the bar for starters, main, dessert, drinks. I was called darling at least ten times, often in the same sentence more than once. I didn't point it out to him but called him Toots and Sweetie. He was oblivious.

What are your takes on this?

The woman who serves me in my local cafe says this all the time. I don't mind. But I've been a customer there for a long time, often get to know them a little bit. I'm twice her age. I think she thinks I'm an old dear.

I've noticed I've slipped into calling two men I work with darling. I'm very fond of both and it's mutual (we've worked together for ages) it's just sort of happened and I do think oops, maybe a bit too much. One's gay so that's okay but I don't want the other to think I fancy him.

A minefield.

wouldnt have bothered me , i can get called love by a bloke repeatdly and it just goes over my head , im pretty chilled out really , arent there more important things to be fussing about ?

It's alright by me as long as it's not said by Charlie Drake...

It really is a minefield, just reading this thread you can see everyone prefers something different, and for different reasons.
I try to avoid any of these words because although 99 people might like it, one won't and its not worth the grief. If it's a particularly formal situation and I don't know names I'll use sir or madam but even madam is offensive to some.

Casual sexism annoys me. But not enough to say anything in this context.

I've had female bar staff call me darling as well as male, so that doesn't bother me.

I had a boss that called me "babe" though "can you do xyz, thanks babe" "no problem darrrrrrling" he soon stopped.

arent there more important things to be fussing about?
Doesn't matter if there are though does it? You an start a thread on what you like, and this obviously pissed OP off. Fair play to her, she doesn't have to pretend she likes being called darling or love or babe or whatever.

It depends on who's saying it.
If it is said kindly by someone you know, it's fine, but if it''s someone serving you it's overfamiliar.

It depends on context. It can be felt as overfamiliar, and as such it puts you in a weak position.

Do people really get bothered by this...?

Doesn't bother me in the slightest. But I call everyone duck or love, young or old.

I like endearments, cheers me up!

I worked in bars for years and referred to most as sweetheart, hun, love... it's just normal.
If you don't like it, just say.

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

Do people really get bothered by this...?

I wish it's all I had to worry about!

@AllThingsServeTheBeam why would you think that this is all the OP has to worry about? Clearly people can have minor irritations alongside having opinions about lots of other topics.

It's rude, so of course people are bothered. Like the little shit on the till in Waitrose, sixteen if he was a day, who called me 'love'. Don't belittle me, you pathetic little boy.

But I had no objection to the two grown men working in my yard today calling me 'Sweets'. They were just being nice to an old lady. Perhaps it's not so much what you say, as how you say it.

[quote AssassinatedBeauty]@AllThingsServeTheBeam why would you think that this is all the OP has to worry about? Clearly people can have minor irritations alongside having opinions about lots of other topics. [/quote]
I wasn't answering the OP

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle

It's rude, so of course people are bothered. Like the little shit on the till in Waitrose, sixteen if he was a day, who called me 'love'. Don't belittle me, you pathetic little boy.

But I had no objection to the two grown men working in my yard today calling me 'Sweets'. They were just being nice to an old lady. Perhaps it's not so much what you say, as how you say it.

It's not rude in the slightest

Wouldn’t bother me. Different regions use different phrases.

@KevinTheKoala

Personally I prefer mate/pal but darling from a bar staff wouldn't bother me if it was clearly just a verbal tick although when I used to take phone calls for a take-away I had one customer who would call me either babe or gorgeous. In every single sentence that got annoying very fast.

That is terrible. It sounds like the stuff weird chaps say in OLD!

@AllThingsServeTheBeam ....

Why would you think that this is all anyone has to worry about? Clearly people can have minor irritations alongside having opinions about lots of other topics.

Wouldn't bother me at all

If someone called me Madame or Ma'am, I'd feel like I looked a lot older than I am (mid 20s). I would rather be called Miss.

[quote AssassinatedBeauty]@AllThingsServeTheBeam ....

Why would you think that this is all anyone has to worry about? Clearly people can have minor irritations alongside having opinions about lots of other topics. [/quote]
It was obviously light hearted. Ffs.