Being called darling by a male bar worker

[ValerieCupcake]

Exactly that. I had that on Saturday. The guy is in his 20s and I am old enough to be his mum. He was a good worker, friendly, nice etc. But I hate the term darling anyway and don't allow anyone to say it [though I would normally ignore it if it was a shop I went in as a one off, not worth mentioning]. We were having lunch and were there for two hours [service slow, v.busy] and had to keep going to the bar for starters, main, dessert, drinks. I was called darling at least ten times, often in the same sentence more than once. I didn't point it out to him but called him Toots and Sweetie. He was oblivious.

What are your takes on this?

We don't need to be called anything.
I don't want to be darling, dear, love, babe, babes, hun, miss, madam, duck, chuck, mate, my lover or any of them.

I quite like terms of endearment as long as they aren't used to he patronising.
A man came up behind me and asked "Are you in the queue darling?" and it was obvious he was just trying to be polite and it's just the correct/nice term to use for women in his head. I don't mind. Darling always makes me think of Lady and The Tramp - Jim Dear and Darling.

I don't mind being called mate either though. Miss always wins. Love a good "yes miss/no miss" in answer to a question I've asked.

Doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I quite like it.

What really does make the red mist descend though is "Bless". As an older woman, I am finding this is used with increasing frequency when I'm being addressed. Usually by younger women, now I come to think about it.

So bloody patronising. I never let it go unchallenged.

@KirstenBlest

We don't need to be called anything. I don't want to be darling, dear, love, babe, babes, hun, miss, madam, duck, chuck, mate, my lover or any of them.

You'd hate my home town

It's rude, so of course people are bothered. Like the little shit on the till in Waitrose, sixteen if he was a day, who called me 'love'. Don't belittle me, you pathetic little boy.

'Little shit' ?? You sound a nasty piece of work. That's someone's son.

And they should be thoroughly ashamed if him, as I said at the time. I am quite sure that they would expect him to be polite in the workplace. If not, they are no better than him.

I call everyone love, darling and I think I have even used sweetie. Men, women and kids. It just comes naturally to some people, I think its like a way of acknowledging someone when you are busy iykwim. Like you are too busy to spend time on whatever they want but dont want to appear rude.

@DoesHePlayTheFiddle

And they should be thoroughly ashamed if him, as I said at the time. I am quite sure that they would expect him to be polite in the workplace. If not, they are no better than him.

What the fuck? He did nothing wrong. I would be thoroughly ashamed if I was related to you! Jesus

@AllThingsServeTheBeam, dunno. I dislike it here because I hear it from shop staff who are probably not mother-tongue english speakers, so it seems dismissive

If it's a shop assistant or someone who has known me as a custfor years and they greet me with 'Hiya love', it doesn't bother me.

customer for

This doesn't bother me at all, I grew up in a region where customers and other people are routinely addressed with endearments.

Darling, love, pet and me duck are used for both men and women all over the UK.

If it's a regional term I'm fine with it.
Context and tone is everything.

You might have but I wasn't, and I generally dislike it. I'm not alone.

One of my neighbours does it, and he didn't grow up locally. He's nice but it's overfamiliar. I'm not his darling

@KirstenBlest

You might have but I wasn't, and I generally dislike it. I'm not alone.

One of my neighbours does it, and he didn't grow up locally. He's nice but it's overfamiliar. I'm not his darling

The postman isn't a duck and neither am I but the convo at the door this morning went

'E ah duck'

'Thanks duck. T'ra'

I don't normally mind, but from a much younger man towards me I would find it uncomfortable.

@AllThingsServeTheBeam, I think that my postie calls me love but it's usually the same one and I'm always apologising about it being a parcel, so it doesn't bother me.

Supermarket assistant young enough to be my child saying 'this till is closed, darling' or 'could you wait over there darling' then the darling was unnecessary and seems patronising.

Neighbour's english isn't great, so somewhere he has picked up the habit of adding darling, and it's not just him doing it

[quote KirstenBlest]@AllThingsServeTheBeam, I think that my postie calls me love but it's usually the same one and I'm always apologising about it being a parcel, so it doesn't bother me.

Supermarket assistant young enough to be my child saying 'this till is closed, darling' or 'could you wait over there darling' then the darling was unnecessary and seems patronising.

Neighbour's english isn't great, so somewhere he has picked up the habit of adding darling, and it's not just him doing it[/quote]
I just don't see that at patronising in the slightest. It literally wouldn't even register in my mind. I probably wouldn't even notice!

@maddy68

Where I used to live everyone was called darling or love. It's a term of endearment. Some people dont have enough to worry about IMHO

Well said!

I have plenty to worry about and can do without being called darling, when it isn't appropriate.

@KirstenBlest

I have plenty to worry about and can do without being called darling, when it isn't appropriate.

What do you do when you get called darling?

I say 'Please don't call me darling, I don't like it'.

With the neighbour, I just say 'Hello Firstname' in the hope that he'll get the hint.

If your neighbour's first language isn't English then I think dropping hints is both futile and unfair - you need to be more direct.

*I was called 'Ma'am' once (as in calm) by someone in military uniform - now that was weird and ultra patronizing

Really? I like "Ma'am". There's neverv the slightest doubt it's being used to be polite.

In what way was that patronising?*

As with many things - it was as much the tone of delivery and the accompanying facial expression. Young Army cadet (17yrs tops) in charge of car parking at a local event - called into question my car parking ability. Please believe me when I say the contempt was palpable.

@Obecalp

I quite like terms of endearment as long as they aren't used to he patronising. A man came up behind me and asked "Are you in the queue darling?" and it was obvious he was just trying to be polite and it's just the correct/nice term to use for women in his head. I don't mind. Darling always makes me think of Lady and The Tramp - Jim Dear and Darling.

I don't mind being called mate either though. Miss always wins. Love a good "yes miss/no miss" in answer to a question I've asked.

"hun" is one of the most aggressive aggressive patronising words going nowadays.

I think "Hi there" or "can I help you?" or "hello" or "I'm laetitia, what's your name" are all infinitely preferable to any of mate, darlin, darling, luv, hun.

@DPotter

*I was called 'Ma'am' once (as in calm) by someone in military uniform - now that was weird and ultra patronizing

Really? I like "Ma'am". There's neverv the slightest doubt it's being used to be polite.

In what way was that patronising?*

As with many things - it was as much the tone of delivery and the accompanying facial expression. Young Army cadet (17yrs tops) in charge of car parking at a local event - called into question my car parking ability. Please believe me when I say the contempt was palpable.

I think Ma'am (and Sir) are disgusting. They imply that the person is an arselicker or genuinely beleives themselves to be inferior. I detest arselickers and I detest people who think that they are better than me or that I am better than anyone else.