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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Why are they in a hospital bed? (Adoption related)

212 replies

FightingtheFoo · 04/09/2021 19:08

I just want to be clear this has nothing to do with the parents in question being a same-sex couple. I feel equally about surrogacy whether it's Kim Kardashian buying a baby or Pete Buttigieg.

With that disclaimer:

Why on earth is he posing in a hospital bed?

I just find the absolute airbrushing out of the woman who actually carried, nurtured and gave birth to those babies for 9 months horrifying.

https://twitter.com/PeteButtigieg/status/1434167993769111552

Why are they in a hospital bed? (Adoption related)
OP posts:
OvaHere · 04/09/2021 19:20

It's an odd choice for a photo but I suppose it's possible, given it's America and you get what you pay for, they've been staying over at the hospital in their own room.

I hope that's it anyway because the alternative explanation is that they moved a woman who's just given birth out of her bed.

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 04/09/2021 19:23

I'm guessing they paid for bed so they can look after the babies in the hospital?

Passmeamenuatthetottenham · 04/09/2021 19:23

I don't think the twins are from a surrogate mother, from what I have read they have been adopted. So I guess there are obvious reason why the mother might not be identified etc. I don't know how adoption works in the US but I think it's quite different from here and you can adopt from birth.

Don't know why they are occupying a hospital bed though?

KimikosNightmare · 04/09/2021 19:23

This isn't a surrogacy case. Pete Buttigeig and his partner were on an adoption waiting list.

This couldn’t happen under UK law but presumably US law allows a women to decide before, or immediately after birth, that the child will be put up for adoption.

The Washington Post reported in Julythat the Buttigiegs had put themselves on lists to adopt a baby or babies abandoned or surrendered, and were preparing by “going through home studies and parenting workshops, writing up descriptions of their family values and ideal weekends”

Chasten, a part-time drama school teacher, described how he received a call about a mother in labour wanting to place her baby for adoption. The mother then changed her mind

www.theguardian.com/us-news/2021/sep/04/pete-buttigieg-husband-chasten-adopted-twins

Passmeamenuatthetottenham · 04/09/2021 19:24

Yes, it's all private in America isn't it so they probably just paid for a room I guess. Still a bit strange though.

HerculesMulligan · 04/09/2021 19:26

Yes, they are adopting their twins, rather than using a surrogate. If either baby was unwell at birth, it's possible that one of them is staying in the hospital with them overnight. I don't think this is the 'airbrushing' situation you imagine, though I have always had concerns about the baby's experience of any surrogacy arrangement.

Simonjt · 04/09/2021 19:28

[quote FightingtheFoo]I just want to be clear this has nothing to do with the parents in question being a same-sex couple. I feel equally about surrogacy whether it's Kim Kardashian buying a baby or Pete Buttigieg.

With that disclaimer:

Why on earth is he posing in a hospital bed?

I just find the absolute airbrushing out of the woman who actually carried, nurtured and gave birth to those babies for 9 months horrifying.

[[https://twitter.com/PeteButtigieg/status/1434167993769111552]][/quote]
So you want birth mothers to be identified and praised when their child/ren are adopted?

Hospital rooms don’t come with sofas, the bed is likely the only place to actually sit.

FTEngineerM · 04/09/2021 19:33

I just find the absolute airbrushing out of the woman who actually carried, nurtured and gave birth to those babies for 9 months horrifying.

Shall we make a ‘women who give up babies’ section in the newspaper or something? 🤷🏽‍♀️🧐 don’t get what you want.

CBUK2K2 · 04/09/2021 19:37

Or one of them was in hospital and the other took the babies to see them?

Imasoulman · 04/09/2021 19:38

What on earth gave you the idea this was a surrogacy?
Just jumping to conclusions I guess ?

As the babies have been adopted I would imagine the mother just wants to stay out of the limelight.
I'm sure it's not been an easy journey for her.

Frankly who cares if they are sitting on a bed !

Shame you felt the need to suck the joy out of a lovely family moment.

StarshipsAreMeantToFly · 04/09/2021 19:47

There probably wasn't a big enough chair or a sofa for them to both sit on.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 04/09/2021 19:53

Surely it's a family photo of the two parents as they are the parents? A friend of mine used a surrogate and the surrogate said that she never once looked at the kid as hers.

FightingtheFoo · 04/09/2021 19:56

Fair play and I stand corrected - I assumed this was surrogacy rather than adoption.

OP posts:
KimikosNightmare · 04/09/2021 19:57

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

Surely it's a family photo of the two parents as they are the parents? A friend of mine used a surrogate and the surrogate said that she never once looked at the kid as hers.
It isn't a surrogacy situation. If I were the OP I would ask for this thread to be pulled.
FightingtheFoo · 04/09/2021 19:57

@AwaAnBileYerHeid

Surely it's a family photo of the two parents as they are the parents? A friend of mine used a surrogate and the surrogate said that she never once looked at the kid as hers.
Yes. I haven't disputed that. I was simply puzzled (and tbh still am) as to why they're in a hospital bed with newborns.

Usually it's a picture of a woman who's just given birth you see in a hospital bed holding a newborn in her arms for these kinds of "welcome to the world" pics.

OP posts:
FightingtheFoo · 04/09/2021 20:00

@CBUK2K2

Or one of them was in hospital and the other took the babies to see them?
I doubt the hospital would allow that given Covid restrictions
OP posts:
KimikosNightmare · 04/09/2021 20:00

Oh fgs sake OP - Give it a rest. They are in hospital presumably because the babies are in hospital. As others have said hospital rooms don't tend to come equipped with 2 seater sofas.

Hoowhoowho · 04/09/2021 20:15

The hospital bed doesn’t bother me but the US newborn adoption system is as ethically questionable as surrogacy.

Women ‘match’ usually during pregnancy with prospective parents
They are paid expenses which they often feel pressure to give back if they choose not to place the baby
The prospective parents are often present at the birth, they are often pressured to sign relinquishments within hours of birth
There is pressure to move states to avoid the baby’s father staking any claim to the baby as in some states, a father has to register his interest prior to the birth whether or not he knows the women is pregnant, whether or not he knows she will go to that state.
In many states open adoption agreements are unenforceable
Counselling is often coercive and many women receive neither independent counselling or legal advice

The newborn adoption system in the US sidelines mothers just as surely as surrogacy.

PurpleOkapi · 04/09/2021 20:17

American chiming in here:

I initially assumed it was surrogacy, too, based on the bed. If they had an existing relationship with a surrogate, and she was comfortable with their presence, then it would make sense for them to be in her room. It's believable that she'd be ok with them using her room and even her bed for a photo shoot. But if they adopted the children of someone they'd never met, then obviously they wouldn't be in her room using her bed as a prop. So it must have been an empty room, which raises other questions.

The American media talks incessantly about covid-related hospital bed shortages. I understand that the beds themselves aren't literally what they're running out of (though you see occasional stories about patients lying on floors). I don't know which hospital this was or whether that area has a shortage currently. But neither do most people who just look at the picture, so an unknown hospital letting non-patients use an empty room and bed for a photo op is obviously going to raise eyebrows.

I've never heard of someone booking a hospital room as though it were a hotel, and even if that were allowed ordinarily, I guarantee it wouldn't be for normal people during covid. Pediatric rooms usually have some kind of furniture parents can sleep on, like a sofa or recliner or futon, but generally not an extra hospital bed.

Also, the waiting list for adopting a surrendered newborns in the US is a lot longer than a few months, so either they've been on it for years and it just now became public, or they used their connections to jump the line.

Pinkyjack · 04/09/2021 20:22

Does anyone really care what the situation is 🤣

TrifleCat · 04/09/2021 20:30

The UK adoption system starts from the premise of loss - acknowledging the child has lost its biological parents and the negative impact this can have. I am deeply uncomfortable with the American narrative that adoption is only something to celebrate, it isn’t, it starts with loss.

Also interesting that states are now banning abortion whilst we see the media push the rosy picture of separating a baby from its biological mother.

bookworm14 · 04/09/2021 20:35

Well, good for them for adopting two babies and giving them a loving home.

CorrBlimeyGG · 04/09/2021 20:43

Time to address your unconscious bias OP.

PrincessNutella · 04/09/2021 21:08

Let me assure you that the standard hospital room in the U.S. does come with chairs. There is generally one for every bed. So there is no excuse for that bullshit. Patients are the only ones who are supposed to sit on the beds. It is frowned upon for other people to touch them.

Simonjt · 04/09/2021 21:11

@PrincessNutella

Let me assure you that the standard hospital room in the U.S. does come with chairs. There is generally one for every bed. So there is no excuse for that bullshit. Patients are the only ones who are supposed to sit on the beds. It is frowned upon for other people to touch them.
So you expect one parent to be stood all the time, including when feeding their new born baby?
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