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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

10yo Daughter wants to go to pride

141 replies

NeedDDadvice · 19/08/2021 20:46

Deliberately posted on sex and gender topic. Please don't move

Yes, I name changed. I want advice free of my previous posts on Mumsnet. I am an old poster of the COD and Riven era!

My 10yo daughter who has pictures of all sorts of flags on her bedroom wall, asked me to take her to pride.

My response was yes, if I can find a family friendly one. She asked what might be inappropriate and I said men dressed in leather dog suits. We both laughed.

She doesn't have a label yet but is so interested in the pride flags.

She thinks that because I don't believe in gendering, that I am Transphobic. Which is ridiculous. As I pointed out if I don't believe in Christianity that doesn't make me Christianphobic.

All my children have been raised to look for evidence, to debate ideas, not to blindly fall into an ideology.

I am worried about this blind faith in trans and LGBT+. I believe in the Lesbian, Gay and Bi sexualities but the rest is personalities or gender woo woo.

She is very like me at that age wears so called boy clothes etc. I have been very clear that it doesn't matter what DD or my DS wears from any department. Clothes, haircuts mean nothing to me, as a 70's kid.

I don't want her to be sucked into gendering and lose the ability to debate and research the evidence and looking for the science and reality of the subject.

I will start to take her to any womens right march's locally and of course find the best family friendly pride event to attend as well.

How do I help her keep her mind working?

Ps. I said I didn't care if she brought a woman or a man home to meet us in the future but I would struggle not to lol if they quote a genderism label at me. (A joke, I will of course be very welcoming to any new member of our family)

OP posts:
GCmiddle · 19/08/2021 23:13

She's 10 years old . Tell her labels are not necessary for anyone her age and try to divert her towards more age appropriate topics and activities.

54321nought · 19/08/2021 23:19

I think she is too young for pride, there is a lot of overtly sexualised behaviour, and yes, why would you want her to witness men dressed in leather dog suits or other fetishes?

LizzieSiddal · 19/08/2021 23:23

I too would tell her Pride isn’t appropriate for children her age, she can go when she’s older if she wants to.

Original poster
NeedDDadvice · 19/08/2021 23:28

@GCmiddle

She's 10 years old . Tell her labels are not necessary for anyone her age and try to divert her towards more age appropriate topics and activities.
Yes, She goes to a couple of extra school activities. Time to find another one.
OP posts:
Original poster
NeedDDadvice · 19/08/2021 23:30

Yes, I don't think it is appropriate either. I said I would watch the video of the last local one and make a decision then.

But I think she is too young.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeedDDadvice · 19/08/2021 23:31

I am just wary of banned things become more desirable.

OP posts:
NoraEphronsNeck · 19/08/2021 23:33

My 15 year old wanted to go because all her friends were going in skimpy bikini tops but I said no way.

I tried to explain about the overt sexual nature of it. She cried and wailed and felt left out but so be it.

She called me a transphobe and a prude with a little aside about kink-shaking Hmm

I don't care, she didn't go and we'll cross the same bridge again next year.

It has turned into a vile event and I don't understand why people cannot see what is happening in plain sight.

PieceOfString · 19/08/2021 23:33

Pride events can be pretty full on with in your face sexual behaviour (i.e stilt walkers dry humping, drag queens licking faces... ) a lot of it quite farcical but I wouldn't be taking a 10yo. Any ideas what started of the particular interest?

pleasekeeptotheright · 19/08/2021 23:36

She's too young so that's that.

Iluvfriends · 19/08/2021 23:41

At 10 years old my dc were only interested in playing out with friends. What the hell is happening to kids these days.
Pride is not a family event , I as an adult am uncomfortable with what pride has become and wont be attending another.

KarmaViolet · 19/08/2021 23:48

Pride has only just happened so presumably you're looking at future Prides for June 2022? Which one in particular?

I've taken my child to the London one - if you go in the day to Golden Square it is family friendly and DD liked seeing other families like ours. There was nothing more exotic than face painting happening there. Obviously a bit different in Soho Square at midnight.

We're a two-mum family and I would not be joking with DD even at 10 about leather dog suits.

If you want a women's event and are genuinely ok with lesbians take her to FiLiA in October.

Siepie · 19/08/2021 23:58

I’ve taken my nieces to our local pride, with their parents’ agreement.

It’s basically a few stalls in a field, some local musicians and some overpriced food vans. The most shocking thing was the price of the rainbow hair extensions that my niece begged me to buy her!

DP and I (both women) be taking baby DS when pride restarts after covid.

Of course different prides aren’t all like that, but calling pride as a whole “a vile event” is just ignorant.

Original poster
NeedDDadvice · 20/08/2021 00:22

Filia would be great but Portsmouth is too far. But the Cardiff or Glasgow ones might be doable in the future.

I wanted to go myself. I have recently started to get more involved in romeos rights. I did leafletting with Fair Play fir Wimen a few years back. Did a local walk against violence, wish I had took DD along. But worried anti protestors might of been there.

This started as her good friend at school is now a lesbian.

Personally I doubt any kids under 15yo has any understanding of sexuality and they are far too young to bother about this type of labelling.

My sister is a lesbian, so it would be no issue if my DD was gay or my DS. Many years in the future when they are mature enough to understand what relationships are about.

OP posts:
quixote9 · 20/08/2021 05:51

I'd worry about the desirability of banned things, too. I know when I was 10 if somebody said I was too young for something, the object of my life became to find out more about it. Confused

Try phrasing it some other way. No good idea how, though. Maybe no need to. Just say "We're going to Filia, which is cool."

oldwomanwhoruns · 20/08/2021 07:25

No don't take her OP, your gut feelings are oh so right. Take her to a family-friendly music festival instead. Get her involved in sports. Riding lessons perhaps? Anything anything rather than the gender swamp.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 20/08/2021 07:30

Hmm. My eldest is 9 and has been to many prides over the years as I am a lesbian. Definitely not too young and definitely not 'a vile event'. I'm not desperately keen on him spending too long with the leather puppies (although he was enchanted by them at about five Grin) but I dont find it any worse than plenty of displays of heterosexuality which are apparently deemed appropriate for children ("stop that sexy woman!" in the Paddington film made me wince for eg).

I have to say "children under 15 don't understand sexuality" doesn't capture my experience either. I was very clear i was a lesbian at age 13, in spite of section 28 being in place and having no visible role models in day to day life (and no positive role models in the media). As young as 10, I'm not sure. Plenty of children perform heterosexuality at age 10. I'm not saying there's not a weird fashion moment for all things LGBT+, or that it's not something to challenge, but the assertions about 'inappropriate' pride and young people not understanding sexuality are problematic for me.

Forgotthebins · 20/08/2021 07:36

There are all sorts of different Pride events. I probably wouldn’t take kids to London or Brighton right now just because of the crowds, but there will be lovely events around the fringes and like PP said, lots of quite low-key local ones. I very much want my kids to be able to go to family-friendly Pride events as part of understanding that the same-sex parent families we are friends with may have had quite a different experience. If that leads to a discussion about the fact that I have a different view on gender identity than many people at Pride, well then we have that discussion. I get that you are worried about the impact of gender identity discussions on your DD but isn’t it great she wants to go and explore a Pride event WITH you?

PhiRhoSigma · 20/08/2021 07:48

Offer her a day out at the national Space Centre instead. Much more fun at age 10 and plenty to 'keep her mind working'.

Or Alton Towers.

Tibtom · 20/08/2021 07:55

Five year olds enchanted by aroused men acting out their sexual fetish? Confused. No I can't see anything inappropriate there... Hmm

MarshmallowSwede · 20/08/2021 07:57

How did she find out about the event? I’m curious how a 10yr old finds out about pride. It’s not for a child her age and I would say it’s for 18plus. I wouldn’t even let my teenager go as it’s, as others have mentioned, highly sexualized. It’s not a child or family event regardless of what is being told.

Wigglegiggle0520 · 20/08/2021 08:07

@Tibtom

Five year olds enchanted by aroused men acting out their sexual fetish? Confused. No I can't see anything inappropriate there... Hmm
This Envy (not envy)
EishetChayil · 20/08/2021 08:11

She doesn't have a label yet

This is so depressing. Why does she need one? She isn't supermarket produce.

UnGoogled · 20/08/2021 08:17

She's so young! I would deflect, there are plenty of things a 10yo can't do, or go to, or watch. Pride is one of those things. Make it about the bigger picture rather than Pride specifically, and keep a very, VERY sharp eye on her internet activity.

PamDenick · 20/08/2021 08:22

An interesting dilemma...
It may be that in a years time, she is at a school that is a Stonewall Champion or celebratesPride month and if celebrating aroused men dressed in leather is appropriate for children, then go ahead...

trancepants · 20/08/2021 08:31

I've been to plenty of local Pride events with DS which are completely family friendly. Free bouncy castles, a dance floor with a mix of live music and djs, discount kayaking and water zorbing. Plenty of people in costumes but nothing inappropriate for the children that were present. Just a really nice day out with a genuinely fun pleasant atmosphere. The last parade I was at also gave prominence to a group protesting on women's health issues.

I'm not saying that there aren't parades/events that are inappropriate for children. But there are plenty that are actually pretty fantastic days out and are good for children to experience.

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