Interesting experience with public toilets

[Rosalisa]

Presented with just one comment. I had to fly from Scotland to London last week. Bit bleary and unfamiliar with Luton. Inadvertently opened the door to the men's, I was met with horror so backed out, no bother.

Into the women's. Where a man was coming out of a cubicle, short hair, no make-up, t shirt and jeans, beard. Perfectly pleasant but completely unchallenged by anyone including the male attendant.

I think I've been really sheltered in the highlands.

No thank you.

Given that figures suggest at least 20% of women have experienced sexual assault and/or rape, and over 858% of sexual assaults are carried out by males, there are rather a lot of women who potentially have trauma around males.

I'd go so far as to say those figures are a massive underestimate, and that MOST women have experience of sexual assault.

It's the norm, not the exception, to have experienced sexual assault at the hands of a male.

Chickenyhead

Er, 858% is quite a figure. Obviously I mean 85%. And I might need to double check that stat now!

That’s does sound very scary. But I am not sure what it has to do with the OP which doesn’t describe a situation anything like that. Or is this now a thread where we just post situations that we have been in that were terrifying. I have no doubt we can all come up with situations we have been terrified but it doesn’t have anything to do with the scenario the OP posted.

It's basically exactly the scenario chickeny posted though, so I think you should stop digging.

@ArabellaScott

Er, 858% is quite a figure. Obviously I mean 85%. And I might need to double check that stat now!

New stats published last week. 99% of sexual offenders are male.

www.womenarehuman.com/transgender-sexual-offending-context-is-all

@PurgatoryOfPotholes

That’s does sound very scary. But I am not sure what it has to do with the OP which doesn’t describe a situation anything like that. Or is this now a thread where we just post situations that we have been in that were terrifying. I have no doubt we can all come up with situations we have been terrified but it doesn’t have anything to do with the scenario the OP posted.

It's basically exactly the scenario chickeny posted though, so I think you should stop digging.

That has already been identified by another poster as a completely different hypothetical. Posting a load of different scenarios and then saying how scary they are is not relevant to the OP at all other than to try and whip posters up into a frenzy. I have to question why posters are feeling the need to post about other, in some cases, hypothetical situations rather than just engage with the OP on the scenario she experienced.

@WookeyHole

This just makes me think there needs to be some sort of concerted women's week of action, all of us identifying as male and using the men's loos to see how they like it.

The problem is we are not a threat to them, so this will just confirm that sharing is not a problem. I do think we need to mobilise in a more meaningful way though.

Oh dear.

B e c a u s e, if it can happen during the day, it can happen at night. Because, if that entitlement exists, it exists 24/7.

Quite obvious.

She came up with the hypothetical and then described it as onjectively ‘fucking terrifying’

I would find the scenario fucking terrifying too. Please refrain from minimising women's experiences.

New stats published last week. 99% of sexual offenders are male.

I misread that as 99% of males are sexual offenders initially and I wasn't surprised.

@Jorriss

She came up with the hypothetical and then described it as onjectively ‘fucking terrifying’

I would find the scenario fucking terrifying too. Please refrain from minimising women's experiences.

Please read the thread

I think the words you might be looking for, korawick12345 are something along the lines of: 'I'm sorry, I have clearly misunderstood this thread.'

And then maybe you could have a think about why so many women find it terrifying to be unexpectedly alone alone and in an enclosed space with a man?

Alternatively you can choose to carry on digging yourself in, should you so wish, in which case I'm sure we shall all note how your contributions are deflecting from the thread, draw our own conclusions and move on.

Anyway back to this point:
New stats published last week. 99% of sexual offenders are male.

And this:
It's the norm, not the exception, to have experienced sexual assault at the hands of a male.

I have read the thread. That you are presiding over ready to pounce and minimise people's experiences. No-one owe you any explanation for how they feel at all. I'm absolutely sick of people minimising and belittling women's experiences and feelings. Enough is enough.

Perhaps Korawick could also reflect on how fucking insensitive they are being to a multiple rape victim. On a feminist thread.
I am disgusted at the inhumanity of it.

I have to question why posters are feeling the need to post about other, in some cases, hypothetical situations rather than just engage with the OP on the scenario she experienced.

You also have the option of extending a little bit of compassion to those who have suffered trauma, and accepting chickenyhead and others' points, and moving on. Do feel free to engage with the OP however you wish; there is no need to keep trying to dismiss other women's responses.

As I shall do, now.

FFS, I edited and the paragraph order got muddled.

I won't dismiss other women's experiences, I will move on.

it doesn’t have anything to do with the scenario the OP posted.

Yes it does, it is the same scenario. Encountering a man in a deserted toilet alone would be fucking terrifying for many women.

@Ereshkigalangcleg

it doesn’t have anything to do with the scenario the OP posted.

Yes it does, it is the same scenario. Encountering a man in a deserted toilet alone would be fucking terrifying for many women.

That’s not the scenario the Op posted

Whilst I agree with the point about separate toilets etc I never fail to be amazed at the ridiculous level of man bashing which pops up under just about any subject on MN, for example the implications that any male in the proximity of a female toilet must be an abuser or rapist etc, get real the majority of men do not abuse, assault or rape girls or women and if anyone reading this has experienced this I'm sorry but that is still not a good enough reason for what appears to be anti male hate, I was as a young man sexually assaulted by an older woman, it does not mean that I judge all women in that light.

@skylark21

Whilst I agree with the point about separate toilets etc I never fail to be amazed at the ridiculous level of man bashing which pops up under just about any subject on MN, for example the implications that any male in the proximity of a female toilet must be an abuser or rapist etc, get real the majority of men do not abuse, assault or rape girls or women and if anyone reading this has experienced this I'm sorry but that is still not a good enough reason for what appears to be anti male hate, I was as a young man sexually assaulted by an older woman, it does not mean that I judge all women in that light.

"the majority of men do not abuse, assault or rape girls or women"

But ENOUGH do, don't they?

What percentage of men would you deem unacceptable?

Sigh.

Clearly NAMALT. Please do quote the post which says otherwise.

Unfortunately because most predators don't have an identifying badge we are cautious of any man who is where he shouldn't be.

And any decent man would read this thread (under feminism board so expect some challenging of male entitlement) and probably think "Absolutely. There is clearly a reason for segregated toilets coz, you know, some men attack women. I don't and I'm not so stupid to assume you all think I'm a rapist ".

It's a shame many women posting here don't see that.

Talking about situations which could be frightening/experience of assault - man bashing

I have a son and a husband whom I love dearly and would trust with my life, plus male in-laws, friends and colleagues who strangely enough all understand perfectly why a woman could feel intimidated and frightened to find herself alone and in an enclosed space with a man.

I find decent men get it instinctively.

@Babdoc

Perhaps Korawick could also reflect on how fucking insensitive they are being to a multiple rape victim. On a feminist thread. I am disgusted at the inhumanity of it.

I am sorry that I am not in agreement that being a rape victim is some sort of trump card to be played to close down argument with anyone who disagrees with you. I can see however that it clearly is considered as such by many on this thread.

I don’t think that individual anecdotes or personal stories are helpful when framing general discussions such as the need for single sex spaces. I can see that many disagree with me and that is fine.

@jorriss far from your chacterisation, I initially responded to one post and my further posts have been responses to people who have addressed their comments to me. The poster I initially responded to was on the basis that her post read to me as if she was speaking for all women- I was merely pointing out that I didn’t agree. She later went on to clarify that she had been speaking only for herself. Had that been clear in her initial post I would never have commented on it.

I am glad that so many people are feeling the need to have a pile on. In reality I hold the same view that you all do that men shouldn’t be in women’s spaces.

To say that 99% of all sexual assaults are committed by males is not 'man-bashing'. It's stating a simple fact.

It does not mean that all males are rapists or that women think that.

Trauma response isn't always rational. It means that one might have a generalised anxiety or fear about males. It does not mean that one believes, with a rational brain, that all males are a risk.

I'm sorry to hear about youru assault. I'm glad that it hasn't had an adverse effect on your experiences of women.

You do not have the same experiences or responses as everyone else.

People are able to have different responses and fears.