Interesting experience with public toilets

[Rosalisa]

Presented with just one comment. I had to fly from Scotland to London last week. Bit bleary and unfamiliar with Luton. Inadvertently opened the door to the men's, I was met with horror so backed out, no bother.

Into the women's. Where a man was coming out of a cubicle, short hair, no make-up, t shirt and jeans, beard. Perfectly pleasant but completely unchallenged by anyone including the male attendant.

I think I've been really sheltered in the highlands.

No thank you.

if being stood near a man washing his hands would be terrifying for you then yes. I am not diminishing in any way the fact that some women for whatever reason

Yeah - actually you are. Because we all know this isn't what it is about. It is about being in an enclosed, sometimes remote space that should be women only and where the act before one washes one's hands involves a greater degree of vulnerability.

@Aposterhasnoname

Whilst I’m the most radical of radical feminists and am campaigning as hard as I can for single sex spaces to remain just that, I do think it’s a heck of a coincidence that you accidentally went into the men’s room at exactly the same time as a man was using the ladies.

It could be that the signs were somehow unclear, and that was the cause of the problem in both cases.

@YetAnotherSpartacus

if being stood near a man washing his hands would be terrifying for you then yes. I am not diminishing in any way the fact that some women for whatever reason

Yeah - actually you are. Because we all know this isn't what it is about. It is about being in an enclosed, sometimes remote space that should be women only and where the act before one washes one's hands involves a greater degree of vulnerability.

I am really not but if that’s what you want to take from it, knock yourself out.

Ok, hun.

@korawick12345

To be fair it is possible that he had just made the same mistake you did but in reverse and if there were no women in there he may not have noticed. I am guessing from the fact that you got the wrong door that the signage was bad. I think also describing it as ‘fucking terrifying’ is extreme hyperbole. If you are in a public place with make and female loos then there are no doubt men walking about this in an of itself is not ‘fucking terrifying’. The man washed his hands and left as far as I can see, airports are generally fairly busy places no matter the time of day or night. There are lots of times which can legit a be described as fucking terrifying, I am not sure being in proximity to a man minding his own business and washing his hands is one of them. I absolutely agree that toilets should be segregated by sex but using language like ‘fucking terrifying’ helps no one

WTAF

Who are you to tell ME how I would feel?

I would have wet myself in fear there and then.

That fear may seem irrational to you. I don't give a shit if it does.

After several violent rapes, including a gang rape, I have an immediate involuntary response to finding myself alone with strange men when totally unexpected, in enclosed spaces.

I would be FUCKING TERRIFIED.

How dare you judge me!

As I said your post didn’t make it clear you were giving your own subjective opinion. It read as if you were stating it as an objective fact. No doubt you would be terrified, others wouldn’t be, hence my post. I suggest you read my posts as at no point have I suggested that you would or wouldn’t feel that way simply that it is not a generalisation you can make for all women which is how your post read. I suggest you read the thread.

I read them perfectly, It was obviously my feeling, because I said it.

Keep attacking Mr though with your semantic bullshit.

I suggest you make your own comments not spend the whole thread attacking mine.

Entitled or what.

Was he trying to talk to teenage girls about their periods? That was my recent experience

Unsettling, confusing, uncomfortable all of these things absolutely but not ‘fucking terrifying’ for an average woman.

It really does depend on the male in question for those women who say they are ok with it. I doubt they would be in some circumstances, because some males really are intimidating, especially when you are trapped between them and the door.

@Chickenyhead

I read them perfectly, It was obviously my feeling, because I said it.

Keep attacking Mr though with your semantic bullshit.

I suggest you make your own comments not spend the whole thread attacking mine.

Entitled or what.

Sorry you don’t understand how talk forums work

Sorry you don't understand humanity or subjectivity.

Nowhere did I say "everyone would feel fucking terrified " you interpreted my post that way and ridiculed it, implying I have "problems" or am some weird exception.

Because you know how everyone else feels.

Just keep defending your attack.

@WookeyHole

This just makes me think there needs to be some sort of concerted women's week of action, all of us identifying as male and using the men's loos to see how they like it.

This is an amazing idea. A week of women identifying into all men only spaces we can find (urgh not that I would want to but I’d do it for the cause). I’d say majority of men (and probably a good deal of women!) living outside the social mediaverse have no idea of the war being waged on women’s rights and even if they did they’d think it didn’t particularly concern them so would want to stay out of it. Well what if they didn’t have the option of staying out of it?!

@Ereshkigalangcleg

Now imagine that late at night, no attendant, alone. Fucking terrifying

Exactly. There is no care or consideration for women and girls here.

Yes, agree

Standing next to man who is minding his own business and washing his hands cannot reasonably be described as ‘fucking terrifying’ at any point of the day unless you have pre existing issues.

There are a lot of women with "pre-existing issues". According to CDC (American government department), 1 in 4 girls is subjected to sexual abuse before her 18th birthday.

www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/childsexualabuse/fastfact.html

@Chickenyhead

Sorry you don't understand humanity or subjectivity.

Nowhere did I say "everyone would feel fucking terrified " you interpreted my post that way and ridiculed it, implying I have "problems" or am some weird exception.

Because you know how everyone else feels.

Just keep defending your attack.

I am glad you have been able to clarify what you meant.

Funny how nobody else CHOSE to twist my comment and misunderstand it, except you. Who has gone on and on.

Almost like bullying.

@Chickenyhead

Funny how nobody else CHOSE to twist my comment and misunderstand it, except you. Who has gone on and on.

Almost like bullying.

Sorry you feel the need to characterise anyone who has a different opinion to you as a bully that must make life very difficult for you. I suggest you stop responding to me if you feel this interaction is uncomfortable for you.

@korawick12345

Unsettling, confusing, uncomfortable all of these things absolutely but not ‘fucking terrifying’ for an average woman. I accept that some women have us experiences that would render it very alarming and that is one of the many many reasons toilets should be single sex.

It’s not up to you to tell another person how to describe an experience.

You’re detracting from the point of the thread by focusing on the language used to describe a HYPOTHETICAL situation.

You didn't disagree with me, you misinterpreted me and spent the whole thread criticising my post rather than contributing anything of your own.

I'm ok, I'm used to bullies.

It wouldn't bother me, I'd probably think he had made a mistake. So long as the men sit down and don't spray pee all over the place I'm happy to share.

@Nonmaquillee that is exactly what I was picking up the pp on. She came up with the hypothetical and then described it as onjectively ‘fucking terrifying’. The fact she didn’t express herself clearly is what led to me picking up on her point which IMO was unhelpful and a distraction from the thread.

I had to use a motorway service station toilet at the height of lockdown last year. One of those places with the food court, fast food places all around the edges and tables in the middle with the loos at the back.

It was about 9-10pm, literally not a single soul in there, shops and food outlets all closed. Walked through the place in silence to the loos at the back. No attendant, no other customers. I honestly thought if someone else is in here I don’t stand a chance. I’d already tried 2 petrol stations both had closed loos and I was on the verge of just squatting on the hard shoulder at that point.

It was indeed “fucking terrifying” and had a man been in the ladies - no matter what he was actually doing, I’d have feared the worst and probably ran out to somewhere at least there was CCTV.

You don’t get to police what others find fucking terrifying. I’ve been attacked by men in my own home and I’m not generally terrified of being there. But in a secluded and private place. They have no business being there. Trans men are not a gotcha - they know what it’s like to be female and they’d hopefully be more self aware than to use a ladies loo if they actually pass as male.

@ShitShop

I had to use a motorway service station toilet at the height of lockdown last year. One of those places with the food court, fast food places all around the edges and tables in the middle with the loos at the back.

It was about 9-10pm, literally not a single soul in there, shops and food outlets all closed. Walked through the place in silence to the loos at the back. No attendant, no other customers. I honestly thought if someone else is in here I don’t stand a chance. I’d already tried 2 petrol stations both had closed loos and I was on the verge of just squatting on the hard shoulder at that point.

It was indeed “fucking terrifying” and had a man been in the ladies - no matter what he was actually doing, I’d have feared the worst and probably ran out to somewhere at least there was CCTV.

You don’t get to police what others find fucking terrifying. I’ve been attacked by men in my own home and I’m not generally terrified of being there. But in a secluded and private place. They have no business being there. Trans men are not a gotcha - they know what it’s like to be female and they’d hopefully be more self aware than to use a ladies loo if they actually pass as male.

That’s does sound very scary. But I am not sure what it has to do with the OP which doesn’t describe a situation anything like that. Or is this now a thread where we just post situations that we have been in that were terrifying. I have no doubt we can all come up with situations we have been terrified but it doesn’t have anything to do with the scenario the OP posted.

We all find different situations challenging in different ways and that is why it is important to protect single sex spaces.