Am I non binary?

[YesClemFandango]

Not a TAAT but it got me thinking.... Am I non-binary? I reject gender stereotypes. I would prefer a neutral title (working on it!). I wear clothes that could be considered typically masculine or feminine. To be honest at my age I'd feel a bit odd calling myself non-binary, but I wonder if it's short hand for how my peers understand my views (I'm a student)? How can I check?

I can’t help but think of one of my favourite jokes.

There are ten types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.

You don’t have to ‘identify as anything, surely? You are what you are. That is the biological sex you were born to and whatever way you choose to present to the world.

At some point this movement is going to start gatekeeping what a woman is, what a man is etc. And it will hopefully all fucking crumble because it DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

At some point?

Where have you been for the past 3 years?!

It is more likely to crumble because they will all bore each other to death discussing how they like both wearing a tea dress and watching football.

I think we can only know by comparing you to a binary person. I've never met one. Has anyone else?

Non binary? That seems lacking in imagination. I'm complex. Or multidimensional.
(Or just a female with a personality, like half the human race)

I can’t help but think of one of my favourite jokes.

There are ten types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don’t.

You really do have to tell that one right - and it can only be done in print not verbally.
There are 10 types of people....

Calling yourself non-binary is deeply un-feminist.

It's this generation's "not like other girls".

It's throwing women under the bus by denying the reality of our sex, which leads us down some pretty dystopian roads, none of them good for women.

@33feethighandrising

Calling yourself non-binary is deeply un-feminist.

It's this generation's "not like other girls".

It's throwing women under the bus by denying the reality of our sex, which leads us down some pretty dystopian roads, none of them good for women.

Yeah.

Although tbh I think it's rather shallowly non feminist.

Although tbh I think it's rather shallowly non feminist.

Laughing at the 10 people joke, v good.

I said on another thread that with us all acknowledging that we qualify as non-binary, it must be a comfort for all the other non-binary people.

They have millions of us for support. They are certainly not isolated at all. And they should not feel that they have to modify their bodies in any way because we also all show just how wide the range of body types are for non-binary people.

Just be yourself. You don’t need a label.

I have never worn a dress or heels. I haven’t worn make up since I was 17. Some may think that makes me a bloke. My sex, my ability to carry children, my monthly periods… say I am very much a woman.

Am I just a massive bitch or does anyone else find the whole non binary gender fluid nonsense tiresome?

Everyone has to have a label these days, people cant feel different without having to have a category to fit in. Ironic considering its supposed to be because you don't want to be in a category in the first place.

@Helleofabore

I said on another thread that with us all acknowledging that we qualify as non-binary, it must be a comfort for all the other non-binary people.

They have millions of us for support. They are certainly not isolated at all. And they should not feel that they have to modify their bodies in any way because we also all show just how wide the range of body types are for non-binary people.

I have never considered this excellent point.

Really, genuinely, the only difference between gender ID non binaries and feminist non binaries are inward beliefs (in innate gender ID, or not) and outward performance of pronoun policing (imposing pronouns, or finding them irrelevant).

To me that's similar to the difference between religious Judaism and cultural Judaism. Both still Jewish.

I’m non-binary because I have long hair and like skirts; but, I also like my job, hate cooking, like being paid as much as a man, voting, talking loudly about politics, having my opinion respected and being able to command the room at work when I speak. I’m the breadwinner, outspoken, read the financial pages, have strong opinions and like people to do as I say without any argument - all those male things.

Admittedly some of my colleagues are bigots, and they assume based on my self-presentation that I’m female, so they often don’t treat me with the respect I feel I’m due when I identify with the masculine role of being respected at work etc. Should I tell them that I am non binary so that they understand that I prefer to be taken more seriously than women who just identify as women?

PaleGreenGhost

It didn’t quite have the reassuring effect I expected though. There doesn’t seem to be any reassuring some non-binary people that their experience is heard and shared by so many.

I will keep mentioning it on all the threads that pop up….

Should I tell them that I am non binary so that they understand that I prefer to be taken more seriously than women who just identify as women?

Please try it and report back.

@Helleofabore

Should I tell them that I am non binary so that they understand that I prefer to be taken more seriously than women who just identify as women?

Please try it and report back.

I suspect my boss would just laugh me out of the room. Funny that …

helleofabore

I guess it's like when women tried to be admitted to golf clubs or the freemasons, or when state school graduates try to rise beyond a certain point in city firms. They say the special group is about one thing but really it's about claiming and preserving privilege.

From all your responses (thank you) it seems I could well be non-binary. Is it semantics? Is there any way to know if I'm definitely NOT non-binary.

I hope I don't seem facetious. It really feels like this is the obvious disconnect between me in my 40's and my uni peers in their 20's.

@EastWestWhosBest

See I was thinking about this the other day. People will say they are 'living as a woman' but I don't know what I do every day that makes my life as a woman different to my husband''s life as a man.

I can answer that. For a few years my DH was a SAHP/did most of the cooking and cleaning etc and I was the main breadwinner (in a male dominated workplace). I now work part time and do most of the childcare/housework etc and DH is the main breadwinner (in a mainly female workplace, working with children). No one has ever suggested that our genders have changed, or differ from our biological sex. So I can only assume that DH did all these otherwise female type things in a manly way and I did all the manly type things in a womanly way. The only difference I noticed was that when DH was SAHP he was almost universally applauded for being so brave/supportive and I was frequently told how luck I was that DH was happy to do this to support my career choice. DH is now lauded for working so hard etc and I am told how lucky I am to be able to have some 'time off'. I can only conclude that 'living as a woman' is something to do with being given less credit for what you do that if you were 'living as a man'.

YesClemFandango

Who can say? More importantly, who in your uni peers will be willing to say you are not.

My DH cooks, cleans, looks after our child and does the shopping.

I unblock u-bends, wear trousers, and secure points on the track as part of my job.

I think we are both non-binary. Or in other words: normal.

I’ve decided that I identify as agender (which means not having a gender).

Or rather, that’s what I would identify as if I had to choose.

Google tells me that agender falls under the non-binary umbrella, so 🤷‍♀️

Sound like an ordinary woman to me. Stupid fucking attention seeking labels and definitions like that are meaningless