Letter to the mother who bought my daughter a binder

[MnaWoman]

Did you do the research that I did when I told her no?
The research that shows that 97% of women who wear binders go on to have at least one negative complication. Did you believe her when she said she’d wear it correctly? Did the 97% also promise that they would wear out correctly?

Will you also buy her puberty blockers as she wants those too?
Will you take her to a doctor when she develops osteoporosis in her 20s? I developed it in my 40s after having a normal puberty. It’s part of my family’s medical history. When she develops one of the common side effects of puberty blockers like depression will you tell her that this odd what she wanted?

Will you buy her cross sex hormones as she wants those too?
And when she needs a prophylactic hysterectomy on her 20s in order to mitigate against the increased risk of cancer will you look after her while she recovers? And when she has a painful sex like due to vaginal atrophy will you tell her that you were just doing what she asked?

My daughter is 13.

Suicide rate for trans kids is alarmingly high, for one thing.

This is completely untrue. Although taking puberty blockers was found to be associated with increased risk of self harm in girls. And transitioning as an adult is associated with a nine-fold increase in risk of suicide.

Having read the thread some more, I'm going to give a more considered response.

First, you are right to be angry at the mother, but don't be angry with your daughter.

Someone said upthread that you are not supportive of your daughter's wearing of a binder and that may be true, but that doesn't mean you can't be supportive of your daughter.

Maybe show your daughter this:

helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/chest-binding-tips-and-tricks-for-trans-men-nonbinary-and-genderfluid which notes that 9 out of 10 wearers of binders have a negative effect on the body.

Finally, could you consider helping her find a high impact sports bra? These can have quite a flattening effect, especially if worn under loose fitting clothes.

Don't make an enemy of your daughter though, you need to maintain your relationship with her.

@MnaWoman do you have the source for that 97% statistic please? Unfortunately, I think I'm going to need it too.

I love my daughter. I would do anything for her. To all those empathising you have my thanks.

@ItsAllGoingToBeFine

Having read the thread some more, I'm going to give a more considered response.

First, you are right to be angry at the mother, but don't be angry with your daughter.

Someone said upthread that you are not supportive of your daughter's wearing of a binder and that may be true, but that doesn't mean you can't be supportive of your daughter.

Maybe show your daughter this:

helloclue.com/articles/cycle-a-z/chest-binding-tips-and-tricks-for-trans-men-nonbinary-and-genderfluid which notes that 9 out of 10 wearers of binders have a negative effect on the body.

Finally, could you consider helping her find a high impact sports bra? These can have quite a flattening effect, especially if worn under loose fitting clothes.

Don't make an enemy of your daughter though, you need to maintain your relationship with her.

@WhyDoIFeelAwful this is the one

I do not agree with “watchful waiting!

Why not? We know 80 to 95% of children who identify as trans become happy with their sex post adolesence which sounds like a huge success rate to me. The alternative being transitioning treatment so they become sterile lifelong medical patients at high risk of cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis, restricted sexual development, increased suicide risk, lowered IQ, lack of psychological development, and subject to extreme cosmetic procedures with adverse event rates of up to 80%.

That’s the easy read one. Here’s the write up:
www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/13691058.2016.1191675
@WhyDoIFeelAwful
Study n=1800 women:

97% had at least one negative health outcome attributed to binding.

74% reported pain.
54% back pain.
54% overheating.
49% chest pain.
47% shortness of breath.
45% itching.

50 women reported rib fractures

@Breastfeedingworries

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/growinguptransgender.com/2018/03/28/ukrcpsych-endorses-harmful-watchful-waiting-approach-for-trans-children/amp/

I do not agree with “watchful waiting!”

But nor do I condone what that lady did. The health risks alone, pain and discomfort while growing! Not on at all.

The article you cite is extremely biased towards actively medicalising a child who is gender diverse. Many of the assertions in it are just random sentences with no empirical data to back them up. Some of the sources it quotes are from people who have massively gained financially through the medicalisation of gender diversity and therefore cannot be taken with any degree of truth. But hey, you believe what you want. Just do some proper research to back up your ideology next time.

I would be really pissed off and id be having a talk with this woman.
My youngest has asked for a binder and ive said no. They are harmful. You cant do sportvor exert yourself in them. You can only wear them part time. They can permanently damage breast tissue.
Ive told them im fine with those compression type sports bras which squish it all down and minimise, and baggy tops, but nothing that is harmful or has potential long term consequences. I just wont agree to it.
This other parent has completely overstepped the mark and needs to know that you have this in hand, you dont want things to get awkward. You get shes trying to help, but she isnt at all.

@Breastfeedingworries

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/growinguptransgender.com/2018/03/28/ukrcpsych-endorses-harmful-watchful-waiting-approach-for-trans-children/amp/

I do not agree with “watchful waiting!”

But nor do I condone what that lady did. The health risks alone, pain and discomfort while growing! Not on at all.

That's fine. Some people do prefer to ignore peer reviewed, gold standard, longitudinal, multi cohort research.

Some people do prefer to believe influencers, anonymous bloggers and the word of people with a specific agenda and little or no medical training.

@Breastfeedingworries - and re your article - the huge rise in young women seeking transition should surely give some pause for thought.

Is this another anti transgender thread?

This is an action with medical consequences. The other mother is way out of line. No reason justifies her buying one for someone else's 13 year old child instead of contacting you to say 'this is the conversation we had, I feel you ought to know'.

@catmothertes1

Is this another anti transgender thread?

No

I would be interested to know if your letter could be sent via a solicitor.

@catmothertes1

Is this another anti transgender thread?

Is this another thread where people who purport to support children who identify as trans promote treatments which have no evidence base but which are know to cause permanent and significant harm to those children?

@catmothertes1

Is this another anti transgender thread?

Have you read it?

Or are you another who has just kept in to make your own point?

Feel free, but be honest about it.

@catmothertes1

Is this another anti transgender thread?

No. It's an anti-permanent harm to young natal girls thread, regardless of how they identify. If OPs DD wants to explore her gender identity and as part of that she wants to minimise her breasts (fair enough, most of us did age 13 trans or not) there are safe options. A good, minimising sports bra. Baggy tshirts. Binding has been categorically shown to be unsafe and cause permanent damage in more cases than not, with a significant minority fracturing ribs. There's a reason why women's health improved when tight corsets went out of fashion. Any trans rights activist advocating for these binders does not have the best interests of young people wearing them at heart.

@catmothertes1

Is this another anti transgender thread?

I think you’ll find it’s a thread discussing the appropriateness of one mother making decisions that can have serious consequences on the physical development of another mother’s child. If the OP had posted about another mother taking the OPs daughter to get her nose pierced without her permission, would you see that as an anti piercings thread?

This is appalling , I am speechless as to how an adult could do this.

@MnaWoman

I love my daughter. I would do anything for her. To all those empathising you have my thanks.

❤️OP. Your 13 year old daughter has a right to protection from physical and psychological harm. She has a right not to be incited by her friends 'kind liberal' mother affirming her gender theory conditioning (by adults unknown) and putting her on a pathway to medicalisation all driven by a multi-trillion dollar industry

op. What a conniver. Absolutely not ok.

I would suggest contacting a solicitor and asking them to send a cease and desist type letter.

It's a fairly nominal fee compared to other legal fees but appreciate not everyone can view it that way.